The Firm

I am exhausted. I have gotten an absolute maximum of three hours of sleep and have spent three and a half hours on the train to get here, followed by a half-hour bus ride through Bonn's residential sectors. Now, finally standing at the entrance to the corporate campus, the long journey is over and I am ready for a nap.

So why is my heart beating like a jackhammer?

The first obstacle is to figure out where to go. There is no obvious "front door" and no central building. To my left stands a massive glass structure with a wall made up of millions of small colored lights that are constantly changing patterns and hues. Inside I can see that the back wall of the building is one huge video screen showing advertisements for the firm's various products.

To the right is a series of shorter, apartment-style looking buildings painted in colorful hues, connected by a series of glass skybridges. I stand there for a good 30 seconds trying to figure out where I should go. Where on earth is the front desk?

Then, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of green: a Starbucks logo on the right side of the enormous glass building. Irrelevant. New priority. I step through the automatic-revolving doors into the enormous glass cube.

Bingo. The front desk. A massive waiting area at least half the size of a football field. Broad, circular desk manned by no less than five receptionists. To the left, a Starbucks -- the first one I've seen in months -- shining like a beacon of light in a world full of darkness. But sadly, having found the front desk, priorities are back to normal. Here goes nothing.

"Hallo, Department XYZ?" I ask, expecting her to direct me to the correct floor. Odd that the department's name is in English instead of German.

Receptionist #3 narrows her heavily-mascara-ed eyes and furrows her brow. "Bitte? Ich habe kein Wort verstanden."

Whaddya mean you don't understand? That's the name of the department! "Uhhhh, yes. It's Department XYZ. I'm looking for Herr Baumann?"

Finally, a response. "Name?" She began typing. It takes three tries for her to finally spell my first name correctly and realize that "Matthew" is not, in fact, my last name. Dangit -- gotta remember to introduce myself with my LAST name here.

"Please take a seat. Herr Baumann will be down to pick you up in a moment. Would you like a coffee?" I cast a longing gaze at the Starbucks. No, bad idea. Last thing I need is to have coffee breath unarmed with gum. She slides a temporary ID card with a clip holder across the counter and I take my seat in the Starbucks lounge area across from a large man enjoying his surely-soy-non-fat-decaf latte (otherwise known as a "why bother."). He eyes me and I eye him. That's right. Go on and drink your coffee. One day, the tables will be turned and it'll be you oogling MY coffee. One day...

Herr Baumann fetches me. Everything is a blur. First thought: Dangit -- should have gone with the suit-but-no-tie. I'm underdressed. He speaks so quietly I can hardly hear him and have to strain to catch every word. He ushers me through the glass doors guarded by a security guard (I flash the pass hanging on my pocket) and we're in. This is where it all happens. It's lunch hour, and the employees are all filing out of the elevators and into what looks like a huge cafeteria.

"I thought we could have lunch with a couple of colleages of mine." Herr Baumann explains and introduces me to two people whose names I cannot catch over the loud chatter in the lobby. We step into the cafeteria, and --

Whoa. This company loves their employees. A lot.

It's a college dining hall the way it was meant to be. Two stories. Soda, water, juice, and smoothie dispensers -- all you can drink. Counters soliciting their various specialities -- Vegetarisch, Tagesgericht, Spezialitäten, Nachtisch. A cafe. Coffee and cocoa dispensers. Hundreds of chairs and tables spread about a well-lit (thanks to the fact that two of the four walls are floor-to-ceiling glass.) atrium. I've died and gone to dining hall heaven.

"Just grab a tray and silverware and stuff and we'll meet at the cash register." Herr Baumann ambles off with his colleages and I juggle my coat and bag with the tray. Finally, having secured my Schnitzel, potatoes, carrots, and water, I rejoin the others and we find find a table with four seats free.

The questions begin. Where did I learn German? How old am I? Why am I majoring in Economics? What interests me about Company X? I attempt to master the art of chewing when they talk and organizing my food on my plate when I talk. Finally, the question that stops my heart from Colleage #2:

"So, in order to put my mind at ease about hiring someone under 24 onto a team like ours, tell me what your most important asset is."

