Back in the U.S.

So the trip to Frankfurt to check into the hotel went well. My suitcases were heavier than I thought I could handle, but it worked out just fine in the end. When I checked into the hotel behind a score of tourists from the USA and Asia who spoke marginal English and no German, the lady behind the counter looked like she could die of relief when I spoke German with her. "Can I get your name for the room?" she asked.

"Linden," I replied.

"Oh, a German name." she winked.

Left the hotel the next morning at 5am and made the mistake of taking a taxi to the airport to save my sanity (goodbye 34 euro). I would have missed my flight due to the long security lines if it hadn't been for one airport employee who escorted me right to the front of the line and forced the woman at the counter to check me in. Then, my suitcase weighed over 35 kilo, but the counter lady didn't say anything. No one made one peep about me carrying on my guitar the entire time, either. Either they raised the weight limit on baggage or this was my very, very lucky day.

I landed yesterday evening after what is quite possibly the longest flight I think I've ever experienced. It was like slowly dying at 40,000 feet for 11 hours. I only watched one movie, "Syriana" which I had seen before but not in English, so I thought maybe if I watched it again in my native language it might make more sense .... yeah, it didn't. The rest of the movies sucked so I didn't even bother.

Got home, and the family had invited our good family friends Meg & Scott over for a welcome-home bbq. So that was awesome. I also discovered that Heineken is definitely a good beer that will satisfy my beer needs while in this country, which is a huge relief. Oh and I showed everyone my totally awesome trick that I learned in Germany, whereby I can open a beer bottle using nothing but ... another beer bottle! It's life-changing, seriously, ask me so show you sometime and be amazed.

I made it until about 9:30pm and then I was pretty much comatose (since I'd been up since 4am the previous day and hadn't slept on the plane). After sleeping for what seemed like a century I woke up and thought it most be at least 10am. Came downstairs and no, it's 6:30 am. And I am totally rested. Gotta love that Stateside jetlag.

Anyway so here I am, back in the States. I keep forgetting I still have to write a paper (ugh). I also need to go and get a new cell phone today (holy crap, it's SUNDAY and I can actually go and DO SOMETHING because the stores are open!!) and get my hair cut.

So that's it. Back in the States. It seems like such a non-event now. If I could sum it up in one word it would just be: Meh. No biggie. I'm just glad the trip is over and that I'm back in Starbucks-land. (Seriously, I really am glad. That is one of the first things on my list today).

And it's so nice and coooooooool here in Seattle. Such a typical Seattle day. Scattered clouds and maybe low 70s. Lovin' it after that heat wave.

P.S. I put a load of laundry in about 20 minutes ago and just now remembered that...oh yeah...IT'S DONE WASHING! It doesn't take 2 hours or a stupid laundry coin anymore! I never bought the argument that German washers are better because they wash things horizontally and for way longer than is necessary. I'll concede that the front-loading style probably gets the soap/water around better, but I'm sorry, it does NOT take 2 frickin hours to clean a garmet. I'll take my 20-minute American-style wash cycle any day. Oh man, it was SO satisfying to put things in a DRYER again. Mmmmmm laundry.

"To Leave is to Die a Little"

I finally understand this statement. I think that it wouldn’t really matter whether I was leaving Saturday or Tuesday – no matter whether I leave sooner or later, I would have to deal with the incredible, sudden rush of emotion that I am experiencing right now.

I want to go home. I do. I want to be back in the United States, back in my native country, with my native language, my native culture, and everything that goes along with that. I’ve always been a wanderer. I’ve never been happy in one place for too long. But the biggest lesson that I have learned this year is that at some point, you have to recognize your roots. You have to come to an understanding of who you are, why you are the way you are, and you have to be okay with it. I used to want to be “Germanized,” used to glorify the German language and culture, placing it above my own.

But this year has taught me to fall in love with my American-ness. I have learned what it really means to be an American. I’ve realized how my upbringing in the United States has shaped my attitudes, my beliefs, my values, and everything that I am. Most importantly, I’ve learned to be proud of that and never to place anyone else’s “way of life” above my own only because it’s different. It’s different, and it’s great, but it’s not “mine,” and it never will be. I will always be an American, and that fact will always shape who I am.

I have learned to appreciate my home. Nomad that I am, I am always wishing that I could be someplace else. When I’m in Seattle, I wish I had the palm trees of Arizona or the medieval flair of Germany, and vice versa. But now, after being away for so long, I feel that Seattle will be more special to me than it has been before. Nowhere else can I walk the waterfront, directly at the foot of the skyscrapers of downtown, smelling the salt of Elliot Bay and watching the fishing boats come in and out. Nowhere else can I wander Pike Place Market, with its turn-of-the-century, funky atmosphere, and experience what an American market really is. Nowhere else can I drive down I-90 with the windows down and the sunroof open, my favorite song on the radio, and the green, rolling foothills of the Cascades all around me. This is my home, and it’s no “better” than anyone else’s anywhere else in the world – but it’s mine, and it is unique.

The year is ending the same way that it began: suddenly. I remember back in August how panicked I was that the departure date had snuck up on me, and now, almost 12 months later, it has literally snuck up on me again. There doesn’t seem to be enough time to explore my thoughts and sort out my emotions – it’s just so much, so fast.

