Semester ticket you bought months ago that lets you go to Reutlingen: 35 euro.
Average skijacket price in Reutlingen: 189 euro.
Finally finding a jacket in Tübingen: 50 euro
Doing all this while snow falls over the whole city: priceless.
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Tübingen.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I'm Off!
to Hannover! Tomorrow I will be pretty busy getting packed and making sure I've got everything taken care of before I leave. Then on Friday it's off to Hannover to spend Christmas with Matze and his family in Neustadt. I am really excited to get back up to good ol' northern, rural Germany. I love it up there. It's so different from the south. It just feels more distinctly "German" for some reason.I'm rambling now. Anyway after that it's off to the Czech Republic for 6 days to go skiing with Matze and a bunch of people from Neustadt. Here's hoping I don't break a leg! And I mean that in all seriousness -- I could seriously break something. Those mountains are big and I've never skiied before. There will be lots of pictures, unless I break both of my hands, in which case you guys are all S.O.L.This will be the first time I've left Germany since arriving here 4 months ago. I think it's safe to say I'm just about the only one of my friends here who HASN'T left Germany since arriving. That's pretty pathetic. But I'm saving all my big trips for the semesterferien! Over and out.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The First Shock In Years
We got our first practice essay back in class today (this is the preparation class for the Goethe Institut's "Little German Diploma"). I got a 3, which was "borderline" as the professor announced to the class when he handed it to me (he's in the habit of announcing how we did and making comments on our stuff when he hands it back to us). What I turned in would not have passed the Goethe Institut test.
I felt my face grow hot as I leafed through the paper. 16 mistakes. 16 very, very big mistakes. "Befriedigend. Du hättest das noch etwas differenzierter beantworten koennen."
What just happened?
I felt my face grow hot as I leafed through the paper. 16 mistakes. 16 very, very big mistakes. "Befriedigend. Du hättest das noch etwas differenzierter beantworten koennen."
What just happened?
Song
So today I had my iTunes on shuffle mode (which, thanks to Lori, I have been trying out lately). I'm liking the randomness of not knowing what's coming next and not having to mess with it. And this entry has a point, I swear.
So auf alle Fälle I'm listening to my music and suddenly this song comes on, "Photograph" by Nickelback. It's been on the radio a lot here in Europe and I'm sure it's all over the airwaves in the States, but man....great song. I love songs like that because they are such a paradox. They put you in a great mood and yet there is a sort of sadness behind the whole thing. The song's cheerful but also caged and not really free. It's depressing and happy at the same time, and for some reason I love songs like that, probably because life is like that, you know? It's great and it sucks at the same time.
But anyway it made me think of ASU for some reason and that made me sad. But it made me happy at the same time because it makes me think of the future and the future is exciting. I have this really dumb daydream that I wade in when I've got nothing to do in class: It's August 2006, I'm back from an absolutely amazing year in Europe and all the memories and experiences that go with that. I'm driving the used VW I just bought a week ago after coming back from Europe. The sunroof is open, the windows are down, and I've got this CD in the stereo, turned up. It's a warm, sunny day and I'm on I-10 heading east, L.A. is behind me. Nothing but gorgeous, open desert on both sides of the road and Phoenix 400 miles ahead of me. My final year at ASU awaits, as do a new job, an apartment, my major coursework, and my thesis. But for now, it's just me, my car, and my extensive CD lineup for this road trip.
That's what that song makes me think of. Quick reader survey: what's the "song of the moment" for you right now and where does it take you?
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Mini-Challenge
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in a your Xanga along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.
My result:
"The treaty redefined or extended Community competence in a number of areas, notably education, training, cohesion, research and deveopment, environment, infrastructure, industry, health, culture, consumer protection, and development cooperation, although with only a limited extension of qualified majority voting."
Hooray for European Union studies!
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in a your Xanga along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.
My result:
"The treaty redefined or extended Community competence in a number of areas, notably education, training, cohesion, research and deveopment, environment, infrastructure, industry, health, culture, consumer protection, and development cooperation, although with only a limited extension of qualified majority voting."
Hooray for European Union studies!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Dear Residents of Fichtenweg 21,
As someone who also owns speakers with a mini-subwoofer, I can understand your excitement. I really can.
However, I would be much obliged if you would refrain from playing your music at this particular volume at 1:45am. I know it may seem difficult to believe, but there are some of us that actually prefer to sleep when it's dark outside. As I'm sure you're all aware, our rooms are fairly soundproof. The fact that my windows are shut, you all reside in the building next door, and I can hear the music emanating from your 1st floor kitchen as clearly as if it was in the room next to me is disturbing -- not only because of the distance separating us, but more so because I can't imagine what the volume must sound like for those of you situated directly next to the speakers. However, I suppose you all must have been recently informed of the advances science has made in the area of cochlear implants and thus are not worried about any damage.
I would also like to respectfully request -- if you're going to insist on keeping half the student village up at this hour of the night -- that you do it with something tasteful. Your current selection of Prince does not fall into this particular category. I believe I speak for most of the student population of the surrounding buildings when I say that we have no intention to give Mr. Prince the "extra time" and "kisses" he is repeatedly requesting from us.
While I've got you here, I would also greatly appreciate it if you would please share with the rest of the students here what your secret is. Most of us, after a day of classes and productivity, cannot even fathom the idea of music playing that loud at 1:45am. You obviously have discovered some secret source of nocturnal energy which could be of great benefit to the rest of the population here in Waldhäuser-Ost, especially considering finals will be upon us in just under 2 months. Please do enlighten us.
Sincerely,Matthew, the American Living In Fichtenweg 19 With Infinitely Better Taste In Music And Whose Parents Actually Taught Him The Meaning Of The Word "Consideration."
However, I would be much obliged if you would refrain from playing your music at this particular volume at 1:45am. I know it may seem difficult to believe, but there are some of us that actually prefer to sleep when it's dark outside. As I'm sure you're all aware, our rooms are fairly soundproof. The fact that my windows are shut, you all reside in the building next door, and I can hear the music emanating from your 1st floor kitchen as clearly as if it was in the room next to me is disturbing -- not only because of the distance separating us, but more so because I can't imagine what the volume must sound like for those of you situated directly next to the speakers. However, I suppose you all must have been recently informed of the advances science has made in the area of cochlear implants and thus are not worried about any damage.
I would also like to respectfully request -- if you're going to insist on keeping half the student village up at this hour of the night -- that you do it with something tasteful. Your current selection of Prince does not fall into this particular category. I believe I speak for most of the student population of the surrounding buildings when I say that we have no intention to give Mr. Prince the "extra time" and "kisses" he is repeatedly requesting from us.
While I've got you here, I would also greatly appreciate it if you would please share with the rest of the students here what your secret is. Most of us, after a day of classes and productivity, cannot even fathom the idea of music playing that loud at 1:45am. You obviously have discovered some secret source of nocturnal energy which could be of great benefit to the rest of the population here in Waldhäuser-Ost, especially considering finals will be upon us in just under 2 months. Please do enlighten us.
Sincerely,Matthew, the American Living In Fichtenweg 19 With Infinitely Better Taste In Music And Whose Parents Actually Taught Him The Meaning Of The Word "Consideration."
Perhaps This Just Isn't My Forte
Recently my mom sent me a frantic email informing me that she'd gotten in touch with a high-up at a major multinational firm (referred to here as Firm X) and had a contact for me to get in touch with to set up an internship for this year in Germany. Of course I excitedly got to work on translating my resume and a cover letter into German to send to this contact. Last night I finally got all the editing done with the help of some of the Germans in my dorm, who corrected my grammar and wording. With a flourish of a click, I sent off the email and its attached documents, eager to be rid of them and to have it done. They were on their way to a VP of Firm X. I'll repeat that. He's a Vice-President.
Later, while looking over the freshly-sent documents for the 1,000th time, I realized I'd forgotten to put an umlaut over the u in "Grüssen," the closing salutation of the German cover letter. This is especially ironic considering that in the previous paragraph I had named my "excellent German langugage ability" as one of my skills. As embarassing as that was, I didn't lose any sleep over it.
However, when the alarm went off this morning in the dark pre-dawn hours of the day, I slapped it off, and, realizing my grevious error only now, sat straight up in bed and gasped in horror.
The subject line.
