Cooooooooool...

Check out this website: www.myheritage.com

After doing the stupid free registration (use fake stuff) you can upload a photo of yourself. The program scans your face and returns matches of celebrities that you look resemble. I uploaded the regular color, full-resolution version of the photo of me you see in my profile at the right.

Some of my matches:

-Albert Einstein
-Edward Norton
-Ringo Starr

After trying another photo where I'm looking straight into the camera (and better resolution), I got the following hits:

-Nicholas Cage
-Jason Biggs
-Al Pacino (I've been told I resemble him before)
-Bobby Fischer (yup, THE Bobby Fischer.)
-Elijah Wood (aside to Erica: Well that's just plain creepy. Maybe we're related.)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand the most entertaining hit:
-Christina Ricci (ROFL!!!)

The Book of Books

"Born in the East and clothed in Oriental form and imagery, the Bible walks the ways of all the world with familiar feet, and enters land after land to find its own everywhere. It has learned to speak in hundreds of languages to the heart of man. It comes into the palace to tell the monarch that he is a servant of the Most High, and into the cottage to assure the peasant that he is a son of God. Children listen to the stories with wonder and delight, and wise men ponder them as parables of life. It has a word of peace for the time of peril, a word of comfort for the time of calamity, a word of light for the hour of darkness. Its oracles are repeated in the assembly of the people, and its counsels whispered in the ear of the lonely. The wicked and the proud tremble at its warnings, but to the wounded and the penitent it has a mother's voice. The wildnerness and the solitary place have been made glad by it, and the fire on the hearth has lit the reading of its well-worn pages. It has woven itself into our dearest dreams; so that love, friendship, sympathy and devotion, memory and hope put on the beautiful garmets of its treasured speech, breathing of frankincense and myrrh."

-Henry van Dyke

Why, Yes - Things CAN Actually Get Worse!

I have t-minus 13 days and 22 hours until my finals begin.

I have spent a grand total of 6 hours studying for Medieval German and close to 0 studying for EU Policy, which is going to be equally as difficult. This is akin to needing to dig a hole to China and stopping about 3 feet down.

Two other much, MUCH less important finals are also demanding just enough of my attention to cause me undue and unwanted stress and irritation. My work ethic is dying fast and there is no good place to study.

I have a severe head cold that, after beginning as a moderate sore throat, has effectively taken up residence in my nose, which is plugged yet constantly running and which will not respond to any amount of Benadryll or kleenex. My ears are plugged and my head is swimming from all the drugs I'm on. Today in class I stared off into space and actually slept with my eyes open.

My entire body is out of whack. My immune system has gone on vacation since I got here 5 months ago, my hair has mysteriously slowed growth to a FRACTION of the rate it used to, and I've actually noticed that it's falling out in the shower. I'm almost always tired and therefore running almost constantly on coffee. I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything, and I don't want to see anyone. I am apathetic in every area of my life.

Is the semester over yet?

European Union = Superpower?

So as I've mentioned before, I recently read a book called "The United States of Europe: The Superpower Nobody Talks About" by T.R. Reid. Now, I'm reading a book on a similar topic called "Why Europe Will Run the 21st Century" by Mark Leonard.

Both books have a similar thesis: The United States' time in the limelight with its "hard power" and military might is either coming to an end or already is. Europe, now under the banner of the European Union and weilding its "soft" or "transformative" power, has stepped into the leading role on the world stage. It's provoked some interesting thoughts for me.

Reid talks a lot about how the U.S. gets what it wants because of its incredible military might -- it has such a big stick that no one dares challenge it. Europe, on the other hand, gets what it wants through political pressure: "soft" power. By drawing countries into its sphere of influence, Leonard says, the EU is able to transform them into allies instead of enemies. Either that or it makes them dependent upon the EU for support and therein has its leverage.

Leonard also warns that the United States can only take its "hard" power so far -- and that eventually, the world will lose patience with us for it. I think can definitely see this going on today, especially with the Iraq war. America has lost a large degree of credibility in the eyes of the world, and it's painfully obvious. Granted, it's not like they loved us beforehand, but things are definitely more hostile now. If there is one thing I've learned so far this year, it's that Europe is a political force to be reckoned with and that the United States has got to start taking world opinion into account (at least partially) in its decisions.