Yes, I want to go home. But I think back on everything that this year has been and my heart hesitates. It has been a great year, it has been an awful year, it has been everything in between. I’ll never forget the evenings spent in pubs with friends, drinking robust, frothy beer and relishing the knowledge that I am experiencing something, living something that so few people will ever have the chance or the desire to do. I’ll think back on afternoons spent punting around on the Neckar in a Stocherkahn, admiring the colorful and happily sagging houses along the water’s edge. I’ll remember how hard it was to be away from family and country during Christmas but smile at the beautiful pictures of a snow-laden medieval town and the memories of the beautiful Christmas markets, sipping hot, spiced wine, that I have received in return. I’ll reflect on how much I hated the never-ending lecture periods but grin a little when I remember how amazing it was to sit there and listen to my lectures and write term papers in a different language. I’ll smell the rich, earthy aroma of the farms as I run through my old jogging route in my dreams and taste the bittersweet coffee that I drank at outdoor cafes while gazing out over the marketplace and thinking, “There is nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.”

As much as I know that I need to go home, the biggest part of me does not want to leave right now. It’s painful to think that this is now all over. Just like this, it’s all coming to an end. So sudden, so unexpected, even though I’ve been waiting for this for months. Standing before the very thing I’ve been dying to do – get on that plane and return to America – I am now ripped to shreds by the sudden, unanticipated resistance of my own emotions. It’s because when I get on that plane, there is no longer any turning back. It will be, once and for all, over. Never again can I have this experience, never again will I be a college student in Europe, studying in a small town called Tübingen. Never. The finality is crushing, and my mind begins throwing out excuses to try to prevent the inevitable. “You can’t leave! There is so much you haven’t done yet!”

Yes, that's the most painful part of this whole process of leaving: the knowledge that it has to end. I feel helpless. It's a sobering feeling when you realize that you cannot stop time. It has to go on.

I feel exactly the same way that I did when I left ASU to leave for Germany. Just as when I left Arizona, I am now leaving the world that I've spent a year building for myself. And when I get on that train to Frankfurt it will all go up in smoke. It's over. Done. We all say "we'll come back." And we will. But it won't be the same, not by a long shot. The world we've known here is, in a sense, going to disappear. And I suppose that's why it feels as though I am dying a little. To leave, as they say, is to die a little.

The worst part of the whole experience is that it calls your very identity into question. Who am I? Where do I belong? I feel at home on both continents - which one is truly home? The nomad in me wants a real, definite answer. I belong here, in Germany, and yet I do not. Seattle is my home, and yet it is not. There is no answer to these questions.

Real closure for this experience, I suppose, is not possible in this moment, no matter when I leave. There will always be the voices of hesitation, of regret, of missed opportunities, of fond memories refusing to be cast aside, that beg for me to stay where I am here and now. But I’ve learned something else this year: I can’t just stay. Life keeps going, whether you’re along for the ride or not. It HAS to end. It has to end so that something new can begin. The incredible impact of this year will fade into the past, and with it the clarity of the emotions it contained. But if it didn’t, we would be stuck forever in the present instead of looking forward. Here and now is beautiful, but it would become a wasteland if it never changed. Kirsten Dunst summed it up beautifully in the film Elizabethtown:

"You have five minutes to wallow in the delicious misery. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Discard it. And proceed."

It is time to move on, to begin the next chapter. Tomorrow I'm going to get up early, take my camera, and go out to my old jogging route through the farmland above the student village. I'm going to take pictures of these beautiful Swabian farmhouses, inhale deeply and smell the scent of the freshly-tilled crops, and sit on the bench that overlooks the whole valley. I'll go to my last class and pick up my last certificate. I'll go to the Altstadt, wander around, soak it in, and take as many pictures as I can. Then I'll close my bank account and move out of my room.

I'll get on the train, and I'll watch the "Tübingen Hbf" signs fade away as I speed toward Frankfurt. I will finish the year-in-review video before I leave Germany, encapsulate this experience, and then I will get on that plane and step from one world back into another. And that will be it.

I will be back someday, and hopefully not too long from now. There isn’t any question about that. But for now, it’s time to go home. It’s time to go home and embrace the future once again, even though it's painful. It's time to go, the same way that I did on August 16th, 2005.

Goodbye, Germany.

Just About Done

Room is almost completely empty, minus my luggage and the random crap that just needs to be thrown out. After I do that I just need to wipe everything down and clean the bathroom and I'm finished. I'll do the rest later tonight.

::relief::

I hope my suitcase isn't too heavy. It probably is. Oh well, I'll pay the extra if I have to, it can't be THAT much over the limit. Now it's time to shower and head down to the last Campus für Christus meeting...then it's out for a drink with Franzi and Martina afterward. After that, it's back to the room for the final clean-up and eventually bed.

I can't believe it's my last night in Tübingen. It's not really "hit" me yet. I'm too busy trying to get stuff done.

Packing Day

I woke up today nauseous. Again. For about the 5th day in a row. Something's gotta be wrong...it's just not normal to wake up feeling like you're going to throw up every morning. Unless you're pregnant, which I highly doubt that I am.