I had forgotten to type something in the subject line. I had sent it blank.
Somewhere in an inbox doubtlessly filled with hundreds of other important emails (many far more important than mine) is an email from little old me, a college student begging for scraps of someone's time, with nothing to set it apart other than my name.
Microsoft Outlook be damned for not including a failsafe that prompts you when you try to send a blank-subject-line message, like in Thunderbird. This, Mr. Gates, is just one of many reasons why I hate your software.
Perhaps this just isn't my forte. Perhaps business just isn't for me. I sure seem to be awfully clumsy at it. However, I'm laid-back enough and have life in enough perspective to laugh about this. After all, it's just an email, he's just a man, and it's just a company. It's nothing in the big scheme of things. But at the moment there's a dark sense of my idiocy that is hanging in the back of my mind and the constant wondering whether that email is going to get read or not and, if so, whether it will bring anything about.
Later, while looking over the freshly-sent documents for the 1,000th time, I realized I'd forgotten to put an umlaut over the u in "Grüssen," the closing salutation of the German cover letter. This is especially ironic considering that in the previous paragraph I had named my "excellent German langugage ability" as one of my skills. As embarassing as that was, I didn't lose any sleep over it.
However, when the alarm went off this morning in the dark pre-dawn hours of the day, I slapped it off, and, realizing my grevious error only now, sat straight up in bed and gasped in horror.
The subject line.
I had forgotten to type something in the subject line. I had sent it blank.
Somewhere in an inbox doubtlessly filled with hundreds of other important emails (many far more important than mine) is an email from little old me, a college student begging for scraps of someone's time, with nothing to set it apart other than my name.
Microsoft Outlook be damned for not including a failsafe that prompts you when you try to send a blank-subject-line message, like in Thunderbird. This, Mr. Gates, is just one of many reasons why I hate your software.
Perhaps this just isn't my forte. Perhaps business just isn't for me. I sure seem to be awfully clumsy at it. However, I'm laid-back enough and have life in enough perspective to laugh about this. After all, it's just an email, he's just a man, and it's just a company. It's nothing in the big scheme of things. But at the moment there's a dark sense of my idiocy that is hanging in the back of my mind and the constant wondering whether that email is going to get read or not and, if so, whether it will bring anything about.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Ramblings
Got our first test back today in Medieval German. I got a 3, which is equivalent to a C in the American system. Surprisingly, I achieved that with no more than 2 hours of hitting the books right before that class period when I should have put in at least 3 times that amount of studying. I'm not really happy with the result, but at the same time I'm not upset because I know that I just have to put a little more time into studying. Plus I did better than some of the native-speaking Germans in the class. So meh. Class itself was okay. I've discovered the secret to not falling asleep is a shot of caffeine both before class and during the break so that I don't get the caffeine crash until after class is over. What would I do without coffee?
Went to Saturn after class and bought some CD-Rs so I can copy my 5 gigabytes of photos onto CDs and free up some space on my hard drive. I never thought I'd fill 40 gigabytes of space. Also need to copy my photos to my iPod for a second backup.
Walking through the Altstadt tonight on the way to Saturn was fun. Half-timbered houses drooping and lots of small alleyways to explore. I love how Tuebingen's Altstadt is constantly offering unexplored alleyways, passages, and little Gässles that I've never been down. I try to take a new route every time.I have a lot of studying and catching up to do in both Medieval German and my Political System of the EU classes, so tomorrow's afternoon hours will be dedicated mostly to that. I need to find a good cafe that I can start using for studying regularly. Somewhere quiet but not too quiet, with ample working space, cheap coffee, and good atmosphere. And a nice view would be a plus too. I know this place exists but I haven't found it yet.
I keep having dreams that I finally get the iBook and then I wake up and realize it was a dream and go "DANG IT!" More disturbing to me than the fact that they're just dreams is the fact that I am having these dreams RECURRINGLY. That's just plain sick. I mean come on. Give a brother a break here. All I'm asking is 9 more months. Just 9 more months and then you can emerge from the back burner, Mr. iBook! Just CHILL back there!I am in desperate need of an organizer to maintain my sanity.
Went to Saturn after class and bought some CD-Rs so I can copy my 5 gigabytes of photos onto CDs and free up some space on my hard drive. I never thought I'd fill 40 gigabytes of space. Also need to copy my photos to my iPod for a second backup.
Walking through the Altstadt tonight on the way to Saturn was fun. Half-timbered houses drooping and lots of small alleyways to explore. I love how Tuebingen's Altstadt is constantly offering unexplored alleyways, passages, and little Gässles that I've never been down. I try to take a new route every time.I have a lot of studying and catching up to do in both Medieval German and my Political System of the EU classes, so tomorrow's afternoon hours will be dedicated mostly to that. I need to find a good cafe that I can start using for studying regularly. Somewhere quiet but not too quiet, with ample working space, cheap coffee, and good atmosphere. And a nice view would be a plus too. I know this place exists but I haven't found it yet.
I keep having dreams that I finally get the iBook and then I wake up and realize it was a dream and go "DANG IT!" More disturbing to me than the fact that they're just dreams is the fact that I am having these dreams RECURRINGLY. That's just plain sick. I mean come on. Give a brother a break here. All I'm asking is 9 more months. Just 9 more months and then you can emerge from the back burner, Mr. iBook! Just CHILL back there!I am in desperate need of an organizer to maintain my sanity.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Die Feuerzangenbowle
Tonight the Weihnachtsmarkt started up in Tübingen. Addy, Almir and I headed down around 6 and started off near Nonnenhaus with a waffle hot off the griddle with powdered sugar sprinkled on it. So good, and so worth the 50 cents it cost. Incredibly cheap. I’ll be eating lots more of those!
After the lighting an old film called Die Feuerzangenbowle was shown in the Platz and everyone stayed to watch it. It’s sort of the German equivalent to It’s a Wonderful Life. Old black-and-white movie that was made before WWI. I really liked it, but the others wanted to leave before it was over so we didn’t stay and watch the whole thing.
After that we wandered into the Altstadt to find a bar to have a drink in, wound up running into a ton of other people we knew. All the bars we popped into were full so we decided to head over to Niko’s WG and just hang out there for a bit. Now I’m here and getting ready to go to bed. I need to be up early tomorrow.
Watching that movie tonight was the weirdest feeling. Just being here in the Christmas market itself was a weird feeling. I’ve realized that there is a certain amount of temporary citizenship contained in experiencing the holidays and change of the seasons that I’ve had here. I’ve watched summer fade into fall and fall begin to give way to winter. I’ve witnessed the Tag der deutschen Einheit (day of German unity), done Thanksiving, Nikolaustag, and now I’m doing Christmas. What I mean is that there is nothing that makes you feel more at home in a place than to go through all the seasons and celebrate holidays as if they are the same ones you’ve celebrated all your life.
Pics:
Here's the Feuerzangenbowle, getting ready to be lit on fire! See the stack of sugar that looks like a cone?
The screen
Addy and I
This picture frightens me. I swear we don't do that on purpose.
The movie!
The section of the market near the Stiftskirche was still up....
We ran into Annette at the market too! Her hat rocks my socks off.
Thursday, December 8, 2005
A Round of Applause
....because today is the 8th, which means I've made it another 4 straight days without updating. I think I'm beating this addiction, folks. The patch is helping. Just remember when you're ready to stop blogging: You can do it. Xangarette can help.
In other news, Christmas is almost upon us. Things on the list this weekend: our Tübingen Christmas market and some Christmas shopping for presents. Other than that, catching up on homework and cleaning up my room. It's finally sinking in that I am actually not going home for Christmas this year. I was listening to Christmas music the other day and Bing Crosby was crooning "I'll be home for Christmas" and I just thought, "Well woo-hoo for you, ya lucky bastard. Now shut up and sing White Christmas."
I shouldn't complain though, because I chose to stay here and I am excited to go up north and stay with Matze's family. Although I am still nervous about skiing in January in the Czech Republic. I can't ski, so I'm sure that myself and the others who can't ski on the trip will be providing the entertainment for those that can.
It's also finally sinking in that life at ASU is going to be much, much different when I go back. I think the best years of college just might be over, and for that matter, college ITSELF is almost over. What the heck is up with that? I'm not ready to graduate! What happened? Where did the time go? At this rate, I'll wake up tomorrow and be married with children and a mortgage.
