The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tests hearts.
-Proverbs 17:3
Back in the day they used to remove impurities from precious metals using a crucible. They would put the ore into the furnace and heat it until it literally melted into a molten form. When this happens, all the impurities in the metal separate out and float up to the top - they could then be skimmed off and removed. The metal was then re-heated, re-melted, and the process repeated. Over and over.
This is what life with Jesus is like. Many people think that Christianity is about solving all your personal problems, that Jesus exists to somehow make us happy, and that God is interested in playing a part in our story.
It's not.
Christianity is about a God who sacrificed everything to ransom you so that you could play a role in HIS story - and so that he could re-create you as you were originally meant to be. The experience of being refined by fire this way - being melted so that the impurities and imperfections rise to the top and are exposed - is excruciating. It's humbling. It's exposure in the most naked sense of the word.
And that is God's purpose in it.
God is not interested in my happiness, my comfort, or my security - though he does want to give those things through himself to us. But the purpose of his existence is not to provide those things to me and the purpose of my life is not to seek those things.
Because of Christ's sacrifice in our stead, we are covered in His righteousness. This means that when we surrender ourselves to Jesus, God literally sees us as he sees Jesus. 2 Corinthians 5:21 "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
Reading that stirs such incredible emotions in me - the concept that the God of the universe looks at me, this filthy man, and sees nothing but purity. The image he sees does not conform to the reality that I see.
And that is exactly why we go into the crucible.
The crucible - the sanctification through suffering with Jesus - is necessary because what God sees must become reality. We must be transformed into greater likeness of Jesus because we belong to him and he is holy. When you suffer, God is literally molding you to conform to what he already sees.
Does that concept not make your mouth drop open in awe?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Temptation & Suffering
Since this weekend I've been thinking about this kind of earth-shattering idea regarding temptation. You ready?
Experiencing intense temptation is not a sign that you have not made progress. It is not a sign that you are not a changed person.
Instead, it is an invitation to suffer and be sanctified through Jesus, by Jesus, so that you can become more like Jesus. Jesus suffered in temptation, and Jesus identifies with our temptation. So when pain and temptation come, run to him with it. Trust that he will fill the vacuum left behind when you stop running to your own functional comfort mechanisms.
This is an idea that has been difficult for me to understand because I tend to so stringently measure my "success" or "progress" by the level of temptation and suffering that I experience. Days when I am tempted frequently or suffer much become "bad" days and I automatically assume God is somehow not present in those kinds of days. Days when I am not tempted or do not suffer become the "good" days. This is such a false dichotomy.
God is with me in my pain as much as he is with me in my joy. The day that I am tempted or suffer much is not a "bad" day - it might certainly be a painful one, but it is a very good day in the sense that I have been invited to suffer alongside Jesus, to be sanctified and further renewed to become more like the man I was created to be. This is what it means to find joy in suffering.
Those moments of intense temptation and pain - those are the moments when Jesus can show up in the most unexpected and powerful ways. The moments when we are weakest are the moments in which his strength becomes perfect - and I am so, so grateful for that truth.
Experiencing intense temptation is not a sign that you have not made progress. It is not a sign that you are not a changed person.
Instead, it is an invitation to suffer and be sanctified through Jesus, by Jesus, so that you can become more like Jesus. Jesus suffered in temptation, and Jesus identifies with our temptation. So when pain and temptation come, run to him with it. Trust that he will fill the vacuum left behind when you stop running to your own functional comfort mechanisms.
This is an idea that has been difficult for me to understand because I tend to so stringently measure my "success" or "progress" by the level of temptation and suffering that I experience. Days when I am tempted frequently or suffer much become "bad" days and I automatically assume God is somehow not present in those kinds of days. Days when I am not tempted or do not suffer become the "good" days. This is such a false dichotomy.
God is with me in my pain as much as he is with me in my joy. The day that I am tempted or suffer much is not a "bad" day - it might certainly be a painful one, but it is a very good day in the sense that I have been invited to suffer alongside Jesus, to be sanctified and further renewed to become more like the man I was created to be. This is what it means to find joy in suffering.
Those moments of intense temptation and pain - those are the moments when Jesus can show up in the most unexpected and powerful ways. The moments when we are weakest are the moments in which his strength becomes perfect - and I am so, so grateful for that truth.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Redemption
Today we had the Redemption Group Weekend Intensive. Friday night session, followed by an all-day Saturday session. I am tired and worn-out but still need to jot down a few thoughts.
-Redemption is for everyone: even our group leaders and co-leaders are participants in the group and in the process of sharing stories. Jesus is the propitiation for us all.
-Perception is everything: I heard multiple stories today that I would have sworn were the same as mine until the storyteller finished his tale. Many of us come from similar backgrounds but have perceived those backgrounds differently and therefore reacted very differently to similar upbringings or childhood circumstances.