Today will be a day spent packing up the room, getting the last boxes shipped off, and trying to get ready for the big departure tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I leave Tübingen. Weeeeiiird.

The Tests, the Beer Garden, and a Sunset

Well, finals are done. Finally.

My oral exam for German literature went so amazingly well that I can hardly believe it myself. I soared through every single question he asked me and I could tell he was impressed with the terms I was throwing out that showed I knew what I was talking about. There were a few little mistakes here and there, and for that, I get a 1,3. That is a very, very solid A in the American system. Getting that done made me suddenly feel great again - stomach pains are gone, my jitteryness is gone, and i feel great.

Took my written history exam today too, which also went okay. Nothing major, but I won't know what I got on that for some time. The Schein will be mailed later on.

Ended up not going to Reutlingen nor getting the beer diploma, but it was totally worth it for what we got to do instead. The beer garden we went to is called Schwärzlocher Hof, and it's on the top of a small hill overlooking the valley that Tübingen is nestled in. It was, in a word, absolutely gorgeous. Picture of our view below.

While we were sitting there eating Bratwurst and Sauerkraut (at least I was), I was looking out over this view and watching the sun go down, thinking, "I can't believe I'm leaving this place." Why is it that you only really start to appreciate the beauty of something when it's coming to an end?

My Body Hates Me

Food has never been a favorite thing of mine. For me, "eating" has always been a second priority; something you do when and if you have time. Always. It happens often that I completely forget to eat lunch or dinner because I'm working on something else. This cannot be normal.

And now my body hates me, and is exacting its revenge for the past week of malnourishment.

I am so tired of waking up in the morning feeling like I'm going to die. This happens often during finals, that I just have so much to get done that I don't even eat right. But it's almost over. Just a couple more days. It just makes me so unbelievably angry on a day like today when I need to be up, chipper, and go go go and then my body decides to make me feel like crap, making me lethargic and barely able to eat because I feel so sick. If you want me to eat, body, then for pete's sake, LET ME EAT! If my body was a person, I'd beat the crap out of him for ruining my productivity.

I am not wild about the idea of getting a Beer Diploma tonight. The thought of downing 3 liters of beer, no matter how much time I have, is NOT appealing to me right now at all. We are going to have approximately 4.5 hours to complete the beer diploma. That's almost a liter an hour. I know for a fact that my body cannot process alcohol that fast. And there is NO WAY I am going into Thursday with a hangover. I have too much to do. So we'll see. I may actually leave Germany without my beer diploma.

The Evil Robot Gives Me a Lecture

Had a really hard time falling asleep last night and woke up this morning feeling like I was going to throw up. So that was cool. And it took me a while before I felt better (until almost 1) at which point I ended up having lunch with L squared (Lori and Laurie). By that time it was close to 2 and I still hadn't done anything, so I went to Brechtbau and spent 3 hours in the language library listening to the recordings of my lectures again for my oral exam tomorrow. I still have 3 more hours of lecture to hear/take notes on, so I'll have to do that tomorrow morning before the exam.

The language lab, where I was listening to these recordings, was an interesting experience. You are sitting in a little cubicle that is way smaller than what a normal study cubicle ought to be, at least for someone with arms as long as mine. The cassette machine (yes, CASSETTES. blast from the past) is embedded in the desk itself and was very retro, nice and brown with large black buttons and a little logo up in the corner that proudly said "Made in West Germany." Yikes. These things ARE old. The cassette player heated up quite a bit as I listened to the tapes, with the strange result that the tape playback slowed down. A lot. It slowed down so much that eventually I was listening to the lecture at probably half the speed it should have been playing, resulting in the prof's voice sounding not only like it was at the bottom of a very deep well but also as if the professor had transformed into some sort of evil futuristic robot. Good times.

Of course, while listening to these tapes my head was practically on the desk because I am still so doggone tired. For me, trying to function on less than 8 hours of sleep is like trying to drive on the freeway with the emergency brake on. It just doesn't work. After 3 hours of listening to Tron lecture on the origins of Greek tragedy, my brain was threatening mutiny. Take off the headphones, or I'll give you an aneurysm.

Now it's 7pm, I'm still pretty tired (although feeling a bit more chipper) and I have a 12-page paper, currently in the form of a blank Microsoft Word document, staring me down. Plus I need to review for my history final tomorrow. Sigh. There just doesn't seem to be enough time. I may very likely end up writing this paper in the airport in Copenhagen. Honestly, what else am I going to do for 7 hours?

Here goes. Let's see how far I get.

How It Happened

Well, I'm sure everyone is all flabbergasted as to why I'm changing my flight to get 4 extra days at home. It's very simple:

1. It wasn't expensive to change it
2. It's stupid for me to sit around here for almost a week after finals and everything are done when my family only gets like 14 days with me before I head down to Arizona for the year.