However, I am not a fan of the way the EU has acted in the past either. France criticized the United States severely for acting unilaterally in the Iraq war -- and yet, within the framework of the EU, France plays very much the same role the United States does on the world stage (the heavyweight that throws its weight around) -- only on a smaller scale. When the U.S. was putting pressure on North Korea because of its nuclear program (I think we've sanctioned them at this point), the EU sent a delegation to NK right away to discuss aid options. Why the EU wants to help someone like Kim Jong Il further a nuclear weapons program is beyond me, and sometimes I think that the United States and the EU represent two extremes: the United States is a hardliner, willing to act unilaterially and uncompromisingly at whatever cost, while the EU sometimes seems to be the exact opposite -- no backbone, no deeper values for which they're willing to fight, and unwilling to bend or break the rules for a greater cause.

But I don't think that's what Europe wants to stand for anyway. While the United States has spent the last 60 years doing its thing, Europe has been quietly, slowly, and surely building a political and economic machine with one purpose: to challenge the United States' supremacy and once again secure Europe a place on the world stage.

And it's worked. It's safe to say that, between its own member states and the countries dependent upon it (and therefore willing to vote with it), the EU has nothing less than an iron grip on the United Nations. American companies, now needing access to the vast European market, are increasingly looking to Brussels for compliance standards for their products. Europe, in turn, is investing heavily in America -- it's no accident that Deutsche Telekom has emerged so strongly and quickly in the last 5 years as T-Mobile in the States (T-Mobile USA is now the cash cow for T-Mobile International, pulling in more revenue than T-Mobile Germany, UK, Netherlands, Austria, Czech Republic, Poland, Hungary, Croatia, and Slovakia). You'd be amazed at how many "American" companies are actually owned by European conglomerates. Take Verizon wireless, our biggest wireless provider. It's a shootoff of Vodafone, a British company.

So it's definitely been an enlightening 5 months here in Europe so far. I have definitely come away with a newfound respect for the continent, even if I don't always agree with what it does or what it stands for. In turn, I've become more critical and, in my opinion, more objective about my own country. I don't think I'll ever again be able to have the sort of tunnel vision I had before. Being outside of your own little bubble in the world for so long -- realizing that there actually IS a world out there -- causes you to really search for justification for things you've taken for granted your entire life.

It remains to be seen whether Europe really will be (or is) our second superpower. Europe has only a tiny military force (most of its army is integrated into the U.N. peacekeeping troops and NATO). If the United States pulls out of NATO (which I've heard whispers of), Europe will have a big problem, since it's left the military operations to the U.S. in the past. By the same token, it will be interesting to see where the United States goes in the coming years as Bush leaves office and we elect a new president who will likely have a different policy.

We Are Master Chefs

Tonight dinner was from scratch. Straight out of my new cookbook. The menu included:

-Wienerschnitzel with a wonderful mushroom cream sauce
-Green beans
-Rice
-Noodle soup

The schnitzel and the sauce was definitely what we'd call borderline orgasmic.

Fun stuff:

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

I Am So Dead Meat

We have 17 days till finals. I have an estimated 700-800 pages to read, take notes on, and learn in all subjects. I have a term paper to write, for which I also have to read another book. And that's just the stuff I can remember right now. I have never felt more like a deer in the headlights in my life. I've had some intense finals preparation periods, but this will definitely be the worst. I hope I survive.

February 15th will be such a sweet, sweet day of release.

Survey (Because I Am Bored)

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"Die kann man kochen, mit Schale oder ohne, in Wasser oder in Brühe."
-Basic Cooking (I'm becoming a master chef!)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Dirty dishes, pile of papers, camera, tee lights, dead Edward (bamboo plant), laptop, watter bottle, iPod, cup, knife (I used it to unscrew the bottom of the computer last night and left it there, I'm not sadistic), blank CDs, guitar tuner, coupon, chapstick, Basic Cooking book.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The news? I think it was N24.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
9:26

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9:27

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The busses and cars coming up the hill (faintly). Other than that it's dead silent here. I LOVE this dorm!

7. When did you last step outside?
To go to Campus for Christ last night at 8.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Erica's xanga, Emily's xanga, my blog, email, blah blah blah.

9. What are you wearing?
Boxers. And nothing else. I just got up.

10. What did you dream about last night?
I don't know if I had a dream last night. Don't remember one at least.

11. When did you last laugh?
at Campus last night. Really hard.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Posters, calendar

13. Seen anything weird lately?
............don't think so....maybe this question?

14. What do you think of this quiz?
See number 13

15. What is the last film you saw?
Oh geez....Monty Python's the Meaning of Life

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Pay for college, buy a house in Arizona, buy a VW Golf, donate money to my sisters to pay for their college anywhere they want, tithe, and donate a good million or few to the American Cancer Society.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I cannot stand it when people say "drownding" instead of "drowning."