-God will fill the vacuum: sometimes it is as simple as stopping what you're doing and trusting that God will fill the vacuum that is left when you do that.
-Jesus is mighty to save: Enough said. My God is already victorious over my sin and every part of my story.
-It's not about you: Life is not about your story; rather, your story is a brick in the mural of God's great design. You tell His story - he does not tell yours.
-Redemption is for everyone: even our group leaders and co-leaders are participants in the group and in the process of sharing stories. Jesus is the propitiation for us all.
-Perception is everything: I heard multiple stories today that I would have sworn were the same as mine until the storyteller finished his tale. Many of us come from similar backgrounds but have perceived those backgrounds differently and therefore reacted very differently to similar upbringings or childhood circumstances.
-God will fill the vacuum: sometimes it is as simple as stopping what you're doing and trusting that God will fill the vacuum that is left when you do that.
-Jesus is mighty to save: Enough said. My God is already victorious over my sin and every part of my story.
-It's not about you: Life is not about your story; rather, your story is a brick in the mural of God's great design. You tell His story - he does not tell yours.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Who You Really Are
There is so much going on in life right now that it's hard to keep up - and in a good way. Jesus is doing a lot in my life and in my family and it's difficult to even believe it. Change is everywhere, and it's change in the right direction. It's awkward and weird and painful, but it's the right direction.
Easter was a whole new experience this year. Mars Hill Downtown had record attendance and we baptized almost 30 people. Easter has always been a good day, but for some reason it wasn't until this year that it really moved me in a way that it hadn't before. Maybe it's because I have experienced so much of God's grace and redemption this year. He has wrought quite a bit of change in life over the past 14 months, most of which has not been easy. But in it all I can see His redemptive hand and mission, and even though it's painful most of the time I am totally on board with riding this ride. I know that the only thing that matches the incredible nature of the destination is the journey itself.
Most of all I am simply grateful that He continues to put up with me, continues to humble me, continues to impress upon me the fact that nothing I can do will make Him love me more. This past week, in the days leading up to Good Friday, that particular knowledge hit me especially hard and completely broke me. One day I was listening to a podcast about a specific issue God is working on in my heart and in my life and out of nowhere I just broke down and sobbed, suddenly and completely overcome with the impression of His grace and mercy toward me in the midst of my horrible brokenness - overcome with the sense of awe that flows from being loved so completely and so unconditionally. More and more I'm just overwhelmed by the idea that God would turn His face toward me and rescue me from myself - I still don't understand why. What did I have to offer? The answer of "nothing" still just doesn't compute to me even though my heart knows it's true.
But I know that's the core of what He's working on right now - getting me to fully understand who I am in His eyes, wiping away all of the filth and falsehood that has clouded that understanding for so many years. My value stems not from who I myself am or what I have to offer, but because of what Jesus has clothed me in through His own sacrifice. How different I would be if I truly understood how precious I am to Him and lived out of that security - that's where I want to be! So much of what I am now sorting through stems from that false image of myself. But God is faithful to finish everything He starts and I just can't wait to take another step. It's like every day you discover who you really are all over again.
I grew up not knowing whether I was precious to someone, with the omnipresent fear that if i simply did something wrong or displeased him, my father would stop loving me. The most horrifying words I ever heard were, "I'm very disappointed in you." And those words and that fear dug in deep, opening up fissures that refused to close again.
And now Jesus stands at those fissures and counters all the lies and false perceptions with His eternal truth: I delight in you. You are precious to me - I sacrificed everything to get you back. You bear My image. Now come to Me and let Me show you who you really are.
Easter was a whole new experience this year. Mars Hill Downtown had record attendance and we baptized almost 30 people. Easter has always been a good day, but for some reason it wasn't until this year that it really moved me in a way that it hadn't before. Maybe it's because I have experienced so much of God's grace and redemption this year. He has wrought quite a bit of change in life over the past 14 months, most of which has not been easy. But in it all I can see His redemptive hand and mission, and even though it's painful most of the time I am totally on board with riding this ride. I know that the only thing that matches the incredible nature of the destination is the journey itself.
Most of all I am simply grateful that He continues to put up with me, continues to humble me, continues to impress upon me the fact that nothing I can do will make Him love me more. This past week, in the days leading up to Good Friday, that particular knowledge hit me especially hard and completely broke me. One day I was listening to a podcast about a specific issue God is working on in my heart and in my life and out of nowhere I just broke down and sobbed, suddenly and completely overcome with the impression of His grace and mercy toward me in the midst of my horrible brokenness - overcome with the sense of awe that flows from being loved so completely and so unconditionally. More and more I'm just overwhelmed by the idea that God would turn His face toward me and rescue me from myself - I still don't understand why. What did I have to offer? The answer of "nothing" still just doesn't compute to me even though my heart knows it's true.
