Not For The Weak of Stomach

Having just arrived home from Phoenix tonight, we're tired, my mom and sisters and I. At 10:30 we are all so exhausted, in fact, that we decide to call it a day and head to bed. As is customary, my sisters took Bailey (our Bichon-Maltese) to bed with them, and I took my little buddy Wesley (our Westhighland Terrier) to bed with me. Girls in one room, boys in the other.

I am having trouble getting comfortable enough to sleep, but I notice right away that something isn't right with Wesley. He's not falling asleep like he usually does. Normally, within 10 minutes of lying down under the covers at the foot of the bed he's out like a light and sleeps like a rock. Not tonight. Tonight Wesley is fidgety, as if he too is having trouble getting comfortable.

Eventually Wesley does something strange. He moves out from under the covers and sits on top of them -- which isn't unsual; at some point in the night he always does this -- but the thing that catches my attention is that after changing location he doesn't lay down again. He just sits there and stares into the dark. I figure he's probably just not tired yet and roll over, trying to get comfortable and fighting the nagging sense that insomnia and I are going to have one of our rare evenings together tonight.

Suddenly Wesley leaps off the bed onto the floor, whimpers, and I hear a gurgling sound. My heart drops into my stomach as I realize what's coming. There are three parts to my realization: (1) He's sick, (2) something is going to come out of either the front or the back end of this dog, and (3) it's not going to be pretty. I'm already up and moving for the light switch. Please God, please, let it be the front end.

It's the back end.

There are some things in life that are beyond description. They are either so wonderful or so terrible that words to convey them simply cannot be found. The stench issuing forth with increasing intensity from Wesley's little midnight mistake is one of those things.

I take him downstairs (his ears are drooped and he's got this horribly guilty look on his face as if he wants to apologize) and confine him to the garage despite the chill. Then I head off in search of the Resolve, some paper towels, and some hot water.

I find all three and head back upstairs just in time to hear one of my sisters whisper "SICK!" and shut the door to their room, which is next door. I realize that the smell of this doggie-doo has actually woken them from sleep (in an adjacent room!!!!) and driven them into the hall to find out what's the matter. Wesley has been sick before and has had some stinkers in his many years, but never before has he reached such heights. This is what separates the men from the boys, the professionals from the amateurs. Tonight Wesley has taken his rightful place on the throne as king and the Circle of Life is finally complete.

I will spare you all the details of my attempts to clean this stuff up. Needless to say, Resolve and hot water was insufficient - this is a job for our rug shampooer, but that will have to wait till tomorrow morning. So now here I sit, 12:45 am, Wesley has been moved to the much warmer laundry room for the night, I've washed my hands no less than 4 times, and I'm wondering if I can stand to return to my bedroom for the night or if the couch is going to be a better idea.

Given the fact that it's looking like insomnia and I are going to get to know each other much better tonight, it probably doesn't matter.

My Location Revealed!

Told ya I went south!
So I've been itching to post about this for a good 3 weeks now and finally I get to. It was my mom's idea to fly me home for 3 weeks instead of them coming to visit me in Germany since it would cost way less and since it afforded the wonderful opportunity to go down to ASU and surprise all my friends.

And let me tell you, it was worth it. The sheer shock on everyone's faces upon seeing me has been PRICELESS and it was totally worth the Delta Airlines Flight From Hell that brought me across the Atlantic on February 16th. To describe the flight, let me just say that it involved a plane not meant for international journeys, two chick flicks, and worse, broken headphones. Oh, that and a pit stop in Maine to refuel our miniscule little aircraft. I arrived in Seattle sleep-deprived and groggy. My mom, my sisters, and my stepdad greeted me at the arrival area, and my mother predictably burst into tears the moment she saw me.

48 hours later we jumped in the car and headed for Arizona. Yes, we drove all the way to Arizona. Again. I am reminded of how much I love road trips and also of why my mother, my sisters and I have not taken such a road trip in so long. Course, there were some funny moments, such as the time when mom had to pee really bad as we were crossing the border into California and there wasn't a rest stop for miles.