Okay, on that thought, I think I need a drink.
In other news, Christmas is almost upon us. Things on the list this weekend: our Tübingen Christmas market and some Christmas shopping for presents. Other than that, catching up on homework and cleaning up my room. It's finally sinking in that I am actually not going home for Christmas this year. I was listening to Christmas music the other day and Bing Crosby was crooning "I'll be home for Christmas" and I just thought, "Well woo-hoo for you, ya lucky bastard. Now shut up and sing White Christmas."
I shouldn't complain though, because I chose to stay here and I am excited to go up north and stay with Matze's family. Although I am still nervous about skiing in January in the Czech Republic. I can't ski, so I'm sure that myself and the others who can't ski on the trip will be providing the entertainment for those that can.
It's also finally sinking in that life at ASU is going to be much, much different when I go back. I think the best years of college just might be over, and for that matter, college ITSELF is almost over. What the heck is up with that? I'm not ready to graduate! What happened? Where did the time go? At this rate, I'll wake up tomorrow and be married with children and a mortgage.
Okay, on that thought, I think I need a drink.
Sunday, December 4, 2005
The Christmas Season Begins
Tübingen is beginning to transform into a holiday paradise the further into December that we get. Recently Almir and I went on a spaziergang around the city to see how it was shaping up. Our Weihnachtsmarkt (Christmas Market) is just around the corner next weekend, but the whole city is already decked out. All we're missing is snow.
The Neckargasse, with the Stiftskirche at the top....this street leads into our Altstadt.
The Stiftskirche in all its Gothic glory, with the market Christmas tree aglow.
This is the Hozlmarkt, which is at the foot of the Stiftskirche. It's a mini-marketplace. The picture didn't come out too well but you get the idea of just how beautiful it is.
One of Tübingen's many narrow medieval streets, alight with bright bulbs and wreaths. This is my favorite street in the whole city.
Funny story behind these two shots. This is our Hauptmarkt, the main marketplace, and when Almir and I got here he asked if we could get into the Rathaus (city hall) that stands over the market. That gave me an idea -- let's get in there and see if we can get a view over the market! So, with Almir protesting the entire time ("Matt, we shouldn't be in here, we're gonna get caught!.............Where are you going??? You can't go up there! Get back here!") we snuck in, up the stairs, and found a small darkened conference room that overlooked the market. The result were these cool (but blurry) photos. Just imagine what this will look like when our Weihnachtsmarkt is up and running next weekend!
That's not the only thing that's happened recently. Yesterday we all took the train to Nürnberg to visit their famous Weihnachtsmarkt! It's the most famous one in Germany and it's gorgeous! I was really excited to get to visit Nürnberg again (I even got to meet up with my host family from 3 years ago and had coffee with them), and it was even cooler to see the market decked out. The pics:
The fortress of Nürnberg algow as twilight fades to night.
The fortress again.
The Liebfrauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) lit up with lights and Christmas trees and a live orchestra, right on the marketplace.
The whole group (except Addy, she's taking the picture) at the market. From left, Niko, Almir, yours truly, and Peter. We're bundled up against the cold but strangely as the night when on it got warmer and warmer. Weird.
The Schoenen Brünnen (beautiful fountain) on the market. It definitely deserves its name. There is a ring in the gate surrounding it that turns within its setting, and there's a local legend that if you turn the ring and make a wish it will come true. When I was in Nürnberg in 2002 as a high school exchange student I turned it and wished to come back to Nürnberg someday. Looks like it works!
Me enjoying Glühwein and the famous Nürnberg gingerbread (Lebkuchen). I'm just a little excited.
View over the whole market.
Vendors and all their beautiful wares abound...this was one of many, many ornament booths. The handcraftsmanship is amazing (and expensive).
Addy at one of the ornament booths displaying one of her many hats.
Liebfrauenkirche again.
You can eat a variety of things here at the market, including gingerbread, really big hot dogs, Zwa im Weckla (two sausages in a roll, a Nürnberg specialty), Glühwein (hot red wine with orange juice and spices), and WAFFLES!!
Another pic of the Liebfrauenkirche. Pics don't do it justice. It was beautiful!
So that's it for now. I can't wait to go back to Nürnberg. My host family invited me to come and stay with them over a weekend in the spring when the chaos of the Christmas season is over. Maybe I'll make it out there during my semester break. That would be nice, as I'm sure Nürnberg is gorgeous in the spring. It was weird to see it in the bare season of winter when the last time I was there, it was warm, humid summer. But still cool!
Life in Germany is going well. We're less than 20 days away from Christmas break here, and at that point I'll be going up north to Matze's. I'm really excited, but I still need to find presents for them all! Aaahhh!
The Neckargasse, with the Stiftskirche at the top....this street leads into our Altstadt.
The Stiftskirche in all its Gothic glory, with the market Christmas tree aglow.
This is the Hozlmarkt, which is at the foot of the Stiftskirche. It's a mini-marketplace. The picture didn't come out too well but you get the idea of just how beautiful it is.
One of Tübingen's many narrow medieval streets, alight with bright bulbs and wreaths. This is my favorite street in the whole city.
Funny story behind these two shots. This is our Hauptmarkt, the main marketplace, and when Almir and I got here he asked if we could get into the Rathaus (city hall) that stands over the market. That gave me an idea -- let's get in there and see if we can get a view over the market! So, with Almir protesting the entire time ("Matt, we shouldn't be in here, we're gonna get caught!.............Where are you going??? You can't go up there! Get back here!") we snuck in, up the stairs, and found a small darkened conference room that overlooked the market. The result were these cool (but blurry) photos. Just imagine what this will look like when our Weihnachtsmarkt is up and running next weekend!
That's not the only thing that's happened recently. Yesterday we all took the train to Nürnberg to visit their famous Weihnachtsmarkt! It's the most famous one in Germany and it's gorgeous! I was really excited to get to visit Nürnberg again (I even got to meet up with my host family from 3 years ago and had coffee with them), and it was even cooler to see the market decked out. The pics:
The fortress of Nürnberg algow as twilight fades to night.
The fortress again.
The Liebfrauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) lit up with lights and Christmas trees and a live orchestra, right on the marketplace.
The whole group (except Addy, she's taking the picture) at the market. From left, Niko, Almir, yours truly, and Peter. We're bundled up against the cold but strangely as the night when on it got warmer and warmer. Weird.
The Schoenen Brünnen (beautiful fountain) on the market. It definitely deserves its name. There is a ring in the gate surrounding it that turns within its setting, and there's a local legend that if you turn the ring and make a wish it will come true. When I was in Nürnberg in 2002 as a high school exchange student I turned it and wished to come back to Nürnberg someday. Looks like it works!
Me enjoying Glühwein and the famous Nürnberg gingerbread (Lebkuchen). I'm just a little excited.
View over the whole market.
Vendors and all their beautiful wares abound...this was one of many, many ornament booths. The handcraftsmanship is amazing (and expensive).
Addy at one of the ornament booths displaying one of her many hats.
Liebfrauenkirche again.
You can eat a variety of things here at the market, including gingerbread, really big hot dogs, Zwa im Weckla (two sausages in a roll, a Nürnberg specialty), Glühwein (hot red wine with orange juice and spices), and WAFFLES!!
Another pic of the Liebfrauenkirche. Pics don't do it justice. It was beautiful!
So that's it for now. I can't wait to go back to Nürnberg. My host family invited me to come and stay with them over a weekend in the spring when the chaos of the Christmas season is over. Maybe I'll make it out there during my semester break. That would be nice, as I'm sure Nürnberg is gorgeous in the spring. It was weird to see it in the bare season of winter when the last time I was there, it was warm, humid summer. But still cool!
Life in Germany is going well. We're less than 20 days away from Christmas break here, and at that point I'll be going up north to Matze's. I'm really excited, but I still need to find presents for them all! Aaahhh!
Monday, November 28, 2005
I Really Should Be In Bed, But Whatever...
And I really shouldn't be doing any more of these ridiculous 3am posts, but I sat down to write in my journal tonight and this is what came out:
Tonight I have been thinking a lot about what it’s going to be like to leave this place at the end of the year. Maybe it’s the mournful soundtrack to Jenseits der Stille that I’m listening to or maybe it’s something else. All I know is that right now I can’t shake the thought of how hard I think it’s going to be to board the train that will take me away from this place.