So we decided to change it. And now I'm moving out on Friday afternoon, heading to Frankfurt, and flying out earlier than God wakes up on Saturday morning. Here's the plan:

Today: Write a 12 page paper and study for 2 tests.
Wed: Turn in 12 page paper and take 2 tests. Get Beer Diploma in Reutlingen.
Thurs: Frantically pack, clean room, ship stuff home.
Fri: Class in morning, move out in afternoon, train to Frankfurt, chill out in Frankfurt all night
Sat: Leave Frankfurt International, 8:10am
9:30am: Arrive Copenhagen, Denmark.
9:30am-3:00pm: Be airport hobo in Copenhagen, Denmark for over 7 hours.
3:50pm: Depart Copenhagen for Seattle
4:50pm: Arrive Seattle

Gee, aren't I lucky? My flight across the Atlantic only takes 1 hour! Aaaaahh if ONLY....

Wooooo!

I'm going home on Saturday!!

ohmanohmanohmanohman

Due to a sudden stroke of spontaneity, it is possible that I will be changing my flight and coming home to the States THIS SATURDAY instead of next week. Needless to say, I'm pretty much wetting my pants with excitement here. Just gotta find out if it's possible to change the hotel and get everything done.

Have you ever stood at the end of a bridge with a torch in your hand and wondered to yourself,

Is this worth it?

Geschafft!

Final's over. I survived. And now the rest of the day is dedicated to relaxation.

Here Goes . . .

Well, tomorrow is the first and biggest final. From 8am to noon I will be writing away. I spent nearly the entire day studying for it after class, from about 10:30 almost straight through to 6pm, with a break only for lunch. Oddly enough, I felt good. After what the prof has said about the test ("It's 'doable' and we shouldn't be worried"), I feel okay about it. I think I'm about as ready as I'm going to be. However, I am getting some butterflies in my stomach about it. But all I can really do is just relax, write, and see what happens.

My studying has been slow and thorough. I am currently taking a bit of a break to watch a movie, but after that I will do a bit more short review and then head to bed around 10pm or so. I'm just hoping that the band I hear warming up out in the courtyard won't be playing all night long - I need a good night's rest tonight more than any other night. I have a sinking feeling, though, that with it being a Friday night whatever party they're going to be playing for will be going into the wee hours of the morning.... :-(

Honestly, did it HAVE to be THIS Friday night?

Under the Gun

Well, I have t-minus 48 hours until my first final. How prepared am I? Barely. In fact, not really at all. So why am I not pulling my hair out? No idea. Will spend some time on it today and tomorrow.

My paper, which I had originally hoped to finish by...yesterday...will have to be written this weekend after my final. Maybe I'll pound it out on Sunday. Then Monday/Tuesday are going to be spend preparing/reviewing for my last two finals on Wednesday....and then...I'm DONE! After that it's just getting my stuff all shut off, like bank acct, etc. It's all happening so fast!

It's Hot

Went for a run today around 11. It was unsually warm, but I figured that it was just because I'm used to running in the evening hours. As I kept going, though, it got hotter and hotter. Soon I had to start running/walking because I just couldn't keep going.

Got back to the dorm, turned on the TV while I cooled down and gulped water. The news soon explained everything.

"Record highs are striking cities all over the Republic. Temperatures are expected to break all previous historical records, reaching as high as 37 degrees (95 deg F). Government officials and aid workers are urging citizens to refrain from smoking in or near forests or fields, as the wildfire danger today is extremely high."

"BAAAABBIIIES!!"

So Michael sent me this video and I think it's hilarious. I haven't laughed this hard a commercial for a looooooooong time.



Song of the day: "She Drives Me Crazy" - Fine Young Cannibals

Get It Together!

So I got an email tonight from the honors college asking me to confirm that I am indeed graduating this spring, and also asking me to make sure to turn in my thesis prospectus by mid-September if I am graduating this year.

Good Lord. I'm about to graduate.

Problem is, I'm not really sure when I am graduating, much less if it's going to be this spring. I have no idea what I want to do my thesis on either. Gaaaaaaahhh gotta get it together!

Great lyrics of the day from Stacie Orrico:

There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high
To satisfy me
Cause the more that I
am trippin' out thinking there must be
More to life
Well there's life
But I'm sure
There's gotta me more

Great song. So simple yet so true.

It's Summer - So Why Do I Have To Study?

Man, I love summer mornings. I love the fact that the sun is up at 5am and when you get up it's totally light outside. It puts you in such a great mood. The best thing is when you can sleep as long as you want on a summer morning, which I have taken the liberty of doing for the past few days. I got up today at 9:30 though, even though I could have slept a little more. There's work to do.

Yesterday gets a B+ on the productivity grading scale. I got up, showered, then went down into town and started reading my history stuff. Fur lunch, I went to the cafeteria and had the munchies for something I couldn't describe. I was pretty hungry, but I didn't want anything heavy, and in Germany it can be difficult to find food that's not "heavy." But then, there it was: the salad bar. I'm not a huge salad fan, but turns out the cafeteria has a rockin' salad bar. Not just lettuce and stuff, they've got noodle salads and eggs and all this other stuff that I don't even know the name of, but it tastes awesome. So for lunch I had a hit-the-spot-and-get-extra-points-because-it's-wonderfully-healthy-for-you salad.

After reading in the park for a while, I moved to the Clubhaus and had a coffee, and kept reading. Then I went to the library to get a book I'd needed for my research, after which I stayed in the library and finished reading the one book for history.

