Thoughts on the End of the Chapter

There is a definite sense tonight, as I pack my bags and prepare for the arrival of both family members and the insanity that will be graduation ceremonies, that something is very different. That tonight is different, and that the future is different too.

I keep thinking about what it's going to feel like to drive out of Phoenix. Up until this point I didn't really feel like I was done - I felt like I was about to go home for Christmas break. But I think driving out of the city with all my stuff in the car is going to drive the point home that this time I'm not actually coming back.

Half of me wants to savor this time, to soak in it, to write about it, to listen to music that will deepen it and enrich it and make me remember it. And the other half of me just wants to get it over with, skip over it as quickly as possible, like ripping off a band-aid.

As always when it comes to the end of life chapters, there is never quite enough time for it all. There just hasn't been enough time to say last goodbyes to everyone and everything. One thing I want to be sure that I do before I leave is climb up A Mountain one last time and just look out over Tempe and Phoenix. If I can do that, I'll leave satisfied and ready for the next chapter.

The End

I have just finished my last undergraduate final exam. Which means that once I finish this one last assignment for another class, my undergraduate career is, for all practical purposes, over.

The exam went well. However, my dear calculator chose to run out of battery juice exactly as I finished checking my answers. It was like a divine sign, as though my little electronic sidekick - with whom I have been through so much, suffered long, and endured many exams and assignments - decided it was both a poignant and fitting tribute to choose this exact moment to depart for the next world. Wiping away a tear (not really) and with a heavy heart, I slowly replaced his plastic cover and placed him lovingly inside the outer pocket of my backpack.

Now I sit, one last time, in our wonderful business school Starbucks - a place where I have also spent much time and that I will miss dearly in the coming years.

It doesn't feel like my last day in classes or taking tests on campus, although there is a definite quality about this day that is different - one that I can't quite put my finger on but that I know is there. But mostly it just feels like a really slow and relaxed Friday on campus. I'm sure that as the time to leave for Seattle draws closer it will become more obvious that real changes are happening.

You're such a poser.

I'm in the computer lab on campus right now, waiting for the rest of my study group to get here. Our lab recently upgraded us all from the old, swivel-head iMacs to the brand-spanking-new and über-sexy new aluminum iMacs, which, of course, also run Windows. Although only about 1/4 of the lab is dedicated to these iMacs, every time I come in here there are always 3-4 tools using them to run Windows. I always want to punch those tools in the face and say, "Get out of our section, you poser. This is MAC territory."

It's truly not fair. You know why? Because once you get used to using a Mac - once you've gotten used to that sense of childlike wonder being restored to your life every time you start up your computer - you can't go back to Windows and retain your sanity. So essentially, it is useless to me that 3/4 of the computers in here are Windows, because I can't use them, because if I do I might have to kill someone or myself. And that just wouldn't be good.

So it's not fair that the Windows Posers get to come over here and poach on our Macs. Evil, evil windows posers.

It's officially getting weird.

Today I bought my cap and gown. It's beginning to sink in that something is happening, but I still don't think it's going to hit me full force until I'm out on the stage and in full regalia with all my friends. I'm starting to feel a little sad, not really because I'm going to miss college so much as sadness for the fact that this stage of life is over. It's always a little sad when you are forced to change in some irreversible way, even if you're looking forward to it.