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Make politics honest. I'm tired of double standards.

19. Do you like to dance?
only if I've had a couple drinks.

20. George Bush:
is this guy who leads my country and who has oh-so-little bearing on my life this year. He also can't speak (or has a HORRIBLE speach writer who needs to be fired) and this is beginning to really irritate me.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Sarah. Got that picked out already.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Brandon Tyler. Tyler was supposed to be MY middle name, but my dad changed it at the last minute. So Brandon's getting it instead.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Ummmmm.....see the title of the blog?

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Well done. Now wait till you see the mansion I've prepared for you. You like Doeners, right?"

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
Erica, Margaret, Lori, and whoever else wants to.

Procrastination is King

Why is it that, when I really need to be productive and study for finals, I can't get it together and motivate myself to actually sit down and STUDY?

In other news, my head is now naked. Well, okay, not naked -- I would never shave my head. But my hair is short again. I got a haircut today and I've forgotten what it feels like to have short hair. Thank goodness this time they didn't butcher me. First thing that I thought when I walked out of the haircutting place was "Man, my head is cold."

2 inches of new snow on the ground this morning. Figures. We finally get rid of the stuff we had for 3 weeks and it comes down again. So that was exciting. Meanwhile I am rebelling against the winter weather by wearing a jacket that's meant for fall temperatures instead of snowy ones. Take that, winter. I hope to persuade spring to get here faster by doing so. However, should my subtle hint not be enough, I will be forced to resort to sending chocolates, flowers, and kinky love notes.

Ossis and Wessis

One thing that I have yet to really understand about the German culture here in the former West is the view that people have of the former East Germans (Ossis). Many westerners (Wessis) that I've met often make jokes about Germans from the former Deutsche Demokratische Republik, and the Ossis are viewed with a definitely tangible amount of hostility. One day, while sitting in a restaurant next to a cheerful but rowdy and loud group of Germans with noticable Eastern accents, an accquaintance of mine leaned over and whispered with a smirk, "They're from Erich Honecker's side."

I realize that many of the Wessis see the Ossis as a threat or a burden. When the wall fell, former DDR citizens fled to the West by the thousands, in search of new jobs, new homes, a new life -- in search, basically, of the freedom that had been denied them for 40 years. Since the reunification of Germany in October 1990, the West has poured buckets of money into the former East in order to try to bring it up to Western standards of living. Still, 16 years later, the East is still mired in sometimes astronomical unemployment and much lower living conditions than in the West. With all the money it costs (seemingly without results) to sustain and reabilitate the East, I can see why the Wessis would be bitter.

But I still can't understand the animosity. It actually makes me angry to hear Wessis making jokes about the Ossis or criticizing them for whatever reason. The former East Germans I've met are some of the friendliest, most generous Germans I know. When I visited Matze in Neustadt I got the chance to also visit some close friends of his family who had lived in the DDR until the wall fell in 1989. I'll never forget watching their daughter Aileen (who was a teenager when the fall fell) -- as tears welled up in her eyes -- explain how "suddenly, everything we'd worked our entire lives for was worth nothing." The family had to sell everything it had -- furniture, belongings -- and strike out for the West with little more than a few suitcases. The sadness in the room while we talked about this -- the weight of 40 years of the DDR and all the memories of it -- was so heavy that it was almost suffocating. It was one of the most moving experiences of my entire life. Here was a family baring its soul, sharing such a priceless piece of its memories and of history with me. It was almost too much to take in.

And then I hear jokes and see the hostility toward the Ossis. It enrages me. How can the Wessis not have any sympathy for what it was like to have your whole world turned upside-down in a matter of hours? How can they mock people who have been through so much? Whether they were loyal to the state or not, the East Germans had a life too. For some, the fall of the wall meant the end of a socialist state they'd worked so hard to build. For others, it meant the first sweet taste of the freedom they'd dreamed of for so long. For all, it was a chaotic experience that forever erased the world they'd known for four decades.

I'm reminded of the relationship between the Northern Union states and Southern Confederacy following the Civil War and the reunification of my own country. There was, for a long time, animosity and tension between North and South - animosity that is, in many ways, still tangible today, more than 100 years later. It will take time, I suppose, for Germany to feel one again, just as it has taken time for the United States to feel whole. And even after that there will be tension and prejudice that extends for years afterward.