Imagine that. I’ll be standing there on the platform with all my luggage, watching the train pull up and knowing that once I get on that train the beginning of the end will start. I’ll get on, the train will pull out of the station, with me strained against the window trying to catch every last glimpse of Tübingen possible…and then suddenly I’ll see nothing but countryside. The train will chug along…and reach Stuttgart. I’ll then take the S-bahn to the airport, board my flight, and sit there…
Looking out the window at the tarmac, I’ll think about everything I’ve done this year. I’ll think about all the people I’ve met and now have to leave behind – again. The plane will lift off, and my heart will sink as it becomes airborne…up, up, up…higher….and gleichzeitig I'll be going lower, lower, lower…
Germany will fade below me. It’s over. When I touch down in Seattle, Germany will once again assume that sort of hazy existence that it always has in the States – as if it’s just sort of “stopped” and is on hold while I’m gone, as if it doesn’t really exist and never really did. It was all just a dream, Matthew. You were never there.
Right now the United States is on hold. It’s this far-off place that has no relation to me at all and holds no bearing on my life at this moment. It does not matter. In 9 months Germany will become the same.
I don’t know if I can handle that.
For the past few months I’ve been hoping that this year will go by quickly so that I can get back to my life at home. But lately what I’ve been noticing is that I don’t really feel that way anymore. This is home now. It really is. I left what used to be home behind, and I’ve traded one life for another, even though I haven’t become what I could call a “temporary European.” I’ve switched continents. My life has shifted to the point that I cannot imagine not living here. I feel like I’ve lived here all my life, as stupid and weird as that sounds. How can I leave this place? This is home. Home. "Home is where they understand you."
What really scares me is that I feel this way barely 3.5 monts into my stay. I didn't expect this so soon. If this feeling of dread is this bad now, what's it going to be like in 9 months?
I recently had a dream. In the dream, I secretly flew back to ASU with the intention of showing up on campus and surprising all my friends. After many hours of travel, I finally stood on Apache Boulevard, near the parking lot, looking across the street at the BHC campus. I thought, "Okay Matt....all you have to do is walk in there and surprise everyone. That's it. Just walk in." But I couldn't bring myself to move. And then I realized something. I realized that the moment I walked in there I would run into someone I knew. I would run into all my good friends, all my memories, and Germany would evaporate. Gone, just like that.
And so I turned and walked away. I left. I walked away from the BHC campus, away from ASU, and I didn't go back. Then I woke up. I laid there in bed staring out the window at the first groggy hints of dawn struggling to break through the early morning darkness and fought the rising nausea that was twisting my stomach into a tight knot.
I just can’t imagine having to pack up and leave here, even though I know that that day is SO far in the future and I really should be enjoying the present. And I am. I really am loving it here. But I feel like I’m going to stay here forever. Is this part of what God is trying to show me this year? Is He trying to prepare my heart for an eventual permanent transatlantic emigration? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Going back to the States is going to be bittersweet. I know that I’m going to be so glad to see my family and my friends and have my “real life” back. But at the same time I know that I’m going to be incredibly homesick for Germany. I know that I’m going to want to come back here. I can feel it already in the form of this sort of panic that creeps into my thoughts every time I think about going back to the U.S. "Leave? No! I can't leave! I can't! I know you all miss me -- but how can you ask me to give this up?? This is my life!"
What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that? What do you do when you feel like home is split not only between two U.S. states, but between two entire continents? They can’t be reconcilable. You can’t be in two places at once.
I keep saying stuff like this over and over and I'm sure it's getting annoying and starting to sound like some sort of melodramatic emo rant, but this online journal is meant to serve as a time capsule of sorts as well as a public record, and this is how I feel right now at this moment in time. If it's any consolation to you readers out there, I promise I will never start weeping because life is "so moving."
Like I said, there will be plenty of time for me to sort this all out in about 9 months. But for some reason I felt it needed to be addressed at least partially tonight. I'll cross this bridge when I come to it, but right now I just want to pull out the binoculars and look at it.
And with that planted firmly on paper (screen) I am going to bed to let my subconscious mull it over.
Tonight I have been thinking a lot about what it’s going to be like to leave this place at the end of the year. Maybe it’s the mournful soundtrack to Jenseits der Stille that I’m listening to or maybe it’s something else. All I know is that right now I can’t shake the thought of how hard I think it’s going to be to board the train that will take me away from this place.
Imagine that. I’ll be standing there on the platform with all my luggage, watching the train pull up and knowing that once I get on that train the beginning of the end will start. I’ll get on, the train will pull out of the station, with me strained against the window trying to catch every last glimpse of Tübingen possible…and then suddenly I’ll see nothing but countryside. The train will chug along…and reach Stuttgart. I’ll then take the S-bahn to the airport, board my flight, and sit there…
Looking out the window at the tarmac, I’ll think about everything I’ve done this year. I’ll think about all the people I’ve met and now have to leave behind – again. The plane will lift off, and my heart will sink as it becomes airborne…up, up, up…higher….and gleichzeitig I'll be going lower, lower, lower…
Germany will fade below me. It’s over. When I touch down in Seattle, Germany will once again assume that sort of hazy existence that it always has in the States – as if it’s just sort of “stopped” and is on hold while I’m gone, as if it doesn’t really exist and never really did. It was all just a dream, Matthew. You were never there.
Right now the United States is on hold. It’s this far-off place that has no relation to me at all and holds no bearing on my life at this moment. It does not matter. In 9 months Germany will become the same.
I don’t know if I can handle that.
For the past few months I’ve been hoping that this year will go by quickly so that I can get back to my life at home. But lately what I’ve been noticing is that I don’t really feel that way anymore. This is home now. It really is. I left what used to be home behind, and I’ve traded one life for another, even though I haven’t become what I could call a “temporary European.” I’ve switched continents. My life has shifted to the point that I cannot imagine not living here. I feel like I’ve lived here all my life, as stupid and weird as that sounds. How can I leave this place? This is home. Home. "Home is where they understand you."
What really scares me is that I feel this way barely 3.5 monts into my stay. I didn't expect this so soon. If this feeling of dread is this bad now, what's it going to be like in 9 months?
I recently had a dream. In the dream, I secretly flew back to ASU with the intention of showing up on campus and surprising all my friends. After many hours of travel, I finally stood on Apache Boulevard, near the parking lot, looking across the street at the BHC campus. I thought, "Okay Matt....all you have to do is walk in there and surprise everyone. That's it. Just walk in." But I couldn't bring myself to move. And then I realized something. I realized that the moment I walked in there I would run into someone I knew. I would run into all my good friends, all my memories, and Germany would evaporate. Gone, just like that.
And so I turned and walked away. I left. I walked away from the BHC campus, away from ASU, and I didn't go back. Then I woke up. I laid there in bed staring out the window at the first groggy hints of dawn struggling to break through the early morning darkness and fought the rising nausea that was twisting my stomach into a tight knot.
I just can’t imagine having to pack up and leave here, even though I know that that day is SO far in the future and I really should be enjoying the present. And I am. I really am loving it here. But I feel like I’m going to stay here forever. Is this part of what God is trying to show me this year? Is He trying to prepare my heart for an eventual permanent transatlantic emigration? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Going back to the States is going to be bittersweet. I know that I’m going to be so glad to see my family and my friends and have my “real life” back. But at the same time I know that I’m going to be incredibly homesick for Germany. I know that I’m going to want to come back here. I can feel it already in the form of this sort of panic that creeps into my thoughts every time I think about going back to the U.S. "Leave? No! I can't leave! I can't! I know you all miss me -- but how can you ask me to give this up?? This is my life!"
What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that? What do you do when you feel like home is split not only between two U.S. states, but between two entire continents? They can’t be reconcilable. You can’t be in two places at once.
I keep saying stuff like this over and over and I'm sure it's getting annoying and starting to sound like some sort of melodramatic emo rant, but this online journal is meant to serve as a time capsule of sorts as well as a public record, and this is how I feel right now at this moment in time. If it's any consolation to you readers out there, I promise I will never start weeping because life is "so moving."