I almost choke on the schnitzel. Besides the fact that I'm pretty sure it's illegal to make a statement like that about my age in the U.S., I hate that question. However, we are neither in the U.S. nor playing by my rules here. Time to deliver.

"First off, I think my age is an asset. I'm young, and that means that, if invested in by this company, I have a lot to offer Company X for the long haul. I'm an investment." All this in broken, horrible, gut-wrenching German.

"Pretty cocky," Colleage #2 replies, "but we're interested in what you offer NOW."

Strike one. Remember what they want and cut the crap. "Alright. Well, look, I've made no secret of the fact that I have not even started my major coursework yet. I have nothing but my Grundstudium to go off of, and as we discussed earlier, Grundstudium in the States is worth next to nothing. So as far as business-related details goes, gentlemen, I am a blank slate. I have basic accounting, basic econ, and good Microsoft Office skills. But what I can tell you is this: I am an extremely fast learner. I learn fast and I will learn whatever it takes to do this job and meet your expectations." I finish, sit back, and inhale.

Colleage #2 seems taken aback by my honesty. Herr Baumann's eyebrows are raised. "That's a good point." I can't tell whether he's actually impressed or can somehow tell that I'm dying a little inside and is trying to get his colleage to back off.

The rest of lunch goes smoothly and it's my turn to ask questions. I ask in detail about some of the tasks I'd be performing and strain hard to catch every word of the responses I get. I discover anew that in German, if you do not know every single word in a sentence spoken to you, you can lose the entire meaning easily. I come away with a basic but far-less-complete-than-I'd-like-it-to-be understanding of what this job would entail.

We head upstairs to the office. Herr Baumann stops at a small display showcasing Company X's most popular products. "I'm sure you're familiar with some of these from the States," he remarks, and picks one of the gadgets up. I am wondering if every employee gets one of those for free.

The office is equally impressive. Desks with hydraulics that can raised and lowered to allow one to work standing or sitting. Cubicles with frosted-white glass separators. I meet the other two interns, one of whom I am replacing. First thought: Why is he wearing sneakers with his suit? He fills me in on the final details of the job, reassures me that I'll learn everything I need to know here, and takes me back to the front door. "We need a definite answer by Friday, so please find out what you need to with your university and let us know." We say goodbye and I'm off to the bus stop again.

I sit on the bench at the edge of campus, heartbeat finally returning to normal. My mind is blank and I have no idea what I want to do. I hope things work out with ASU. Or do I?

The bus takes me back downtown, where I get off and wander the Altstadt. It's raining now, and I'm soaked, but I don't care. I'm in a daze. I'm hungry but don't want to eat. An enormous cathedral emerges in front of me and I duck inside.

Quiet. Peaceful, wonderful, ruhig, quiet. Colorful fresco, marble, the soft glow of electric bulbs hanging from the ceilings. The most magnificient altar I've ever seen in my life, golden, an explosion of color, lit by the most beautiful stained glass I've ever seen at its rear. It's a work of art. The whole cathedral is breaktaking.

I wander to the back and slide into a pew, eyes mesmerized by the front of the church. And in the quiet solitude, I suddenly feel afraid, depressed, and desperate. I cry out silently.

Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want this or not. You know my heart, you know what it is that I need better than I do. You know that all I want is to do what You would have me do. Please.....please -- if it is Your will that I do this, make the details work out with ASU.

The woman in front of me finishes praying, stands up, crosses herself, and leaves. I sit there for a few more minutes before venturing out into the rain again to wander the streets. A beggar sitting on the Marktplatz against a lamppost -- soaking wet and huddled in a blanket -- asks me for change as I walk by, but I ignore him and walk on. 500 meters later, fingering the coins in my pocket and driven by I don't know what, I turn around and return to his spot. I stop in front of him and hold out the coins in my hand. He smiles as I drop them into his open palm. "Danke schoen."