I just hope that soon there will no longer be the distinction between the "Ossis" and the "Wessis" and that the country can rest as a whole in the knowledge that, after all, they are all Germans.

Today's Random Act of Kindness

I lost my wallet today in the Mensa. It fell out of my coat pocket while I was putting it on, and I didn't notice until I was outside and across the street. After panicking, running back inside, and turning the cafeteria upside-down looking for it, I finally give up and leave to go up to the bank and get my debit card locked. No sooner am I out the door than my cell phone rings and the guy who found my wallet tells me where he is and returns it to me.

All I can say is thank God for his integrity and also that I had the foresight to write my cell phone number on the back of my bus pass 4 months ago. Oddly enough I did the same thing for a lady in the supermarket yesterday. She'd dropped her wallet while going through some veggies and didn't notice. I definitely now understand the feeling of relief and gratitude that she expressed to me when I tapped her on the shoulder and handed it to her. Her eyes went wide and she exclaimed, "Oh, an honest soul! Thank you!" Actually the only thing on my mind at that moment was that I had realized that I didn't know what the verb "dropped" was in German. I just said she'd "lost" it instead.

Random acts of kindness are fun. It's amazing how surprised people are these days when someone does something honest or generous when they don't have to. Spread the love, ya'll. Spread the love.

Hmmmm...

Lately I've been toying with the idea of staying here an extra semester to do that internship in Bonn -- assuming that they have an open spot by then and that things would work out with ASU. I'm not wild about the prospect of missing ANOTHER semester at ASU, but that was one heck of a job opportunity. We'll see how I feel about it in a few months.

Schwarzwald Skiing

Well, everyone, we're back from our weekend ski trip in the Black Forest on the Feldberg. All I can say is that it was an all-around great time.

The slopes were great -- winding, steep, unpredictable slopes racing through the thick wood all around us. There was one funny moment where we'd decided to take a red slope, the Fahler Loch, but we'd heard that it became a black slope later on down the run. Well, the sign said it was red and we decided we'd take the risk anyway. (In Europe, ski runs are color-coded: blue=easy, red=medium, black=hard).

So anyway, long story short is that it most definitely DID become a black slope (a nearly vertical one) and we discovered the hard way why its name is the "Fahler Hole." But it was so much fun and the challenge definitely kept you on your toes. I've reached the point in my skiing ability where I'm not worried about getting hurt and actually view the red/black slopes as a fun challenge.

The weekend started off with a Schneeschuhwanderung (snow shoe hike) up the mountain, which is called the Feldberg. I think it's about 1 400 meters (little over 3,000 feet) high. We had some great views of the Schwarzwald (black forest) and the Alpen (alps), which were about 200 miles away or so.

That was all we had time our first day -- on Saturday we were a bit late starting off, hitting the slopes at 10am or so. But we made the most of the day and skiied almost nonstop till the lifts closed at 5pm. Today we woke up earlier, got everything ready to go, and were on the slopes at 9am when they opened, tickets in hand. Unfortunately we could only ski till noon, but it was still a great time.

The last lift we took carried us straight up the mountain through a very thin opening in the trees. We were up in the clouds, so it looked foggy, there was fresh snow covering everything, and it was so peaceful and still -- I could have stayed up there for hours if it wasn't freezing.

The ski weekend was, all in all, an amazing time. I almost decided not to go, but now I'm so glad that I chose to come along. I usually don't really feel "rested" at the end of active vacations like that (I usually need a lot of lounging around during vacation) but somehow those two days of constant skiing really just cleared my head and relaxed me (and exhausted me) more than I've been in a long time. It was good to unplug a bit and just have fun with good friends, and get away from Tübingen, away from school, away from everything on my mind.

Well, almost away. I had a lot on my mind the whole weekend, including the internship. Over the past couple days it's really sunken in just how amazing of an opportunity I had to watch slip away -- and that's difficult. But all I can tell myself at this point is that there really wasn't much I could have done -- and even if I could or should have, I'm sure that the Lord will have something out there for me in the future that will be just as good, if not better. Gotta just rest in that at this point.

Weird thought that hit me the other day: it's been WEEKS if not a good month since I've thought of home. What I mean is that whether I like it here in Germany or not I've stopped thinking of this place as a "home away from home" and rather as home proper. It's hard to explain. It's mostly just that I don't think about being anywhere else anymore. I was going through some friend's pictures online the other day and saw some photos of friends at ASU at a football game this past fall. And I just stared at it in confusion for a second and then thought, Ohhhh...right, they're all still back in Arizona! Life has actually been going on without me there! It was definitely a really weird moment and it made me wonder whether it will be easy to fit back into things there when I return.