But I know that's the core of what He's working on right now - getting me to fully understand who I am in His eyes, wiping away all of the filth and falsehood that has clouded that understanding for so many years. My value stems not from who I myself am or what I have to offer, but because of what Jesus has clothed me in through His own sacrifice. How different I would be if I truly understood how precious I am to Him and lived out of that security - that's where I want to be! So much of what I am now sorting through stems from that false image of myself. But God is faithful to finish everything He starts and I just can't wait to take another step. It's like every day you discover who you really are all over again.
I grew up not knowing whether I was precious to someone, with the omnipresent fear that if i simply did something wrong or displeased him, my father would stop loving me. The most horrifying words I ever heard were, "I'm very disappointed in you." And those words and that fear dug in deep, opening up fissures that refused to close again.
And now Jesus stands at those fissures and counters all the lies and false perceptions with His eternal truth: I delight in you. You are precious to me - I sacrificed everything to get you back. You bear My image. Now come to Me and let Me show you who you really are.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Story
I will never fully understand the depth of Jesus' grace toward me. I still do not understand why he hung there on that cross for me. What on earth did he have to gain?
What I do understand is the feeling of gratitude and humility that comes with scraping the surface of that understanding of grace - the incredible sense of naked, shameless glory that flows from that wooden cross and covers everything I've ever done, thought, imagined or said. I understand what it feels like to be clean. And to stand in the presence of a holiness that I cannot even fully comprehend. There is freedom there, in that sense of your own smallness, your filth, your inability to measure up.
Someday, I hope that I get to have the opportunity to share my story. My real Gospel story. It's not one that many people know, not even in my own family. But I hope that someday I get the chance and the strength to stand up and tell everyone what Jesus has done - without shame and guilt, without fear. I hope that someday I get the chance to tell someone in that situation that there is hope, that there is a way out, that there is another life. That there are choices. That it will not be easy - it will be excruciating - but that it is worth it. That I get to end my story by pointing at Him and say, "This man - this man is the reason for all that I am. This man is the answer and redemption you are so desperately begging for." Some say we are in denial, and I would say that is true. The life we are called to live is one of daily denial - denial of that which comes most naturally in favor of obedience. I want to be a slave to Jesus Christ - because as his slave I will never be more free.
There was once a time when I was afraid to tell my story to anyone. Now I am afraid to tell my story to everyone. What would it look like to live that way?
I want to be used to tell His story, even if it's only in some small way. I want to see someone else set free from the prison I once lived in. Please - if only once, if only for some short moment before I die - let me see the fruit of my life's testament to You. And let that testament be glorifying of the One who is the Deliverer, the Redeemer, the Author and Perfecter, and the Way.
What I hope is the final stretch of this road is beginning. Old wounds will be reopened. We lie to ourselves when we say that time heals all wounds; it doesn't. It only presses a "pause" button. And that is why, in some ways, I never made it past first grade. This road will require going back as far as I can, to the time and place where everything started.
It is a poetic irony that, so often, we must go back to the beginning in order to reach the end.
What I do understand is the feeling of gratitude and humility that comes with scraping the surface of that understanding of grace - the incredible sense of naked, shameless glory that flows from that wooden cross and covers everything I've ever done, thought, imagined or said. I understand what it feels like to be clean. And to stand in the presence of a holiness that I cannot even fully comprehend. There is freedom there, in that sense of your own smallness, your filth, your inability to measure up.
Someday, I hope that I get to have the opportunity to share my story. My real Gospel story. It's not one that many people know, not even in my own family. But I hope that someday I get the chance and the strength to stand up and tell everyone what Jesus has done - without shame and guilt, without fear. I hope that someday I get the chance to tell someone in that situation that there is hope, that there is a way out, that there is another life. That there are choices. That it will not be easy - it will be excruciating - but that it is worth it. That I get to end my story by pointing at Him and say, "This man - this man is the reason for all that I am. This man is the answer and redemption you are so desperately begging for." Some say we are in denial, and I would say that is true. The life we are called to live is one of daily denial - denial of that which comes most naturally in favor of obedience. I want to be a slave to Jesus Christ - because as his slave I will never be more free.
There was once a time when I was afraid to tell my story to anyone. Now I am afraid to tell my story to everyone. What would it look like to live that way?
I want to be used to tell His story, even if it's only in some small way. I want to see someone else set free from the prison I once lived in. Please - if only once, if only for some short moment before I die - let me see the fruit of my life's testament to You. And let that testament be glorifying of the One who is the Deliverer, the Redeemer, the Author and Perfecter, and the Way.
What I hope is the final stretch of this road is beginning. Old wounds will be reopened. We lie to ourselves when we say that time heals all wounds; it doesn't. It only presses a "pause" button. And that is why, in some ways, I never made it past first grade. This road will require going back as far as I can, to the time and place where everything started.
It is a poetic irony that, so often, we must go back to the beginning in order to reach the end.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Despair.com
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
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