I decide to get out of this rainy city earlier than I'd planned and return to the train station. I sit on the Bahnsteig for 30 minutes waiting for the train to arrive, and when it does, I plop down into a seat next to a window in a nearly empty car.

The InterCity chugs along the Rhine, which is cloaked in fog and dusted with a layer of snow that won't budge. Barges navigate its low waters cautiously as I stare blankly out the window. I still don't know what to do. I don't want to make a decision.

It's not up to you anymore. Just go home, check your email for word from ASU, and let God handle the rest.

Four hours later I finally trudge into Waldhäuser-Ost. I stop at the store to buy some bread for Abendbrot, check my snail-mail (2 letters), and return to my room.

No email from ASU. A letter from the DAAD notifying me of the meeting in March, and a cell phone bill for 34 euro.

Outside, the rain falls steadily in the dark.

Location, Location, Location

Welcome to the new home of A European Odyssey. I have decided to switch to Blogger (again) because it's cleaner and simpler and will cut down on the amount of time I waste online. Simple as that. I am still in the process of transferring old entries onto this site, but after a while I will have all the entries relating to this year up here.

On Tuesday I will be traveling to Bonn in order to visit the firm offering me an internship position and get a feel for the company and the place I'd be working before I decide whether or not to accept their offer.

The prospect of moving to Bonn is still pretty exciting -- it's the chance to really live on my own and experience the "big city life" in Germany, versus the relatively small town life that I've had in Tübingen. I think that Bonn just might feel more like "home" since it's about the same size as Seattle. It's just a gorgeous city too, and it has an U-Bahn, S-Bahn, and of course we can't forget the Rhine.

I haven't thought much about the job itself lately for some odd reason. I mean work is work. I think it's going to be a great opportunity for me -- it is, at the very least, a chance to get a taste of the career path that I think I've always wanted. To be sure that this is the direction I want to go.

Anyway time to head to bed or at least get something meaningful done with my evening. Like maybe cleaning the room. It's a disaster in here.

Education Gets in the Way of My Education

Not good: Having a million things to do/study, but instead having to sacrifice 3 hours of my precious evening time to sit in a pointless seminar.

Good: Going for a run yesterday with my new winter running gear (with an awesome pouch on the arm of the jacket for the iPod so I can FINALLY run hands-free).

Not good: slipping while running on a sheet of ice, falling on my hip, and the resulting limp.

Telephone interview with Company X tomorrow. In German. I'm scared to death.

Smoking

Prompted by a snippet on Rachel's blog, I decided to discuss the subject of smoking real quick here. Europeans and Americans have very, very different attitudes on this subject and I think it's fascinating.

In Europe, almost everyone smokes. Moreover, there are very few public places where you CAN'T smoke, which means that if you walk into any regular restaurant, you will very likely find half the place lit up in a cloud of nicotine. When I first got to Germany this drove me crazy. I couldn't go out without my clothes stinking and I always wanted to take a shower afterward.

Moreoever, it's completely legal for cigarette companies to advertise the same way any other companies do. You will see billboards, signs, banners, bus advertisements, and even heart-string-tugging cigarette previews at the movie theatre. One preview for a company (I think it was Next) went on about "We want to make the world a better place" and at the close showed an entire intersection full of pedestrians all holding up cigarettes and smiling. That was definitely an odd experience.

Europeans are very laid-back about smoking as well. If you smoke, it's not really a big deal and no one really seems to care. Everyone knows that it's horribly unhealthy for you but that doesn't seem to make much of a difference either. I have no idea what the rate of lung cancer or other smoking-related diseases is here in Europe but you sure don't hear ANYTHING about those kinds of diseases (in contrast to the States, where you're constantly seeing anti-smoking ads trying to convince you that secondhand smoke is the single greatest threat to your health).