Took the bus back up to WHO, stopped by the store for some groceries, and then I made some PBJ sandwhiches. I am addicted to those things lately. I think I'm regressing to elementary school. Anyway after eating 4 of those with the intention of fueling myself up for a run, all the blood of course rushed to my stomach and I had the worst light-headed thing going on, so I laid down and took a power nap. The run was awesome. It was one of those runs that feels so good at the end that when you stop you think, "man, I should just do that AGAIN right now."

Hung around in the room for a bit, took a shower, and by that time it was 10:30, so it was too late to try to start studying again. Bed came at 12. Now, 9.5 hours later, here I am.

Today: more studying, followed by Chinese at 1pm, followed by more studying, then Bible study at 8pm. Here goes.

Sights and Sounds of Tübingen

Found this video on YouTube. I didn't make it, but it's great cause it lets you see a lot of Tübingen in a way that my pics and videos haven't so far. Enjoy!

Doing My Duty

There have, for quite some time now, been two bottles of fine Paulaner Hefeweizen sitting on my shelf of the refrigerator in the kitchen.

I was irritated at first, because that's my half of the shelf and space is precious, but I let it slide because I figured they'd be gone within a couple days. It's been a good 2-3 weeks now and they haven't moved. About a week ago I began to play with the idea of going with the "finders, keepers" motto and just grabbing 'em.

Today I pulled one out to check the expiration date. The "best before" date on the bottle was July 1st, just over two weeks ago. At that point I'd had it. I can stand people taking up my shelf for a few days. I can stand people leaving stuff in the refrigerator until it grows legs and develops a minimally-functioning brain. But I will not stand idly by and watch German beer to go waste. That's where I draw the line. It's an atrocity, a crime against humanity, and I will not have it on my shelf. Naturally there was just one thing to do. And I would rise to the call of duty.

Man, this is a good Hefeweizen.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or even a completely different life. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll actually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Things Have Changed...

Tonight while avoiding working on my paper, I turned on the TV and spent about 30 minutes watching some made-for-TV movie about a family moving into this huge house somewhere in a really pretty town in Bayern. I was watching and watching and not really thinking much of it and then it struck me that I was just chilling out, just watching, didn't have to think, didn't have to concentrate. I understood everything natively.

This is something that has only happened since coming to Germany. When I used to listen/watch the German news back in the States, I wouldn't understand every word and I really had to concentrate to stay with them. Now, 11 months later, I find that I can switch on the radio or the TV and it's so effortless And I found myself thinking, "geez, when did THAT happen?"

That, my friends, is a pretty cool feelilng. I don't know how it happened, because it's not like I've had any special training or a lot of intense German classes, but I guess it's just been a side benefit that has grown out of living here for a year. Just goes to show that immersion really IS the best way to learn a language. You don't even notice you're learning, but somehow your brain is absorbing new words. In fact I've even found myself using words I've never actually LEARNED before - I can infer complex words on my own, the same way that I can in English. Pretty sweet. I guess this year really has improved my German, even though it doesn't seem like it most of the time.

Old German

In beginning my research for my term paper, I came across a book of Woodrow Wilson's speeches and statements in the year 1918. It was published in Germany in 1918 translated into German on one side and the original English on the other. I absolutely love the old German text...I wish they still wrote and printed this way. It's just beautiful, and it's such a rich part of Germany's history, or at least I feel that it is. In any case, it's totally unique to German civilization and I wish they had not done away with it.

I should point out that the book was published in Germany before the end of the war. At the time of printing, the peace talks were about to begin. I was reading through one of Wilson's speeches, namely his speech before Congress in December of 1917. In this particular address, Wilson addresses the reasons for a declaration of war against the German Empire. One particular paragraph caught my attention: "The people of Germany are being told by the men whom they now permit to deceive them and to act as their masters that they are fighting for the very life and existence of their Empire, a war of desperate self-defense against deliberate aggression. Nothing could be more grossly or wantonly false . . ."

That paragraph, I noticed, was not translated into German on the opposite page - it was left out entirely.

Creeeeeeeeeeeepy foreshadowing.

Jon Stewart on CNN

Hil. lar. i. ous.

"The File Is $#%@ Gone!"

I have watched this at least 20 times in the past couple of weeks and I laugh my head off every time. I like the part where he just starts sobbing. **For clarification: No, I am definitely NOT having any problems with my mac. It is working splendidly. That's part of the reason this little parody is so hilarious.**

When Bored, Rearrange!

Well, it's been an okay Friday. Class was good, our prof told us what the form of the final exam will be (he was actually EXTREMELY specific about the contents of the test, which is SHOCKING for a German prof). He summed it up with the statement that we can't really study for it; it just covers everything we've done this year and that makes me feel better. This being my hardest (and at 4 hours, my longest) test, it's good on the stress level to put it in perspective like that.

This afternoon I also had to stand in line at the post office (twice) for what felt like an eternity in the sweltering heat and humidity. We need another storm, and we need it soon. I wanted to send some docs to the DAAD and I needed one of those bigger-sized mailing envelopes. Well, they don't seel those singly at the post office, so I had to buy an entire 10-pack. So annoying. It was 1,50 € but still. C'mon people.