Mom: Drive faster, son, I really have to go!
Me: I'm already doing 85!
Mom: Wait! Wait! There's a sign up there! Is that a rest stop?? What does it say??
Me: "Northern California Reservoir, 5 miles."
Mom: AAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHH!!!

Stepping onto ASU's campus again for the first time in over 9 months was a weird feeling. I feel like I don't really belong there anymore, or at least like I'm a foreigner of sorts. But it was so refreshing to see it again and see all my friends and enjoy the Arizona sunshine (it's pushing 80 degrees F here). I have the best friends in the world and they have been awesome these past 5 days. It's good to know that they haven't forgotten about me and do actually miss me when I'm gone.

It's been bittersweet though. Seeing all this reminds me of just what I'm missing out on while I'm in Germany, even though I've known from the start that that was the trade off. I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing -- living abroad for a year has caused me to really grow up -- but I think that what's really sad about it is the realization that when I get back to ASU I have only one year left with all my awesome friends. I wish I could just stay there forever, that we could just freeze time and never graduate and just have this carefree college life with each other forever. But time goes on and life marches on with or without us, and I guess it's just part of growing up.

Man, it sucks though.

We leave Arizona on Monday and fly (not drive, thank God) back to Seattle. I fly back to Germany on March 9th to start my term paper and enjoy the remaining 5 months of my stay. Being back home has really made me excited to get back to Germany and make the most of the time I have left as well as get me pumped about getting home again at the end of the year and starting my senior year at ASU.

For now, I've got one more day with my friends and then it's family time for the weekend. This will be spent planning my grandparents' visit to Germany, laying by the pool in the warm sun, and reading. Aaaah the good life.

Oh and another announcement that I've been dying to post about: I finally took the plunge and got an Apple iBook. Let me say that I am euphoric to be free of the prison we all know as Windows and that I will never go back. This thing rocks my socks off.

And that's it!

P.S. No one gets 10 cool points because none of you guessed correctly (many of you didn't even guess at all). Sad.

Tomorrow:

Matt's location revealed!

Just So You All Stop Freaking Out...

Yes, I have enabled comment moderation. Yes, this applies to EVERYONE, not just you. Yes, I will review your comments and then allow them to be published. Yes, I have had crazy idiots leaving comments on the site and that's why I'm doing this.

No, I'm not turning it off.

Oh and Margaret, I don't know what comment that you're talking about...I never saw one that I didn't publish!

Now They Want HINTS!

Unbelievable. They're called GUESSES for a reason, people!

Okay, you get ONE clue:

I went south.

Doin' A Bit O' Traveling

We're going to play a game. It's called Guess Matt's Location. Ten cool points to whoever can guess the country and city that I am currently in. The answer will come later this week.

Note: those who know my location are DISQUALIFIED from competition.

Go!

Aaahhh....Relaxation

I love the simplicity of doing nothing.

IT'S OVER!!!!

Well, The Finals From The Fiery Pit Of Hell are officially over. Today I took my oral exam in medieval German (which was mediocre, I got a 3, which is somewhere between a B and a C), and yesterday I took my EU Policy final test. I'm done! Except now I get to start work on my Hausarbeit for EU Policy, which kinda blows...It's only 6 pages though so it shouldn't be THAT bad...

In other news: I cannot BELIEVE some Americans are actually this stupid. I watch this video and all I can do is hang my head in shame. Please, rest of the world, don't apply these people to your conception of Americans -- we're not all this ignorant!

Wait for Me

Since I am still single, Valentine's Day is always a day for me to think about the promise I've made to my future wife and to God -- a promise that I will wait patiently until He brings her into my life. It's a day to reaffirm the vital importance of saving myself for her and her alone. And finally, it's a day to thank God for His own wonderful promise.

Happy Valentine's Day, darling. Wherever you are.