Tomorrow we jump into a new week and the start of Matt's Frantic Pre-Finals Studying Extravaganza. If anyone needs me, I shall be temporarily moving into the reading room at the library.

Optimism and Insanity

Now that I've had a day or so to sort of process this whole internship thing, I feel a lot better. I'm thankful that I get to stay in Tübingen another 6 months and enjoy this area and all my friends. I don't think I would have been able to stand leaving all this behind.

So outlook for the future looks good. By the same token, we are now at 3 weeks and counting until finals descend upon us, which means that starting Monday I will be retreating into the library for hours on end to get ready. Why Monday, you ask? Because tomorrow I am going skiing again for the weekend -- this time in the Schwarzwald. I'm excited -- it's going to be a good time with everyone. So I will be off the radar for a couple days, we come back on Sunday evening.

Tschüß!

Where Were You?

After days and days of prayer, contemplation, and serious pondering, it's finally over. I've decided not to accept the internship placement.

There are many reasons for this, the most important of which is the fact that the tuition my parents have already paid ASU is probably not refundable and the fact that my scholarship would be in jeopardy. It was just all too much, too fast, and too late. Had the firm contacted me just a week, even a few days earlier, it might have worked out. But I think that the fact that there were so many hoops to jump through and that the timing was so horrible is a signal that this probably isn't what God has for me.

The firm called today and asked how things were going. I had pretty much decided by then, but I hadn't gotten a chance to call them. So I told them then and there. The clock had run down and time was up.

As relieving as it is to have made a decision and have this behind me, I'm still upset about it. It's hard to watch an opportunity like this just float away and honestly more than anything, I'm just wondering where on earth God was during all this. He was silent and I never once felt any comfort or direction. I felt like I was out in the middle of the ocean in a storm all alone without so much as a compass. It was as if He had decided to go on vacation when I needed his advice and above all his presence badly. Am I angry? No, but I am confused. What did I do wrong?

The Firm

I am exhausted. I have gotten an absolute maximum of three hours of sleep and have spent three and a half hours on the train to get here, followed by a half-hour bus ride through Bonn's residential sectors. Now, finally standing at the entrance to the corporate campus, the long journey is over and I am ready for a nap.

So why is my heart beating like a jackhammer?

The first obstacle is to figure out where to go. There is no obvious "front door" and no central building. To my left stands a massive glass structure with a wall made up of millions of small colored lights that are constantly changing patterns and hues. Inside I can see that the back wall of the building is one huge video screen showing advertisements for the firm's various products.

To the right is a series of shorter, apartment-style looking buildings painted in colorful hues, connected by a series of glass skybridges. I stand there for a good 30 seconds trying to figure out where I should go. Where on earth is the front desk?

Then, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of green: a Starbucks logo on the right side of the enormous glass building. Irrelevant. New priority. I step through the automatic-revolving doors into the enormous glass cube.

Bingo. The front desk. A massive waiting area at least half the size of a football field. Broad, circular desk manned by no less than five receptionists. To the left, a Starbucks -- the first one I've seen in months -- shining like a beacon of light in a world full of darkness. But sadly, having found the front desk, priorities are back to normal. Here goes nothing.

"Hallo, Department XYZ?" I ask, expecting her to direct me to the correct floor. Odd that the department's name is in English instead of German.

Receptionist #3 narrows her heavily-mascara-ed eyes and furrows her brow. "Bitte? Ich habe kein Wort verstanden."

Whaddya mean you don't understand? That's the name of the department! "Uhhhh, yes. It's Department XYZ. I'm looking for Herr Baumann?"

Finally, a response. "Name?" She began typing. It takes three tries for her to finally spell my first name correctly and realize that "Matthew" is not, in fact, my last name. Dangit -- gotta remember to introduce myself with my LAST name here.

"Please take a seat. Herr Baumann will be down to pick you up in a moment. Would you like a coffee?" I cast a longing gaze at the Starbucks. No, bad idea. Last thing I need is to have coffee breath unarmed with gum. She slides a temporary ID card with a clip holder across the counter and I take my seat in the Starbucks lounge area across from a large man enjoying his surely-soy-non-fat-decaf latte (otherwise known as a "why bother."). He eyes me and I eye him. That's right. Go on and drink your coffee. One day, the tables will be turned and it'll be you oogling MY coffee. One day...