Like I said, there will be plenty of time for me to sort this all out in about 9 months. But for some reason I felt it needed to be addressed at least partially tonight. I'll cross this bridge when I come to it, but right now I just want to pull out the binoculars and look at it.
And with that planted firmly on paper (screen) I am going to bed to let my subconscious mull it over.
New Camera
Oddly enough, I now have the camera I started out with this summer but took back because I was afraid I would break it. I never liked my A520's bulkiness, so now that it's kaputtness has offered me the oh-so-convenient opportunity, I've gone compact again. I think I'm going to like this better. Here in Europe it's sold under a different name, which I find sort of weird...I see no reason why they can't call it the SD300 or the Ixus 40 the world over. Personally I like its name in Europe better. "Ixus 40" just looks cooler. Doesn't it cost Canon millions to maintain this dual-name thing? Seems stupid to me, but maybe that's just the business major in me talking.
Spent a couple hours studying at Brechtbau with Almir today. It was a good sense of accomplishment to get an assignment done a full 2 days before it's due. Now I just need to spend a little time practicing guitar and of course some more reading for my EU lecture class. This week is a fairly easy week as far as academics goes because my Medieval German lecture and seminar were both canceled due to the prof's illness. This is the second time this has happened, and the weird thing is that we knew LAST week already that he was going to be sick -- the sub announced it. I'm wondering if my prof is undergoing some sort of medical treatment? Otherwise how could he know a week in advance that he was going to be sick? Or be sick for 2 weeks straight? It's just weird.
Saturday is Nürnberg, which I am really excited about -- I am going to be meeting up with my former host family at the market. We decided to make it a day trip to save money and complication, and it promises to be a really good day. I've wanted to go back to Nürnberg for so long and it will be awesome to see it again.
With that, I think I'm done.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Holy Cow...That Was So Cool
This morning Addy and I got up early to go down to the Buergeramt and get her residence permit squared away so that she doesn't get deported. We left around 9:30sih and headed down, enjoying the fresh snow that had fallen the night before and covered everything in 2cm of white powder.
Upon finally completing our task, which took less than 10 minutes, we emerged back into Schmiedtorstraße..........and the snow was falling again. Huge flakes that were coming down hard. It was beautiful. We decided to walk through the Altstadt and catch the bus at Lustnauer Tor instead of Stadtgraben again. As we walked along those cobbled streets, lined with colorful, snow-covered houses that sagged happily under the weight of many years, we finally emerged unto the Marktplatz.
The morning market was up.
The Rathaus stood watch over a busy marketplace filled with beeswax candles, wreaths, decorations, fresh fruits & vegetables, bread & pastries, and Christmas trees ready to be taken home and decorated. Everywhere sellers haggled with buyers and some buyers, victorious in their bargaining, were now marching home proudly carrying their wreaths, already covered in snowflakes that stuck to their hair, eyelashes, and noses. A vendor selling Glühwein was filling the market with the sweet and sour aroma of hot red wine with cinnamon spices.
The snowflakes clinging to the edge of my scarf were chilling my chin and my coat was quickly changing from brown to white as the flakes piled up, but I didn't care. I just smiled.
I think I am going to like Christmas in Germany.
Upon finally completing our task, which took less than 10 minutes, we emerged back into Schmiedtorstraße..........and the snow was falling again. Huge flakes that were coming down hard. It was beautiful. We decided to walk through the Altstadt and catch the bus at Lustnauer Tor instead of Stadtgraben again. As we walked along those cobbled streets, lined with colorful, snow-covered houses that sagged happily under the weight of many years, we finally emerged unto the Marktplatz.
The morning market was up.
The Rathaus stood watch over a busy marketplace filled with beeswax candles, wreaths, decorations, fresh fruits & vegetables, bread & pastries, and Christmas trees ready to be taken home and decorated. Everywhere sellers haggled with buyers and some buyers, victorious in their bargaining, were now marching home proudly carrying their wreaths, already covered in snowflakes that stuck to their hair, eyelashes, and noses. A vendor selling Glühwein was filling the market with the sweet and sour aroma of hot red wine with cinnamon spices.
The snowflakes clinging to the edge of my scarf were chilling my chin and my coat was quickly changing from brown to white as the flakes piled up, but I didn't care. I just smiled.
I think I am going to like Christmas in Germany.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
SO AWESOME!
Okay, so besides the fact that Thankgiving was AWESOME (we all went over to Katy's WG and had a FANTASTIC dinner composed of every dish you can think of, complete with bottomless bottles of wine), it's been a GREAT day and I have to post.
Alright. So in summer of 2002 when I was in Nuernberg with the AATG I stayed with a host family there, and I've not had contact with them since that time...my emails always bounced back and somehow I had the impression that they weren't really that pleased with me (I don't know why I felt that way, I just did).
So now that I'm back in Germany I decided to write them a letter and try to re-establish contact. I sent the letter yesterday afternoon, and today at 12:30 I got an email from my host mom in Nuernberg, who was so glad to hear from me, updated me on what the family's doing right now, and invited me (and even a couple friends) to stay with them sometime soon before Christmas!
*euphoria*
First off, I take back every complaint I ever had about the Deutsche Post. I am totally willing to pay 55 euro cents for a letter for next-day delivery! Second, I am so happy to be in contact with my host family and to be now in the process of planning to visit them again! Oooooooooh so cool!!!! I can't wait! Man...I have missed them and Nuernberg a lot! I always wished after the exchange that I could go back, partly because I wanted to and partly because I wanted to make sure that things were ok and that they didn't hate me (how ridiculous it was to think that) and I am so glad that I get to go back now!!! So excited!!! Man what an awesome day.
Plan for tomorrow: french toast in the kitchen with the gang for breakfast, then off to Reutlingen/Metzingen to get a peacoat (I desperately need a warm winter coat -- it's FREEZING here, and by "freezing" I mean below 30 degrees), new shoes, which I also need, and a new camera. I am not looking forward to the hit my bank account is about to take but it's going to be fun!!
Alright......
Alright. So in summer of 2002 when I was in Nuernberg with the AATG I stayed with a host family there, and I've not had contact with them since that time...my emails always bounced back and somehow I had the impression that they weren't really that pleased with me (I don't know why I felt that way, I just did).
So now that I'm back in Germany I decided to write them a letter and try to re-establish contact. I sent the letter yesterday afternoon, and today at 12:30 I got an email from my host mom in Nuernberg, who was so glad to hear from me, updated me on what the family's doing right now, and invited me (and even a couple friends) to stay with them sometime soon before Christmas!
*euphoria*
First off, I take back every complaint I ever had about the Deutsche Post. I am totally willing to pay 55 euro cents for a letter for next-day delivery! Second, I am so happy to be in contact with my host family and to be now in the process of planning to visit them again! Oooooooooh so cool!!!! I can't wait! Man...I have missed them and Nuernberg a lot! I always wished after the exchange that I could go back, partly because I wanted to and partly because I wanted to make sure that things were ok and that they didn't hate me (how ridiculous it was to think that) and I am so glad that I get to go back now!!! So excited!!! Man what an awesome day.
Plan for tomorrow: french toast in the kitchen with the gang for breakfast, then off to Reutlingen/Metzingen to get a peacoat (I desperately need a warm winter coat -- it's FREEZING here, and by "freezing" I mean below 30 degrees), new shoes, which I also need, and a new camera. I am not looking forward to the hit my bank account is about to take but it's going to be fun!!
Alright......
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I Love Books
Today after class and after having lunch and signing up for a ski trip in January with Almir and Addy, I went to the bookstore to get some books for my classes that I don't have yet. I wanted to buy some books for my European Union class as well as some helpful tools for my Medieval German seminar. I realized I didn't have the papers for Medieval German and that I should probably read through the book the professor recommended for the EU class to get a a general idea of the topic before I go buying a bunch of others. So I just ended up wandering around the store a little bit looking for some good additions to my ever-growing library.
I found this -- Die Geschichte Europas. The title is a play on words, meaning both "The History of Europe" and "The Story of Europe." It's novel-sized, and is written like a novel as well, covering the main points of Euroean history starting with the Greeks and their literature (as well as the Bible), moving through the middle ages, and finally up to the 21st century. It was 10 euros and I thought it would be a good read because I know next to nothing about general European history and would love to have an overview.