In a fit of boredom this afternoon while studying, I decided to move my desk so that I could open my other window fully. Whenever I'm bored or can't concentrate, I almost always either start cleaning or rearranging my room. Consequently, my room is usually close to spotless (on a good day) and the layout changes constantly.

While discussing cell phones with my mom this afternoon on the phone, the idea popped up (not my suggestion) that I might be getting a RAZR as my new cell phone when I get back to the States. That would definitely be some major sock rockage. We'll see though. I'm not really picky - anything is better than those 1.5-inch thick monstrousities they gave us with the family plan.

Come and Eat Breakfast

While searching for a passage to go over at Bible study this week (it was my week to lead), I ran across John 21. If you have never read this section of John (somehow I don't think I ever had paid much attention to it) you should.

Jesus has recently been resurrected and appeared to both Mary Magdalene and the disciples, including the famous dinner we're all familiar with when Jesus showed the disciples his crucifixion wounds. Now, in this chapter, Jesus reappears again, and the disciples are out fishing in the Sea of Tiberias not far from the shore.

Of course the disciples are astounded to see him again. Peter is in fact so excited that he jumps out of the boat and starts swimming toward shore. Jesus instructs the disciples, who have had no luck fishing that day, to cast their nets yet again; the net comes up filled to the brim with fish.

What struck me was what Jesus said to them when they reached shore:

"Come and eat breakfast."

This is only the 2nd time the disciples have seen Jesus since his death. More importantly, we know that Peter and Jesus still have not had a chance to discuss the fact that only days before, Peter had denied him three times. If I were Peter, and I knew that I had denied the Son of God, I would be pretty nervous about meeting him again and having the chance to actually talk one-on-one with him. But Jesus' first words to Peter are not "Peter, I'm really angry with you, you let me down." There is no smugness, there's no "I told you you'd do it." There's no mention of it whatsoever.

Jesus just says, "Come and eat breakfast."

You think about that.

All Is Well

Okay everybody, I'm not panicking anymore...I realized this morning I can just mail the stupid form into them, so everything should be okay.

Anyway back to homework. Don't expect to see/hear much of me this weekend, I am dedicating it to working on my paper/tests.

***edit***

It's now 5pm and I'm in the library. Finished reading the assignments for my essay and am now hammering out my one-page blurb as fast as I can. Feeling better, definitely. Just gotta make lots and lots of headway on the paper this weekend as well as get assignments for next week finished so that I can use the entire week to study for my tests.

It's also hitting me just how quickly I'm going to be out of here. I have one full school-week left, and then it's crunch time for finals. Right after that, it's homeward bound. Scary. I am finally beginning to understand what Addy meant when she said she was nervous about going home, because I'm starting to feel that way myself. Although a large part of me is anxious to get back to the States, I'm growing increasingly anxious about the departure. It's so FINAL. Just like, wham! That's it. Year's over.

How Convenient!

The student services building will be closed, starting July 15th, all the way through July 31st. This is important because

1) I need to exmatriculate from the university before I leave
2) As a result of this closure, I would need to exmatriculate in the next 48 hours
3) I cannot exmatriculate in the next 48 hours because I still have books checked out from the library, which I need for my research paper.

So thanks, student services. From all the international students trying to exmatriculate during this time frame (which is all of us), let me just say that we hope you all die a slow, painful death, preferably while waiting in line somewhere like you make us do all day. As we Sun Devils say: Fork You.

Oh and the chip in my student ID card that lets me make copies at the copy machines is broken and they can't fix it even though they sent me all over campus and to hell and back today because no one knows what they're doing here and I get to stay up half the night reading for class tonight and I haven't even started on the stupid paper yet because I'm still trying to catch up and everyone wants a piece of my time and I don't want to study anyway because it's freaking summer in Europe and I think I'm going to have an aneurysm if I can't get something substantial done this weekend.

I Love This Woman

What better way to start the day than watching Ann Coulter rip Laura Schwartz and the rest of the Democrats to shreds? My favorite part is where Ann demands Laura name the "human shields" that Republicans use to make their political points and Laura just stares blankly.

Sigh....

So I awake this morning to find the power is out. Great.

Here Goes Nothing

Well, Italy is Weltmeister. Dangit. At least the Italians didn't keep WHO up all night; in fact it was very quiet here in the Studentendorf, quieter than normal, which sort of surprises me.

Honestly, I am not looking forward to this week. At all. I have less than 2 weeks to get my paper finished and study for my first final. Then of course there's continued packing and shipping to be done. On top of that I am in a really, really sour mood for some reason. I hate being in a bad mood.

Is it over yet? I just want to get out of here.

Wieder daheim

So, back in Tübingen after a brief but well-worth-it last visit to Neustadt. On Friday night we celebrated Matze's 21st b-day until 5am, which, come to think of it, is the first time I have ever actually partied all night long. Anyway on Saturday yours truly was of course hungover as a towel on a towel rack, and so Matze and I went on a little bike tour around Neustadt to visit relatives and friends and say hello/goodbye. Let me tell you, that was hands-down the most gorgeous bike ride I've ever been on. If you're looking for beautiful north German countryside, Neustadt is the place to be.

After a productive 6.5-hour journey back down on the train, I am now back in my room. Plan for the rest of the night is to get a pizza from Joker, maybe watch a movie, and - if I get bit by the productivity bug again - do some homework. Definitely need to get a handle on the thesis for my history paper at least.