Herr Baumann fetches me. Everything is a blur. First thought: Dangit -- should have gone with the suit-but-no-tie. I'm underdressed. He speaks so quietly I can hardly hear him and have to strain to catch every word. He ushers me through the glass doors guarded by a security guard (I flash the pass hanging on my pocket) and we're in. This is where it all happens. It's lunch hour, and the employees are all filing out of the elevators and into what looks like a huge cafeteria.

"I thought we could have lunch with a couple of colleages of mine." Herr Baumann explains and introduces me to two people whose names I cannot catch over the loud chatter in the lobby. We step into the cafeteria, and --

Whoa. This company loves their employees. A lot.

It's a college dining hall the way it was meant to be. Two stories. Soda, water, juice, and smoothie dispensers -- all you can drink. Counters soliciting their various specialities -- Vegetarisch, Tagesgericht, Spezialitäten, Nachtisch. A cafe. Coffee and cocoa dispensers. Hundreds of chairs and tables spread about a well-lit (thanks to the fact that two of the four walls are floor-to-ceiling glass.) atrium. I've died and gone to dining hall heaven.

"Just grab a tray and silverware and stuff and we'll meet at the cash register." Herr Baumann ambles off with his colleages and I juggle my coat and bag with the tray. Finally, having secured my Schnitzel, potatoes, carrots, and water, I rejoin the others and we find find a table with four seats free.

The questions begin. Where did I learn German? How old am I? Why am I majoring in Economics? What interests me about Company X? I attempt to master the art of chewing when they talk and organizing my food on my plate when I talk. Finally, the question that stops my heart from Colleage #2:

"So, in order to put my mind at ease about hiring someone under 24 onto a team like ours, tell me what your most important asset is."

I almost choke on the schnitzel. Besides the fact that I'm pretty sure it's illegal to make a statement like that about my age in the U.S., I hate that question. However, we are neither in the U.S. nor playing by my rules here. Time to deliver.

"First off, I think my age is an asset. I'm young, and that means that, if invested in by this company, I have a lot to offer Company X for the long haul. I'm an investment." All this in broken, horrible, gut-wrenching German.

"Pretty cocky," Colleage #2 replies, "but we're interested in what you offer NOW."

Strike one. Remember what they want and cut the crap. "Alright. Well, look, I've made no secret of the fact that I have not even started my major coursework yet. I have nothing but my Grundstudium to go off of, and as we discussed earlier, Grundstudium in the States is worth next to nothing. So as far as business-related details goes, gentlemen, I am a blank slate. I have basic accounting, basic econ, and good Microsoft Office skills. But what I can tell you is this: I am an extremely fast learner. I learn fast and I will learn whatever it takes to do this job and meet your expectations." I finish, sit back, and inhale.

Colleage #2 seems taken aback by my honesty. Herr Baumann's eyebrows are raised. "That's a good point." I can't tell whether he's actually impressed or can somehow tell that I'm dying a little inside and is trying to get his colleage to back off.

The rest of lunch goes smoothly and it's my turn to ask questions. I ask in detail about some of the tasks I'd be performing and strain hard to catch every word of the responses I get. I discover anew that in German, if you do not know every single word in a sentence spoken to you, you can lose the entire meaning easily. I come away with a basic but far-less-complete-than-I'd-like-it-to-be understanding of what this job would entail.

We head upstairs to the office. Herr Baumann stops at a small display showcasing Company X's most popular products. "I'm sure you're familiar with some of these from the States," he remarks, and picks one of the gadgets up. I am wondering if every employee gets one of those for free.

The office is equally impressive. Desks with hydraulics that can raised and lowered to allow one to work standing or sitting. Cubicles with frosted-white glass separators. I meet the other two interns, one of whom I am replacing. First thought: Why is he wearing sneakers with his suit? He fills me in on the final details of the job, reassures me that I'll learn everything I need to know here, and takes me back to the front door. "We need a definite answer by Friday, so please find out what you need to with your university and let us know." We say goodbye and I'm off to the bus stop again.

I sit on the bench at the edge of campus, heartbeat finally returning to normal. My mind is blank and I have no idea what I want to do. I hope things work out with ASU. Or do I?

The bus takes me back downtown, where I get off and wander the Altstadt. It's raining now, and I'm soaked, but I don't care. I'm in a daze. I'm hungry but don't want to eat. An enormous cathedral emerges in front of me and I duck inside.