I love buying new books. Books are the one thing I can spend money on without any sort of buyer's remorse, because I firmly believe that books and reading are always a good investment, no matter what the material is (although you get bonus points for everything you read that is non-fiction or historically oriented). Bookstores are like candy stores for me. I love walking into a bookstore, finding a good book that really grabs my interest, and then going to a cafe and sitting down with a cup of coffee for a couple of hours. There's no cafe here in my dorm room, but I do have a new view out the window and an instant cappucino sitting next to me.
Bookstores here in Germany are especially fun because I have the chance to buy all sorts of books I could never get in the States. I want to raid their sections on World War II, the Third Reich, divided Germany, European history, American history, fiction.....oh man. My heart beats faster just thinking about it. I want to have a nice, respectable, and above all sizeable library built by the end of this year, even if I have to pay a small ransom to ship the books back at the end of the year.
Camera update: went into a camera repair shop to ask about it, they said that I would definitely have to send it in to get it fixed and that they'd guess it would be at least 150 euro. Sigh.
I found this -- Die Geschichte Europas. The title is a play on words, meaning both "The History of Europe" and "The Story of Europe." It's novel-sized, and is written like a novel as well, covering the main points of Euroean history starting with the Greeks and their literature (as well as the Bible), moving through the middle ages, and finally up to the 21st century. It was 10 euros and I thought it would be a good read because I know next to nothing about general European history and would love to have an overview.
I love buying new books. Books are the one thing I can spend money on without any sort of buyer's remorse, because I firmly believe that books and reading are always a good investment, no matter what the material is (although you get bonus points for everything you read that is non-fiction or historically oriented). Bookstores are like candy stores for me. I love walking into a bookstore, finding a good book that really grabs my interest, and then going to a cafe and sitting down with a cup of coffee for a couple of hours. There's no cafe here in my dorm room, but I do have a new view out the window and an instant cappucino sitting next to me.
Bookstores here in Germany are especially fun because I have the chance to buy all sorts of books I could never get in the States. I want to raid their sections on World War II, the Third Reich, divided Germany, European history, American history, fiction.....oh man. My heart beats faster just thinking about it. I want to have a nice, respectable, and above all sizeable library built by the end of this year, even if I have to pay a small ransom to ship the books back at the end of the year.
Camera update: went into a camera repair shop to ask about it, they said that I would definitely have to send it in to get it fixed and that they'd guess it would be at least 150 euro. Sigh.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Wow.
I've been hearing voices telling me
That I can never be what I wanna be
They're binding me with lies
Haunting me at night
And say there's nothing to believe
But somewhere in the quietness
When I'm overcome with lonliness
I hear You call my name
And like a father You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say
"You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
You will always know
You've been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine."
So I listen as You tell me who I am
And who it is I'm gonna be
And I hang on every word
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
When I have a lonely night
That is when I hear the lie
"You'll never be enough"
Though I'm giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say
"You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
You will always know
You've been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine."
-Mark Schultz
I absolutely love this song. It's so incredibly uplifting. Do you ever think about this? Do you ever think about the fact that God Himself looks down at you and says, "You are a child of Mine?" It just blows me away. I know I say that about stuff like this all the time but it really does. It leaves me absolutely speechless. What do you say when the God of Heaven and Earth looks down at you and says, "You are a child of Mine?"
Me? You want......me? This wretched, hollow shell? This selfish, fallen man? You want this? Are you sure about this, God? Look at me! I'm not worthy to so much as breathe in Your direction, and now you're telling me that You'll make the heavens themselves my inheritance? That you have crowned me? What is this??
It's hard to understand, but it's because God does not see us as we see ourselves. I look in the mirror and frankly I hate what I see. I see failure, I see a traitor, I see someone who isn't what he should be, I see a man (boy) who just can't get it together and who fights the nagging suspicion that he's just not going to amount to who he should be for God. I'm sorry, God. I'm not your man. I can't do this.
But God looks at us and sees something completely different. He sees a warrior or a princess. He sees a man or a woman who is exactly who He created them to be. A beautiful, awe-inspiring, living testament to His glory. And He's not about to let us back down. No, He says, you ARE my man, and I'm going to prove it to you. If you let me, I will transform you. I will make you everything you were made to be and more. I will take this shattered shell of a human and make it new.
People thought Jesus was crazy when he picked twelve ofIsrael
And then Jesus took those twelve men, those twelve sub-par, won't-amount-to-much men and changed the world. Those mediocre men built a church, changed a city, changed a nation, conquered the world's mightiest empire, and changed the course of history. God called each of them out, said, "You -- you're my man." (literally). Then he transformed them into completely unrecognizable men of God. And He wants to do the same for all of us, if only we will allow Him, if only we will heed the call.
But Lord.....I'm so mired in sin! I'm such a failure! I've betrayed You! How can You forgive me yet again? I've broken so many promises already -- how can You take me seriously? God knows what's on our minds and on our hearts. That's been on my heart lately, been in my prayers in the form of a thought that haunts me all day long: How on earth can You trust me anymore?
And then the answer came: Promise Me again. But this time, don't promise Me to do your best from now on -- have the courage to promise Me that these things will never, ever again have any place in your life. Forsake it. Throw it away for good. Stop. Turn. Run to Me. Don't let the fear of letting Me down keep you from making this all-or-nothing promise. When it gets difficult to keep that promise (and it will), promise Me that you will turn to Me and not yourself for the strength to keep it. Promise Me.
And so I did. And you know something? There is a paradoxical freedom in making a binding contract like that. It's the freedom that comes from knowing that you are forgiven and that you will never be the same, from knowing that you need not worry about how you're going to keep your promise -- God will give you the strength as you go, because you can't do it on your own and you've admitted that. It's the freedom that comes from knowing that it truly is in God's hands.
You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
-Romans 6:18
I don't know why I get so personal on here, but for some reason when it comes to things in the area of my relationship with Christ I have no problem about ejecting my thoughts out into cyberspace. Why? Because I'm not ashamed of getting personal in that area. God is doing incredible things in my heart and life right now and I want to share them with anyone who wants to listen. So I hope that you've gotten something out of this little (long) post. Don't forget what God sees when He looks at you.
That I can never be what I wanna be
They're binding me with lies
Haunting me at night
And say there's nothing to believe
But somewhere in the quietness
When I'm overcome with lonliness
I hear You call my name
And like a father You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say
"You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
You will always know
You've been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine."
So I listen as You tell me who I am
And who it is I'm gonna be
And I hang on every word
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
When I have a lonely night
That is when I hear the lie
"You'll never be enough"
Though I'm giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say
"You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
You will always know
You've been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine."
-Mark Schultz
I absolutely love this song. It's so incredibly uplifting. Do you ever think about this? Do you ever think about the fact that God Himself looks down at you and says, "You are a child of Mine?" It just blows me away. I know I say that about stuff like this all the time but it really does. It leaves me absolutely speechless. What do you say when the God of Heaven and Earth looks down at you and says, "You are a child of Mine?"
Me? You want......me? This wretched, hollow shell? This selfish, fallen man? You want this? Are you sure about this, God? Look at me! I'm not worthy to so much as breathe in Your direction, and now you're telling me that You'll make the heavens themselves my inheritance? That you have crowned me? What is this??
It's hard to understand, but it's because God does not see us as we see ourselves. I look in the mirror and frankly I hate what I see. I see failure, I see a traitor, I see someone who isn't what he should be, I see a man (boy) who just can't get it together and who fights the nagging suspicion that he's just not going to amount to who he should be for God. I'm sorry, God. I'm not your man. I can't do this.
But God looks at us and sees something completely different. He sees a warrior or a princess. He sees a man or a woman who is exactly who He created them to be. A beautiful, awe-inspiring, living testament to His glory. And He's not about to let us back down. No, He says, you ARE my man, and I'm going to prove it to you. If you let me, I will transform you. I will make you everything you were made to be and more. I will take this shattered shell of a human and make it new.
People thought Jesus was crazy when he picked twelve of
And then Jesus took those twelve men, those twelve sub-par, won't-amount-to-much men and changed the world. Those mediocre men built a church, changed a city, changed a nation, conquered the world's mightiest empire, and changed the course of history. God called each of them out, said, "You -- you're my man." (literally). Then he transformed them into completely unrecognizable men of God. And He wants to do the same for all of us, if only we will allow Him, if only we will heed the call.
