Who You Really Are

There is so much going on in life right now that it's hard to keep up - and in a good way. Jesus is doing a lot in my life and in my family and it's difficult to even believe it. Change is everywhere, and it's change in the right direction. It's awkward and weird and painful, but it's the right direction.

Easter was a whole new experience this year. Mars Hill Downtown had record attendance and we baptized almost 30 people. Easter has always been a good day, but for some reason it wasn't until this year that it really moved me in a way that it hadn't before. Maybe it's because I have experienced so much of God's grace and redemption this year. He has wrought quite a bit of change in life over the past 14 months, most of which has not been easy. But in it all I can see His redemptive hand and mission, and even though it's painful most of the time I am totally on board with riding this ride. I know that the only thing that matches the incredible nature of the destination is the journey itself.

Most of all I am simply grateful that He continues to put up with me, continues to humble me, continues to impress upon me the fact that nothing I can do will make Him love me more. This past week, in the days leading up to Good Friday, that particular knowledge hit me especially hard and completely broke me. One day I was listening to a podcast about a specific issue God is working on in my heart and in my life and out of nowhere I just broke down and sobbed, suddenly and completely overcome with the impression of His grace and mercy toward me in the midst of my horrible brokenness - overcome with the sense of awe that flows from being loved so completely and so unconditionally. More and more I'm just overwhelmed by the idea that God would turn His face toward me and rescue me from myself - I still don't understand why. What did I have to offer? The answer of "nothing" still just doesn't compute to me even though my heart knows it's true.

But I know that's the core of what He's working on right now - getting me to fully understand who I am in His eyes, wiping away all of the filth and falsehood that has clouded that understanding for so many years. My value stems not from who I myself am or what I have to offer, but because of what Jesus has clothed me in through His own sacrifice. How different I would be if I truly understood how precious I am to Him and lived out of that security - that's where I want to be! So much of what I am now sorting through stems from that false image of myself. But God is faithful to finish everything He starts and I just can't wait to take another step. It's like every day you discover who you really are all over again.

I grew up not knowing whether I was precious to someone, with the omnipresent fear that if i simply did something wrong or displeased him, my father would stop loving me. The most horrifying words I ever heard were, "I'm very disappointed in you." And those words and that fear dug in deep, opening up fissures that refused to close again.

And now Jesus stands at those fissures and counters all the lies and false perceptions with His eternal truth: I delight in you. You are precious to me - I sacrificed everything to get you back. You bear My image. Now come to Me and let Me show you who you really are.