It's times like this where I'd give anything for just one hour in a cafe or in the Neckarmüller beer garden with them, drinking a cool, frisch gezapftes beer and watching the Neckar flow slowly by. Maybe it's because lately my life consists almost literally of nothing but studying, but when I think back on the year in Tübingen, life in Germany seems so much fuller in comparison. There was time to stop and drink it all in, even if I didn't always appreciate it. There was time to sit in a cafe and read a good book or to go on day trips with friends. Here, there isn't time, or there isn't consensus, or there just aren't the resources.
What surprises me the most is that all of us USA/UK students are STILL feeling this way, even this long after returning home and all at the same time. I expected this, but not for this long. It's at least comforting, though, to know that I'm not the only one who is pining after Deutschland like this and that there's nothing wrong with it. It's something that binds us all, and it's something that only those of us who have done it can truly understand. And really, that's a beautiful thing.
So is Tübingen right now:
As most of you know, I've been feverishly trying to get an internship at T-Mobile Germany lined up starting in May. I had originally wanted to stay for 6 months, which would mean that I finish school in Spring 2008. But over the past few days I have felt the oddest and most unexpected urge to stay in Seattle for the summer and finish in the Fall instead. I'm especially puzzled by this because of the fact that I'm missing Germany so badly right now. It's the weirdest thing because everything in me wants to go back to Germany, but there's this smaller yet somehow more powerful voice telling me that I should stay in Seattle this summer.
This urge has nothing to do with my parents' constant pressure to stay in the States. Lord knows I didn't listen to 'em when they wanted me to do Germany for one semester instead of a year, and I sure as heck ain't listenin' now. I've always deferred to my parents' authority or expertise in most areas - but when it comes to international endeavors involving Germany, frankly, I think I know better than they do what's best for me.
The funniest thing about this is watching my mother try to make a case for me to stay in the States. She tries to make it sound logical and like the "smart" thing to do; but it's plain to see that, deep down, she is coming to an understanding of the simple truth that she no longer has any control over where I choose to go. Not only is her only son grown up, but he's got an insatiable appetite for Germany, and there's nothing she can do to stop it. I suppose it's hard enough to watch your first child really "leave the nest" and that this is only compounded when he's trying not just to leave the nest but find an entirely different tree. However, it was a source of endless amusement to me while in Germany that my mother's ultimate nightmare was not that I would die in a plane crash on the way there or get lost in Europe; no, her worst nightmare was that I would fall in love with a German girl and never want to come back; she breathed a heavy sigh of relief when the end of the year rolled around and I was reported to still be single.
No, it isn't parental pressure that has lead to this weird desire to stay in Seattle. Rather, it was literally an overnight thing. I woke up one day and thought, "I think I'll stay in Seattle this summer." How on earth do you explain that??
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1 comment:
This entry hits pretty close to home on many levels - especially about the parents trying to convince you that you need to stay in the states. I'm actually postponing my graduation just to go back to Germany for a few more months while I can make financial aid pay for a bit of it. I'll hopefully be there next Oct-May, graduation in May 2008.
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