But Lord.....I'm so mired in sin! I'm such a failure! I've betrayed You! How can You forgive me yet again? I've broken so many promises already -- how can You take me seriously? God knows what's on our minds and on our hearts. That's been on my heart lately, been in my prayers in the form of a thought that haunts me all day long: How on earth can You trust me anymore?
And then the answer came: Promise Me again. But this time, don't promise Me to do your best from now on -- have the courage to promise Me that these things will never, ever again have any place in your life. Forsake it. Throw it away for good. Stop. Turn. Run to Me. Don't let the fear of letting Me down keep you from making this all-or-nothing promise. When it gets difficult to keep that promise (and it will), promise Me that you will turn to Me and not yourself for the strength to keep it. Promise Me.
And so I did. And you know something? There is a paradoxical freedom in making a binding contract like that. It's the freedom that comes from knowing that you are forgiven and that you will never be the same, from knowing that you need not worry about how you're going to keep your promise -- God will give you the strength as you go, because you can't do it on your own and you've admitted that. It's the freedom that comes from knowing that it truly is in God's hands.
You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
-Romans 6:18
I don't know why I get so personal on here, but for some reason when it comes to things in the area of my relationship with Christ I have no problem about ejecting my thoughts out into cyberspace. Why? Because I'm not ashamed of getting personal in that area. God is doing incredible things in my heart and life right now and I want to share them with anyone who wants to listen. So I hope that you've gotten something out of this little (long) post. Don't forget what God sees when He looks at you.
It's Snowing - And It's Sticking
Hopefully it keeps up. As I right this it's looking like the flakes are getting smaller. Too bad I'm off to get eaten alive by my medieval German test. I hate this class.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
This Is Life, And It's Good
Yesterday a group of us went to Stuttgart for almost the entire day to see the new Harry Potter movie. We took the noon train in, bummed around for a bit and got a late lunch, then caught the 4pm showing. The movie was great. I won't say anything other than that. 
Then a bunch of us decided to stick around for a showing of Elizabethtown, which was not nearly as great but instead just okay. In between movies we had a good 2 hours to kill, so we all went to Starbucks for coffee. On the way there Bill and I attempted to explain to the girls why Hermoine is drop-dead gorgeous. They just don't get it. Addy was really confused because she didn't understand how Hermoine, a girl who doesn't look like the ones in the magazines, is what guys want. So let me announce on behalf of maledom for the benefit of femaledom:
Ahem. The girls on the magazine coveres do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, embody the ideal that every guy wants in a woman. We MUCH prefer natural, untampered beauty such as Hermoine's to airbrushed and very obviously exaggerated beauty. So just endeavor to look like Hermoine and you'll all be home free.
And yes, I'm aware the Hermoine is only 15 years old at this point. But I ask you: consider, if she's this beautiful at 15, what she'll look like when she's finally legal!
We also decided, since it was freezing cold, to get some Glühwein in between movies in order to warm up. I had never had it before, and it's a weird taste at first. When you first take a sip and it first hits your tongue you'd swear it's apple cider, and then suddenly the wine's sour aftertaste floods your palate and reminds you that you're actually drinking hot wine with a bunch of spices and not apple juice. It was good stuff and really warmed us up.
It was just overall a really great night. There was a moment on the subway when I was just sitting there watching the stations go by....Schlossplatz, Fauststrasse, Rathaus....and one thought wouldn't leave me alone:
"How am I going to be able to leave this place at the end of the year? I can't leave. This is my home."
Like I've said before, life here is a roller coaster. I'm on a crest right now. It's a weird feeling up here at the top of the world....this really has become home, even after only 3 months, and what's hard to think about is how difficult it's going to be to leave this place behind. That's the last thing I want to think about right now.
Another thing on my mind right now is the fact that Christmas is racing up so fast it's making my head spin. I'm also thinking a lot about how this is my first Christmas away from home. Ever. It's going to be hard. Christmas in Seattle is absolutely gorgeous....I love it. I bought some Christmas lights for my room and they're up around my window right now, lighting up the room in multicolored festivity.
I've been seeing a lot in the online news lately that Kansas recently decided to pass a proposal to allow teaching Intelligent Design in their schools, which of course is prompting an uproar from the left, who claim, as always, that the crazy right-wing zealouts are taking over the world. My favorite argument against teaching Intelligent Design is that it's "not science."
What intelligent design does is look at the complexity of the world and say, "if this wasn't created by a designer, then I don't know how it got here." That's a perfectly acceptable scientific conclusion. Conclusions like that -- the "I just don't know" conclusion -- are made all the time in all areas of science. The difference with intelligent design is that it offers an explanation outside the world of science. It turns to a creator instead of cold logic. If you call that infusion of relgion with science, then fine. Call it what you want.
The real problem that science has with intelligent design theory isn't that it's "not science." It's that it's not the answer that science wants to hear.
19For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate." 20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?
1 Corinthians 1:19-20
Then a bunch of us decided to stick around for a showing of Elizabethtown, which was not nearly as great but instead just okay. In between movies we had a good 2 hours to kill, so we all went to Starbucks for coffee. On the way there Bill and I attempted to explain to the girls why Hermoine is drop-dead gorgeous. They just don't get it. Addy was really confused because she didn't understand how Hermoine, a girl who doesn't look like the ones in the magazines, is what guys want. So let me announce on behalf of maledom for the benefit of femaledom:Ahem. The girls on the magazine coveres do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, embody the ideal that every guy wants in a woman. We MUCH prefer natural, untampered beauty such as Hermoine's to airbrushed and very obviously exaggerated beauty. So just endeavor to look like Hermoine and you'll all be home free.
And yes, I'm aware the Hermoine is only 15 years old at this point. But I ask you: consider, if she's this beautiful at 15, what she'll look like when she's finally legal!
We also decided, since it was freezing cold, to get some Glühwein in between movies in order to warm up. I had never had it before, and it's a weird taste at first. When you first take a sip and it first hits your tongue you'd swear it's apple cider, and then suddenly the wine's sour aftertaste floods your palate and reminds you that you're actually drinking hot wine with a bunch of spices and not apple juice. It was good stuff and really warmed us up.
It was just overall a really great night. There was a moment on the subway when I was just sitting there watching the stations go by....Schlossplatz, Fauststrasse, Rathaus....and one thought wouldn't leave me alone:
"How am I going to be able to leave this place at the end of the year? I can't leave. This is my home."
Like I've said before, life here is a roller coaster. I'm on a crest right now. It's a weird feeling up here at the top of the world....this really has become home, even after only 3 months, and what's hard to think about is how difficult it's going to be to leave this place behind. That's the last thing I want to think about right now.
Another thing on my mind right now is the fact that Christmas is racing up so fast it's making my head spin. I'm also thinking a lot about how this is my first Christmas away from home. Ever. It's going to be hard. Christmas in Seattle is absolutely gorgeous....I love it. I bought some Christmas lights for my room and they're up around my window right now, lighting up the room in multicolored festivity.
I've been seeing a lot in the online news lately that Kansas recently decided to pass a proposal to allow teaching Intelligent Design in their schools, which of course is prompting an uproar from the left, who claim, as always, that the crazy right-wing zealouts are taking over the world. My favorite argument against teaching Intelligent Design is that it's "not science."
What intelligent design does is look at the complexity of the world and say, "if this wasn't created by a designer, then I don't know how it got here." That's a perfectly acceptable scientific conclusion. Conclusions like that -- the "I just don't know" conclusion -- are made all the time in all areas of science. The difference with intelligent design is that it offers an explanation outside the world of science. It turns to a creator instead of cold logic. If you call that infusion of relgion with science, then fine. Call it what you want.
The real problem that science has with intelligent design theory isn't that it's "not science." It's that it's not the answer that science wants to hear.
19For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate." 20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?
1 Corinthians 1:19-20
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Reflections and Discoveries
Once again I sit down at my computer and attempt to put into words the odd mixture of feelings that constitutes being here. I don’t know what to make of it. I have the weirdest mood swings from day to day, even hour to hour. Earlier today I was perfectly content being here and then suddenly it’s just not what I want it to be. It’s the strangest thing. The moment that I think about home I get pulled into a sort of funk and a wave of homesickness that is almost unwiderstehlich. I don’t know how long this is going to last, but I am not enjoying this roller coaster. I’m about to toss my cookies.
