After days and days of prayer, contemplation, and serious pondering, it's finally over. I've decided not to accept the internship placement.
There are many reasons for this, the most important of which is the fact that the tuition my parents have already paid ASU is probably not refundable and the fact that my scholarship would be in jeopardy. It was just all too much, too fast, and too late. Had the firm contacted me just a week, even a few days earlier, it might have worked out. But I think that the fact that there were so many hoops to jump through and that the timing was so horrible is a signal that this probably isn't what God has for me.
The firm called today and asked how things were going. I had pretty much decided by then, but I hadn't gotten a chance to call them. So I told them then and there. The clock had run down and time was up.
As relieving as it is to have made a decision and have this behind me, I'm still upset about it. It's hard to watch an opportunity like this just float away and honestly more than anything, I'm just wondering where on earth God was during all this. He was silent and I never once felt any comfort or direction. I felt like I was out in the middle of the ocean in a storm all alone without so much as a compass. It was as if He had decided to go on vacation when I needed his advice and above all his presence badly. Am I angry? No, but I am confused. What did I do wrong?
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
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3 comments:
Nothing, Matt. You did nothing wrong. As far as I can tell. Maybe we can talk later? A drink soon? Let me know.
I am glad you are staying here, and I am glad that I got a guilt dinner out of you before there was no guilt to be had.
You know, sometimes God may be silent because he is ok with you doing either of your two choices. I know that we sometimes pray, "just show me what fits into your plan for my life, your will, etc..." but it's possible that either decision will still fit into his plan for our life. It may be that whether you decided to take the internship or not, you would still end up in the same place. Really, it is God's will that we simply follow Him and glorify Him at all times. That can be done through many different avenues. If God really wants you to make a certain move and you pray for His guidance, be sure that he will answer your prayer. There is no reason for him not to. So maybe God was just saying, "you make the decision Matt, and I'll smile no matter what you decide." That's just my quick thoughts on the issue. Hope all is well with you, and be safe skiing.
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