Rebecca St. James - Wait for Me

It's Over

The medieval German test is over, and I'm glad to report that it was definitely not as bad as it could have been. There were a few things I didn't know and a lot of things I was unsure about, but at this point I'm just glad to have it behind me, no matter what the grade comes out to be. Thank you to all of you who were praying for me!

Tonight: half relaxtion/recouperation, half cramming for the EU final tomrorow afternoon. Then after that it's more cramming for my medieval German oral test, which is on Wednesday afternoon. After that it's packing -- I'm going to be traveling for a few weeks!

Even though I'm only 1/3 of the way done, it feels SO much better to have that medieval written test behind me...

Test Day

Today is the medieval German final. I just woke up. My pulse is racing, my head is light, I can't control my breathing, and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

This is not a good start to the day.

Reagan Rocked

So I was just randomly surfing the net here and came across some stuff about Reagan's speech at Brandenburg Gate in 1987. What an awesome speech.

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

The Heat Is On

We are t-minus 45 hours away from the beginning of the Medieval German final exam. Today I went to a review session hosted by our class tutor and looked like an idiot in front of the entire class when I couldn't translate a few lines of text we were working with. The worst part was that the tutor just sat there and didn't make any effort to give me a hint -- there was only the crushing silence in the room as I tried to decipher the text and felt my face grow hot.

"I have no idea what that word is," I sheepishly admit.
"It's 'sparrow.' It's a type of bird," the tutor says.
"Oh. I didn't know that word."
"Well, this isn't biology class," the tutor smirks.

I am continually amazed that people expect me to be to able to translate a medieval German text with PERFECT precision when I don't even have the German vocabulary to recognize some of the words. I can't translate a word from medieval German unless I know the corresponding MODERN German word. I'm not stupid! Is it my fault that English is my mother language and not German??

I hate this class. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Final for EU Policy is also on the horizon and I'm even less prepared for it. Oddly enough I am somewhat at peace about both of the tests and my oral test, despite the fact that I have a strong chance of failing horribly. This must be the calm before the storm. Either that or I've come to terms with my fate.

I hope I pass.

Cultural Differences and Conflicts Pertaining to Race

One of the most surreal things about living here in Germany is the fact that the civil rights movement never took place here.

Here in Germany, it's still perfectly acceptable (and commonplace) to refer to black people as "negroes" and "coloreds." I almost choked on a beer I was drinking when a person my age asked me if I had any "colored" friends back home. On the news, you'll see newsanchors reporting without hesitation about the "negro" that won such and such an award. It's incredible. This was, as you can imagine, a HUGE shock for us Americans, because these are words that are almost as offensive as the n-word. I've had to explain to several Germans that they can't use those words around us Americans because they are far too charged and considered very derogatory. I've also warned them that if they are planning on ever visiting the States, they CANNOT use those words unless they want trouble.

Germany is, in comparison with the States, a very mono-racial (is that even a word?) society. You don't see a lot of minorities or different ethnicities the way you do in the States. Here, the largest minority of the population is Turkish, which you probably see most often and which is a charged political issue here among some Germans, who feel that there is an "invasion of foreigners" going on. Looking around as a foreigner and seeing only what look like Germans to me, it's hard for me to see that. Moreover, coming from a country that is often referred to as the "salad bowl" or the "melting pot" of cultures and races, people tell me that there's a "foreign invasion" going on and I just shrug and go, "What's your point?"

However, Germany absorbs more refugees and foreigners than any other country in the EU, so it's easy to see why some people feel this way. But as far as race goes, this is probably the closest Germany comes to anything similar to what we went through in the States. The right-wing radical parties (which only receive small percentages of the vote and are dubbed Neo-Nazis by the vast majority of the population) have political platforms that call for "foreigners out!" and "making Germany German again." I've seen an advertisement (they're not televised, you have to watch them online) for the Republican Party (right-wing radicals) that, honest to God, looks like a modern-day Nazi propoganda film. It's freaky. These parties receive their strongest support, according to many Germans, out "in the little villages" where the people are "uneducated." This stereotype doesn't match up with my experiences in Neustadt, but in any case, I believe in the last election the right-radical NPD received less than 9% of the vote if I'm not mistaken.