In the States, the general attitude toward smoking is absolutely the opposite of that in Europe. Smoking carries with it a huge stigma and is frowned upon greatly by almost everyone. I was recently watching an old FRIENDS episode (the one where Rachel smokes) and I was shocked watching the characters react to it. Monica wouldn't even SIT next to Rachel after she'd smoked because she just "stunk." After almost 5 months of living in a completely different atmosphere, I was absolutely blown away by this sudden resurfacing of the American way of thinking. It not only struck me as incredible, but rude (which goes to show just how much my attitude toward smoking has changed). But behavior like that is perfectly acceptable in the States because smoking is so taboo.

My attitude toward smoking has changed drastically as a result of being here. It no longer bothers me greatly to go to a restaurant and sit next to or among a bunch of people who are impersonating chimneys. I've accepted the fact that my clothes will smell like cigarettes and have harnessed the power of Febreeze when I go home. No need to wash clothes over and over again now, no big deal. Yes, I'm breathing in a lot of "secondhand" smoke every day just by being here, but so is the rest of this continent and they're doing just fine.

I just can't relate to the old American smoking stigma anymore. I fail to see why it's such a huge deal. I mean yes, it's HORRIBLE for you and if you do it for a long time it will eventually kill you. But I just can't freak out anymore when someone lights up around me. I don't see the point. I would be really interested, like I said, to see the rates of smoking-related diseases and cancers here in Europe, because judging from the number of smokers here it must be astronomical (yet, oddly, we hear nothing about it here).

Anyway that's the cultural quip of the day, folks.

Okay, Okay, I'll Write a REAL Update

So Christmas & New Year's. I don't feel like going into a ton of detail here so you basically need to know that it was a great time, Matze's family was absolutely wonderul as usual, I learned how to ski in the Czech Republic (while discovering just how much of a beating the human body can actually sustain). I (amazingly) didn't break any bones or fall into a ditch and starve. It was a good time. Now the semester is back in action.

Yesterday was a bad day. We got our second test back in medieval German. I knew that I'd failed, but somehow seeing the little "6" in the corner just made it real. Or maybe it was when the professor handed back my test, leaned in, and -- in front of the class -- said, "You failed very badly. Did you not learn the material?"

I felt my cheeks grow hot. Let's see.....judging from the look of this test, I would say that's a NO, now wouldn't you, Mr. Professor? And the only reason I didn't learn this material is because I forgot there was a test in the first place.

Said professor then proceeded to discuss the aggragated results of the foreign students in the class as a whole and remarked, somewhat puzzled, that "the exchange students seem to be having some trouble with the translation sections of the test."

Really? That's odd. I wonder why! Hmmmm... Could it be because -- and this is just a shot in the dark -- this isn't our native language?

I fail to understand the pattern I am noticing in German professors who seem to think it's perfectly okay to discuss my test results with the entire class. Whatever happened to academic privacy? Resolve to spend the remaining month before the Klausur eating, drinking, and breathing Mediavistik in order to pass with flying colors and salvage my grade. Or just not hand in the Schein. Or have said professor assassinated.

Classes today were considerably better. Although I was subjected to the utter agony of listening to Professor X discuss medieval literature for 3 hours this morning, my European Union lecture went swimmingly. Thanks to my loyal companion Mr. Coffee, I was awake and alert the entire time, understood everything, and took fabulous, highly detailed notes in German. It just clicked and it was great.

Lunch was the first Doener I've had in over two weeks with Almir, and which I cannot live without upon returning to the States. Resolve to learn how to make homemade Doeners. Bought a cookbook yesterday and will now spend some time deciding what to make for dinner tonight before I take the iPod for its first winter run.

Back in Tübingen

and after two straight weeks of travel/vacation/skiiing it is SO good to be home. Aaahhh.

Yes, I Am Alive

and not bleeding to death in a ditch somewhere in the Czech Republic, although that almost happened a couple times. I'm in Braunschweig slash Hannover right now and will be back in Tübingen on the 7th, on which day I will start work on a post about the trip with pics and maybe even a video if I feel extra fleißig. Website needs to be de-Christmasized too.