I will not be watching the WM finale tonight for two reasons:
1. Almir still has my TV
2. As I said before, I'm not enthuiastic about either team winning.

Although I must say, after watching those pussyfooting Italians play and fake injury after injury, I am secretly and quitely rooting for France in some corner of my mind. Italy in my opinion does not deserve to win, and though I never thought I'd say this, go France!

Northward

I am heading up to Hannover for the weekend to visit Matze and his family one last time, as well as celebrate his birthday. I will be back Sunday night around 5, although I will by no means be watching the WM Finale, as it is totally Wurst to me who wins - frankly, I don't want EITHER team to win.

I splurged on the train ticket this time to save myself some sanity with train changes; I'm taking the ICE bullet train all the way up. 6 hours each way for distraction-free chipping away at homework. Can we say "catch-up?"

A Storm, A Party, And a Taxi Driver

The afternoon started off with my referat, which went really well. Once I started talking the nervousness disappeared and I gave my speech in typical, casual American form. After I was finished, the professor looked at me and said, "Well, it seems you really gained a huge interest in your theme!" So it was a good way to end the school week.

After spending a couple hours hanging out reading on the Neckar wall, Almir and I headed back up to WHO and I tried to decide whether I would go to a friend's birthday party. I ended up deciding to go despite the powerful storm that was quickly rolling in. I showered, got dressed, and headed for the bus stop. The moment I stepped on the bus the prematurely blackened skies opened up and dumped their rain on the valley. The lightning was nonstop - no pause in between flashes of light and thunderclaps. It was right over our heads. One lightning bolt hit an antenna on the top of one of the dorms, sending sparks flying into the air.

I pulled out my iPod and turned on U2's Electrical Storm - the perfect soundtrack to a bus ride through a chaotic storm. By the time the bus reached my stop, the raindrops were the size of golfballs and coming down in bucketfulls. I was dripping wet, my shirt sticking to my chest, when I finally reached the party. Luckily half the people at the party had decided to go out and dance in the rain for fun, so I wasn't the odd one out.

About two hours, two beers, a cigarette, and some good conversation later, I decided to head out - who knows when the last bus would go, right? Upon arriving at the bus stop, I was dismayed to see that the last bus had already left. This left with me two options: 1) Walk home in the rain all the way to WHO, which would take over an hour, or 2) Call a taxi and spend 13 euros unnecssarily.

I chose option 1. I took off my sandals and started off barefoot down the street, deliberately walking through the large puddles of warm rainwater. A few blocks later I realized I had no idea where I was and that I should turn around, go back to the bus stop, and just call a taxi. Which is what I did.

The taxi arrived, I got in, and told him where I needed to go. The first few minutes of the drive were silent, mostly because they always are with a new taxi driver as you both size each other up, and partly because I was hanging on for dear life as the driver sped through residential streets at speeds that I'm sure bordered on 60 miles per hour. Finally the driver broke the silence.

Driver: Well, it had to rain sooner or later.
Me: Yup. At least this will cool things down a bit. It's been so freaking hot.
Driver: Yeah. You wouldn't believe it, in Arabia it's 100 degrees in the shade.
Me: Oh, I believe it. I'm an American, I go to Arizona State University. In Phoenix in the summer, we push 115 all the time.
Driver: You're an American?!?
Me: Yeah.
Driver: Where did you learn to speak German?
Me: In school. I've been doing it for 9 years.
Driver: 9 years?!? Where did you learn Swabian?
Me: I've been here since August...
Driver: Wow. So what grades did you get in German class?
Me: Ummmmmm.... 1's?
Driver: Awesome. So, in America, is it like on TV with all the beautiful women? All the cars, and the Baywatch girls?
Me: Umm...sure. Yeah, that's exactly what it's like.
Driver: THE GIRLS REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT?!
Me: Yeah, they look exactly like that.
Driver: So, are they "easier" than German girls?
(Awkward moment of silence wherein I consider my two options: 1) telling him the truth, 'I wouldn't know, I'm a virgin.' OR 2) following Guy Code and giving him the answer he wants to hear.)
Me: Ummmmmmmmmm........easier?
Driver: That's it. I'm going to America on vacation! Where should I go for the girls?
Me:.................California?
Driver: CALIFORNIA!
Me: Yeah....umm...turn in here, yeah, there's the street.
Driver: Cool. Okay, that makes 12,70 €.
Me: Here's 13. Keep the change.

And that's the story of the storm, the party, and the taxi driver.

Gut Gemacht, Deutschland

Es ist vorbei.

Wir sind trotzdem stolz auf dich, Deutschland!

Summer Insects

I keep my window open all the time, day and night, because otherwise it gets too hot in this little room. However, every night, as soon as the sun sets, I have to close the blinds. I also can't turn on my desk light because it's bright and right next to the window and attracts huge moths in from outside - without fail.

I am constantly finding small, 100-legged insects of various kinds on the walls in the room.

Yesterday a daddylongleg somehow showed up in my shower.

There are spiders of enourmous size lurking in the basement where the washing machine is.

There are craneflies. Everywhere.