I suppose that all this stems from the simple fact that there is such a thing as the German "race," whereas in the States we don't seem to have any real racial definition for what it means to be an American. I'm an American because I was born there and my family has been there for 3 generations, but my friends from Mexico who have immigrated to Arizona and become citizens are also Americans. So we're left without a concrete, easily definable prototype of what an "American" actually is. I mean, I've thought of it this way: if I were to marry a German girl and we had kids, what would we say the kids are? They're half German, half American? Or would we say, "Kids, you're half German, one-fourth Swedish, a touch of American Indian, a dash of Welsh, and a sprinkle of Irish?" I mean I honestly, like most Americans, can't even say what most of my ancestral makeup is. I know I'm near half Swedish (3/8), but that's about where my knowledge ends. I envy the Europeans in that they can easily say "I'm French," or "I'm German," or "I'm Portugese" and it's simple.

Maybe it's that exact ignorance (that's not the right word, I can't remember the word I need here) of our ancestral heritage is what one day might lead us to making "American" more of an ancestry instead of a citizenship label the way it sort of is right now. In any case, the United States of America and the Americans are without a doubt unique in that regard.

Anyway that wandered from one topic to another but I think it's time to wrap it up.

Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one,
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
In your majesty ride forth victoriously.

Psalm 45:3-4

As part of Christ's army, you march in the ranks of gallant spirits. Every one of your fellow soldiers is the child of a King. Some, like you, are in the midst of battle, besieged on every side by affliction and temptation. Others, after many assaults, repulses, and rallyings of their faith, are already standing upon the wall of heaven as conquerors. From there they look down and urge you, their comrades on earth, to march up the hill after them. This is their cry: "Fight to the death and the City is your own, as it is now ours!"

William Gurnall

Your sons will take the place of your fathers;
you will make them princes throughout the land.

Psalm 45:16

One Down, Four to Go

Final exam in German Autobiographies after 1945 was this morning, and it went swimmingly. Tonight there's the final in my grammar course, and once that's done the easy part's over. This weekend: studying and Fasching parade in Tübingen on Sunday. StudIt is meeting in front of Sparkasse at Lustnauer Tor at 13:00, be there and we'll go auf die Hexenjagd!

Monday: Mediävistik final
Tuesday: EU Policy final
Wednesday: Mediävistik final (oral)
Wednesday night: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!

A Retraction and A Thought

So now that I've received death threats and a horse's head under my sheets for my comments on the outcome of the SuperBowl the other day, I feel a retraction is in order. Let it be known that at the time the post in question was made, I had merely glanced at the score on ESPN.com and not bothered to read the little article going with it (does anyone EVER read the articles?). Naturally, had I read said article I would have known that the SuperBowl was so obviously rigged and was informed of this fact after posting -- I was, however, too lazy to actually re-post on the whole thing.

So. Retraction.

Reprint:

Hawks: you rock. Way to hang in there and we'll get the bastards next time. You done me proud.
Refs: you're bastards.
Steelers: you're fatheads.

Now The Thought:

I think that at the end of this year (being August 2006ish) I will probably stop blogging regularly, if not completely. I'll revamp this site and rename it something more appropriate since I won't be in Europe anymore, but I think that after a month or two of re-adjusting to the States and letting you all know how that's going, I will bring the regular blogging thing to a close. At that point, the whole "Year in Germany" journey will have run its full course, and since the whole reason I started blogging was to document that journey from start to finish, I see little reason to continue it about the mundane details of my daily life. Let's face it, none if you care what I ate for breakfast or what article piqued my interest today. Additionaly, it sucks up time that I could be using for much more important and constructive things and has no real reward. So after about late August you can all expect to see fewer updates from me, if not zero.

That is all.

MUAHAHAHAHA

Productive class and study day. I am feeling better about my tests. It's all about gettin' pumped up, kids. Confidence, confidence. Full steam ahead and don't worry about the what-ifs.