Quiet. Peaceful, wonderful, ruhig, quiet. Colorful fresco, marble, the soft glow of electric bulbs hanging from the ceilings. The most magnificient altar I've ever seen in my life, golden, an explosion of color, lit by the most beautiful stained glass I've ever seen at its rear. It's a work of art. The whole cathedral is breaktaking.

I wander to the back and slide into a pew, eyes mesmerized by the front of the church. And in the quiet solitude, I suddenly feel afraid, depressed, and desperate. I cry out silently.

Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want this or not. You know my heart, you know what it is that I need better than I do. You know that all I want is to do what You would have me do. Please.....please -- if it is Your will that I do this, make the details work out with ASU.

The woman in front of me finishes praying, stands up, crosses herself, and leaves. I sit there for a few more minutes before venturing out into the rain again to wander the streets. A beggar sitting on the Marktplatz against a lamppost -- soaking wet and huddled in a blanket -- asks me for change as I walk by, but I ignore him and walk on. 500 meters later, fingering the coins in my pocket and driven by I don't know what, I turn around and return to his spot. I stop in front of him and hold out the coins in my hand. He smiles as I drop them into his open palm. "Danke schoen."

I decide to get out of this rainy city earlier than I'd planned and return to the train station. I sit on the Bahnsteig for 30 minutes waiting for the train to arrive, and when it does, I plop down into a seat next to a window in a nearly empty car.

The InterCity chugs along the Rhine, which is cloaked in fog and dusted with a layer of snow that won't budge. Barges navigate its low waters cautiously as I stare blankly out the window. I still don't know what to do. I don't want to make a decision.

It's not up to you anymore. Just go home, check your email for word from ASU, and let God handle the rest.

Four hours later I finally trudge into Waldhäuser-Ost. I stop at the store to buy some bread for Abendbrot, check my snail-mail (2 letters), and return to my room.

No email from ASU. A letter from the DAAD notifying me of the meeting in March, and a cell phone bill for 34 euro.

Outside, the rain falls steadily in the dark.

Location, Location, Location

Welcome to the new home of A European Odyssey. I have decided to switch to Blogger (again) because it's cleaner and simpler and will cut down on the amount of time I waste online. Simple as that. I am still in the process of transferring old entries onto this site, but after a while I will have all the entries relating to this year up here.

On Tuesday I will be traveling to Bonn in order to visit the firm offering me an internship position and get a feel for the company and the place I'd be working before I decide whether or not to accept their offer.

The prospect of moving to Bonn is still pretty exciting -- it's the chance to really live on my own and experience the "big city life" in Germany, versus the relatively small town life that I've had in Tübingen. I think that Bonn just might feel more like "home" since it's about the same size as Seattle. It's just a gorgeous city too, and it has an U-Bahn, S-Bahn, and of course we can't forget the Rhine.

I haven't thought much about the job itself lately for some odd reason. I mean work is work. I think it's going to be a great opportunity for me -- it is, at the very least, a chance to get a taste of the career path that I think I've always wanted. To be sure that this is the direction I want to go.

Anyway time to head to bed or at least get something meaningful done with my evening. Like maybe cleaning the room. It's a disaster in here.

Education Gets in the Way of My Education

Not good: Having a million things to do/study, but instead having to sacrifice 3 hours of my precious evening time to sit in a pointless seminar.

Good: Going for a run yesterday with my new winter running gear (with an awesome pouch on the arm of the jacket for the iPod so I can FINALLY run hands-free).

Not good: slipping while running on a sheet of ice, falling on my hip, and the resulting limp.

Telephone interview with Company X tomorrow. In German. I'm scared to death.

Smoking

Prompted by a snippet on Rachel's blog, I decided to discuss the subject of smoking real quick here. Europeans and Americans have very, very different attitudes on this subject and I think it's fascinating.

In Europe, almost everyone smokes. Moreover, there are very few public places where you CAN'T smoke, which means that if you walk into any regular restaurant, you will very likely find half the place lit up in a cloud of nicotine. When I first got to Germany this drove me crazy. I couldn't go out without my clothes stinking and I always wanted to take a shower afterward.

Moreoever, it's completely legal for cigarette companies to advertise the same way any other companies do. You will see billboards, signs, banners, bus advertisements, and even heart-string-tugging cigarette previews at the movie theatre. One preview for a company (I think it was Next) went on about "We want to make the world a better place" and at the close showed an entire intersection full of pedestrians all holding up cigarettes and smiling. That was definitely an odd experience.