And just now, when I went to go make coffee, I found an earwig in the coffee machine. How it got into the tube that shows you where the water level is at is beyond me.

Germany seems to have an outrageously large insect population, because this is getting ridiculous.

Bleeeeeeeeh

That's the sound I'm making right now. Rowing today was not the best - instead of getting to row in a single, I ended up in a double, which was okay but nowhere near as cool. And for some reason rowing really took it out of me. It's 8:30pm and I'm absolutely exhausted. Lucky me that I still have my presentation to work on.

My room is not helping my mood. It looks like a bomb went off in here, and I'm nowhere near joking. There are empty orange juice and milk packages (yes, in Germany, they come in packages, not bottles) everywhere, a few beer bottles, the bed isn't made, my desk is buried under a mixture of papers, books, and dirty dishes.

I have absolutely ZERO motivation to work on my presentation all the sudden. Maybe I'll just read my sources and leave the notetaking for tomorrow. GAH procrastination strikes again!

Thank God for coffee, that's all I can say. I bet when God created coffee plants he was like, "Man, they are going to be SO glad I made these." Yessir....thank God for coffee, U2's "Electrical Storm", and a golden dusk evening. Maybe I'll go for a walk tonight.

Whistle While You Work

Work on the presentation for Wednesday continues at a modest but acceptable pace. I don't feel stressed about it either, which is always a good thing. Low-key is the key. In fact I'm feeling so confident in the work that I've accomplished on it so far that I am going to go to rowing class today instead of skipping like I was considering - but only because I'm hoping that they'll let me row in a single again and experience that sweet ecstacy. I hate team boats.

If things go as planned, the presentation will be done tonight and tomorrow I'll only have to worry about printing out overheads and writing up my little 3-page blurb for class on Wednesday. Then work on the big term paper starts, which I am hoping to finish by next weekend if I can get it together. With 29 days left in Germany, finals are bearing down upon us like a fat kid on a birthday cake. This semester, rather than freaking out and pulling out my hair, I simply choose to close my eyes and hope that it's over quickly. I can almost smell the freedom.

I am harboring doubts as to whether I should or should not drive down to Arizona this year. The more I think about it, the EASY thing to do would be to start shipping all my stuff to my grandparents' house instead of mine, and then just fly down to AZ. That would be much cheaper, I believe, since gas alone for the AZ trip would likely be in the neighborhood of $200, which is more than a plane ticket would even cost. Problem is, flying is not nearly as much fun as a road trip, and then there's the problem of the TV, which I am not wild about shipping (again), and the sheer amount of crap I have. The question is whether I have the sanity to be in a car alone with nothing but music for 3 days, and whether this road trip I've dreamed of doing for 4 years is really worth the extra few hundred bucks it would probably cost.

One thing I do know for certain: I am sick and tired of shipping my belongings back and forth between Phoenix and Seattle every 9 months.

Alright, I Give Up!

Presenting the new (and much, much less complicated) blog.

Blog Redesign

So, Blogger is being a little weird and therefore making it difficult for me to get this blog's measurements right. It looks fine for me in my browser (Safari), but if those of you using Internet Explorer or Firefox could tell me whether anything looks funny for you (space between the header and posting area, header size, etc), that would be great.

Did You Know...

that we Pacific Northwesterners have our own dialect?

This Is What the Military Calls "Friendly Fire"

Someone is suing Michael Moore. Here we have (yet more) documented proof (and from CNN to boot!) that Michael Moore twists the facts.

I don't know what I am enjoying about this more - the fact that someone is suing his oversized backside, or the fact that CNN is reporting on it.

I Love Procrastination

9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

9 lasts.
-last place you were: the kitchen
-last cigarette: hmmmm....February?
-last beverage: orange juice..yum.
-last kiss: REAL kiss? junior year of high school. yeah.
-last movie seen: I'm in the middle of Garden State and hating it.
-last person talked to on the phone: Lori
-last cd played: The Shins
-last bubble bath: pre-puberty.
-last time you cried?: Saturday. and no, i won't tell you why.

8 have you evers.
-have you ever dated someone twice: considering i've only dated ONCE....
-have you ever been cheated on: see above
-have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: nope
-have you ever fallen in love: not exactly
-have you ever made out in the woods: nope
-have you ever been depressed: mildly, yes.
-have you ever been drunk and threw up? i'm TRYING to forget about that.
-have you ever gone to the bathroom with the door open: nope. i'm way too shy for that.

7 states you've been to:
Washington
California
Utah
Arizona
Oregon
Idaho
Maryland

6 things you've done today.
-got out of bed
-ate a breakfast of bread, salami, cheese, and orange juice
-watched a bunch of Scrubs episodes
-watched a few more Scrubs episodes
-took a shower
-watched some more Scrubs episodes while thinking, "i really should get started on my presentation."

5 favorite things.
-sleeping
-reading a really great book that you can't put down
-the beach
-coffee
-that feeling of finishing a huge project

4 people you miss
bleh, don't wanna think about that

3 favorite colors.
-green
-blue
-teal

2 things you want to do before you die.
-learn a 3rd language
-have a job that makes me fly between Europe and the States

1 thing you regret.
-not taking that internship with T-Mobile even though it could have screwed me over with ASU.