Medieval German shall cower in fear before me.

As shall EU policy.

Only in America

Some idiot has filed a lawsuit against Apple because he claims that the iPod causes hearing loss.

See, most of us learned this when we were about four. If you turn the music up too loud, you will go deaf. That simple.

But of course it's Apple's fault for making a device that can play music that loud. How DARE they! It's definitely NOT an issue of personal responsibility here, right?

Oh and a question for the Seattle Seahawks.....

DO YOU GUYS HAVE SOMETHING WRITTEN IN YOUR PLAYBOOK THAT JUST SAYS "CHOKE?????????????" WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

It's 12:45am...

...and thanks to Niko's being on top of things, I am now watching the Seahawks battle the Steelers....

...in German.

This is so freaking cool.

SuperBowl Sunday

Go Seahawks!!

I'll be spending the day studying, since the game doesn't start till midnight for us here in Germany. At that point it's basically just espn.com for me since I highly doubt it will be televised.

Huh Boy

I studied from 10am to 3pm today and couldn't take it anymore. I am unable to absorb any more medieval German or EU policy today. I am really getting scared about these tests. I don't feel prepared at all, and at the rate I'm going, I don't know if I'm going to be able to learn it all in time. If I fail one of these tests, I lose my scholarship as well as violate my study abroad program contract. So, predictably, I am walking around strung about as tight as I could be and tenser than I've ever been in my life. I feel as if I'm living out my last 9 days alive. I'm dead serious. We have 9 days and counting until the first final, and I'm just hoping that in that time I don't develop an ulcer or something.

In other news, the IAEA has voted to refer Iran to the U.N. Security Council. Iran has threatened that, if that should happen, it will cease "voluntary cooperation" with the U.N. Which means this could get ugly. Course, if it's left up to the U.N. to enforce its policies on Iran we definitely don't have to worry about a war. I just hope Bush doesn't march in there too.

Course, there's also our ally, Israel, to think about. We can't allow a country that's called for Israel to be "wiped off the map" to possess nuclear warheads. And frankly, while I am totally in support of nuclear technology for energy purposes and would have no problem with Iran using it for that, I am very, very, very doubtful that Iran plans on using it JUST for energy. That's just my take, so take it for what it's worth, which is a grain of salt. Above all I just hope it doesn't come to war.

Why this whole developing story interests me so much is beyond me, but I've been keeping up with it for a good 4 or 5 days now, and you all know that if something holds my interest for that long, it's a big deal.

Nukes

Things with Iran are getting hotter. Now that a consensus is being formed to refer the country to the security council for its nuclear program, the Iranians are pissed.

I quote:

"Iran remained defiant and its chief delegate threatened to suspend all voluntary cooperation with the IAEA if his country is referred to the Security Council."

and

"Iran, which claims its program is peaceful and aimed only at generating electricity, has warned that referral would provoke it into doing exactly what the world wants it to renounce starting full-scale uranium enrichment, a possible step to developing nuclear weapons."

Reader survey: What do you think about the situation with Iran? Should they be referred to the U.N. Security Council? Does Iran have a right to possess nuclear technology for electrical and/or defense purposes? What should the U.S. response be if Iran does withdraw its voluntary cooperation?

Robin Williams For President!

Okay, so I got this in a forwarded email and I thought that, through the sarcasm, Robin's got some DANG good points here.

The Plan!

You gotta love Robin Williams......
Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin
Williams to come up with the perfect
plan. What we need now is for our
UN Ambassador to stand up and
repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to
argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace
but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past &present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available
to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while .

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need
it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it..or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "

I Would Be Able to Get SO Much Studying Done...

...if it wasn't for classes, food, and human interaction.

Although I spent a good two hours in the library today reading for EU Policy, which was nice. Annoying though, because even when I'm studying I feel like I'm just not studying "fast" enough.

Unfortunately a 3-hour chunk of the most productive part of the evening has to be sacrificed to my night class. I swear, whoever said that education gets in the way of education knew EXACTLY what they were talking about.