Europeans are very laid-back about smoking as well. If you smoke, it's not really a big deal and no one really seems to care. Everyone knows that it's horribly unhealthy for you but that doesn't seem to make much of a difference either. I have no idea what the rate of lung cancer or other smoking-related diseases is here in Europe but you sure don't hear ANYTHING about those kinds of diseases (in contrast to the States, where you're constantly seeing anti-smoking ads trying to convince you that secondhand smoke is the single greatest threat to your health).

In the States, the general attitude toward smoking is absolutely the opposite of that in Europe. Smoking carries with it a huge stigma and is frowned upon greatly by almost everyone. I was recently watching an old FRIENDS episode (the one where Rachel smokes) and I was shocked watching the characters react to it. Monica wouldn't even SIT next to Rachel after she'd smoked because she just "stunk." After almost 5 months of living in a completely different atmosphere, I was absolutely blown away by this sudden resurfacing of the American way of thinking. It not only struck me as incredible, but rude (which goes to show just how much my attitude toward smoking has changed). But behavior like that is perfectly acceptable in the States because smoking is so taboo.

My attitude toward smoking has changed drastically as a result of being here. It no longer bothers me greatly to go to a restaurant and sit next to or among a bunch of people who are impersonating chimneys. I've accepted the fact that my clothes will smell like cigarettes and have harnessed the power of Febreeze when I go home. No need to wash clothes over and over again now, no big deal. Yes, I'm breathing in a lot of "secondhand" smoke every day just by being here, but so is the rest of this continent and they're doing just fine.

I just can't relate to the old American smoking stigma anymore. I fail to see why it's such a huge deal. I mean yes, it's HORRIBLE for you and if you do it for a long time it will eventually kill you. But I just can't freak out anymore when someone lights up around me. I don't see the point. I would be really interested, like I said, to see the rates of smoking-related diseases and cancers here in Europe, because judging from the number of smokers here it must be astronomical (yet, oddly, we hear nothing about it here).

Anyway that's the cultural quip of the day, folks.

Okay, Okay, I'll Write a REAL Update

So Christmas & New Year's. I don't feel like going into a ton of detail here so you basically need to know that it was a great time, Matze's family was absolutely wonderul as usual, I learned how to ski in the Czech Republic (while discovering just how much of a beating the human body can actually sustain). I (amazingly) didn't break any bones or fall into a ditch and starve. It was a good time. Now the semester is back in action.

Yesterday was a bad day. We got our second test back in medieval German. I knew that I'd failed, but somehow seeing the little "6" in the corner just made it real. Or maybe it was when the professor handed back my test, leaned in, and -- in front of the class -- said, "You failed very badly. Did you not learn the material?"

I felt my cheeks grow hot. Let's see.....judging from the look of this test, I would say that's a NO, now wouldn't you, Mr. Professor? And the only reason I didn't learn this material is because I forgot there was a test in the first place.

Said professor then proceeded to discuss the aggragated results of the foreign students in the class as a whole and remarked, somewhat puzzled, that "the exchange students seem to be having some trouble with the translation sections of the test."

Really? That's odd. I wonder why! Hmmmm... Could it be because -- and this is just a shot in the dark -- this isn't our native language?

I fail to understand the pattern I am noticing in German professors who seem to think it's perfectly okay to discuss my test results with the entire class. Whatever happened to academic privacy? Resolve to spend the remaining month before the Klausur eating, drinking, and breathing Mediavistik in order to pass with flying colors and salvage my grade. Or just not hand in the Schein. Or have said professor assassinated.

Classes today were considerably better. Although I was subjected to the utter agony of listening to Professor X discuss medieval literature for 3 hours this morning, my European Union lecture went swimmingly. Thanks to my loyal companion Mr. Coffee, I was awake and alert the entire time, understood everything, and took fabulous, highly detailed notes in German. It just clicked and it was great.

Lunch was the first Doener I've had in over two weeks with Almir, and which I cannot live without upon returning to the States. Resolve to learn how to make homemade Doeners. Bought a cookbook yesterday and will now spend some time deciding what to make for dinner tonight before I take the iPod for its first winter run.

Back in Tübingen

and after two straight weeks of travel/vacation/skiiing it is SO good to be home. Aaahhh.

Yes, I Am Alive

and not bleeding to death in a ditch somewhere in the Czech Republic, although that almost happened a couple times. I'm in Braunschweig slash Hannover right now and will be back in Tübingen on the 7th, on which day I will start work on a post about the trip with pics and maybe even a video if I feel extra fleißig. Website needs to be de-Christmasized too.