I think the one thing that I would change, if I could pick only one thing about my situation here to change, would be the ratio of Germans to foreigners and Americans in my friends list. I think that if I was fully immersed, hanging out only with Germans all the time, speaking German all the time, I would be much happier. Right now I’m sort of in this limbo of trying to grasp a new culture, new people, new habits, a new language – and yet I can’t quite separate myself from where I come from and who I am because at the end of the day those things follow me through the Americans that I’ve met here and become very good friends with. It’s like we were discussing in class the other day – you can’t change your nationality, can’t change who you are. I wanted so badly to become a “temporary German” when I came here and yet I’m finding out that whether I want to or not that isn’t really possible in this town. To do that I’d have to move out onto the countryside and live in a small village where there aren’t Americans and other foreign students at every turn.
I don’t mean to say that I don’t like my American friends here in Tübingen. Quite the opposite, they’re amazing. But I’m not doing myself any favors by hanging out with them the majority of the time.
I think this is why I was so happy up at Matze’s house with his family the first two weeks of my stay here in
So that’s what I’ve figured out the past few days. In order for me to really be 100% happy here, I have to leave everything behind. I can’t sit on this fence anymore. It doesn’t work and it makes me crazy. But I can’t really jump off the fence because this town is full of exchange students from all over the world and no matter what I do I keep running into them. I can’t escape my nationality and the fact that I am a foreigner here, can't run from home. Home follows me all the way across the Atlantic and won't let go. And that realization is the core of my frustration and the core of this maddening conflict inside me.
And with that, I think it’s time to wrap up. As a side note, I am going to attempt to blog at the most every other day (or when something of import happens) from now on, for two reasons: one, I think I need to stop spending so much time thinking and more time doing, and two, I think I have an unhealthy addiction to Xanga that needs to be curbed. But please check back and leave me lots of feedback to come back to every other day when I post.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
I am addicted to instant chocolate cappucino mix. This is my 8th one in 5 hours.
WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Lots of homework tonight. Lots and lots. Late night. That's ok. Errands tomorrow. Christmas shopping. RitterSport factory (again) on Friday to buy chocolate by the kilo.
Harry Potter in Stuttgart on Saturday. Swedish pancakes. Cooking with the amazing people in my dorm who I absolutely love on Sunday.
Rock on.
WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Lots of homework tonight. Lots and lots. Late night. That's ok. Errands tomorrow. Christmas shopping. RitterSport factory (again) on Friday to buy chocolate by the kilo.
Harry Potter in Stuttgart on Saturday. Swedish pancakes. Cooking with the amazing people in my dorm who I absolutely love on Sunday.
Rock on.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Good News, Bad News
The Good News: The iPod is FINALLY here.
The Bad News: It's not in my hot little hands. It's at the Zollamt. I got a notice today. It's also Saturday, which means that I have to wait till Monday to get it. And Lord only knows how much I'm going to have to pay them. It's seriously just my luck. Whenever I'm expecting a package I'm really excited about, something always happens to delay it in some way, WITHOUT fail. I think this is God's sick and twisted way of trying to teach me patience.
It sure ain't workin.
--edit--
More Bad News: My camera is broken. I turn it on and switch it to capture mode, the screen comes on, but it's all black as if I'm trying to take a picture in a dark room. It's been doing this for a couple of weeks now, but I've always been able to fix it by switching the camera off and then on again. Now it won't stop. This isn't good. I can't send it in to Canon for repair right now because Christmas is right around the corner and there's no way it would get back to me by the time I head up to Matze's. I can't be without a camera when I go up there. I am NOT excited about the prospect of shelling out even more money for a new camera right now. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh....
The Bad News: It's not in my hot little hands. It's at the Zollamt. I got a notice today. It's also Saturday, which means that I have to wait till Monday to get it. And Lord only knows how much I'm going to have to pay them. It's seriously just my luck. Whenever I'm expecting a package I'm really excited about, something always happens to delay it in some way, WITHOUT fail. I think this is God's sick and twisted way of trying to teach me patience.
It sure ain't workin.
--edit--
More Bad News: My camera is broken. I turn it on and switch it to capture mode, the screen comes on, but it's all black as if I'm trying to take a picture in a dark room. It's been doing this for a couple of weeks now, but I've always been able to fix it by switching the camera off and then on again. Now it won't stop. This isn't good. I can't send it in to Canon for repair right now because Christmas is right around the corner and there's no way it would get back to me by the time I head up to Matze's. I can't be without a camera when I go up there. I am NOT excited about the prospect of shelling out even more money for a new camera right now. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh....
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Discrimination?
An excerpt from Almir's and my conversation over Chinese food tonight at Wok-In.....
Me: Yeah, so my friend Tyler went to church this morning in China. He said it was really weird but I was just surprised because I thought that, you know, Christianity is like outlawed in China.
Almir: It is?
Me: Well yeah, I think so...I mean you can't bring Bibles into the country as far as I know.
Almir: ............Isn't that called "discrimination?"
Me: No, that's called "communism."
Me: Yeah, so my friend Tyler went to church this morning in China. He said it was really weird but I was just surprised because I thought that, you know, Christianity is like outlawed in China.
Almir: It is?
Me: Well yeah, I think so...I mean you can't bring Bibles into the country as far as I know.
Almir: ............Isn't that called "discrimination?"
Me: No, that's called "communism."
Friday, November 11, 2005
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Sigh...
Sigh............
Is it bad that one of the only things I can think about right now is how much I'd like to fast-forward my life 8 months, to late July, so I can have the experience of going home?
It's hard to put into words, but it's just such a strange feeling being here. I love it and I hate it at the same time. I know that I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, and I'm having fun and all, but....it's not THAT amazing. At this moment I have almost zero motivation to travel, almost zero motivation to see anything....If left to my own devices I might not do anything at all. And all this time all I can think about is how badly I want the year to be over, not so much because I want to go home, but because I want to know what it's going to feel like to leave this place and finally go home. I want to be able to appreciate home in a different light. To feel like a stranger in my own hometown. I want to know what it's going to feel like when the plane touches down in Seattle and I realize that it's over. How amazing that's going to be!
And I hate the fact that I'm having those thoughts and feelings because I know that I should be out there enjoying this year and sucking every bit of the marrow out of it and just having the time of my life.....but I just can't seem to really do that right now and I don't know why. I wanted to fall in love with Germany this year, but instead I've fallen in love with home. There's nothing that will make you appreciate your life, your friends, your family, your university more than leaving all of them behind.
I guess I'm just worried that I'm going to wake up someday soon and it will be July and the year will be over and I'll realize that I spent the whole 11 months wishing I was at home. I'm afraid my German won't be any better, that I won't have made a lot of German friends that I'll get to stay in contact with over here, and that when all is said and done I'll feel like I wasted the year. That I'll live with the haunting feeling that if I had only just bucked up, sucked it up, and gotten out there, I might have had the year of my life and now it's over and there isn't a second chance.
I've said it before, but it's just as true now as it was then: this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Is it bad that one of the only things I can think about right now is how much I'd like to fast-forward my life 8 months, to late July, so I can have the experience of going home?
It's hard to put into words, but it's just such a strange feeling being here. I love it and I hate it at the same time. I know that I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, and I'm having fun and all, but....it's not THAT amazing. At this moment I have almost zero motivation to travel, almost zero motivation to see anything....If left to my own devices I might not do anything at all. And all this time all I can think about is how badly I want the year to be over, not so much because I want to go home, but because I want to know what it's going to feel like to leave this place and finally go home. I want to be able to appreciate home in a different light. To feel like a stranger in my own hometown. I want to know what it's going to feel like when the plane touches down in Seattle and I realize that it's over. How amazing that's going to be!
And I hate the fact that I'm having those thoughts and feelings because I know that I should be out there enjoying this year and sucking every bit of the marrow out of it and just having the time of my life.....but I just can't seem to really do that right now and I don't know why. I wanted to fall in love with Germany this year, but instead I've fallen in love with home. There's nothing that will make you appreciate your life, your friends, your family, your university more than leaving all of them behind.
I guess I'm just worried that I'm going to wake up someday soon and it will be July and the year will be over and I'll realize that I spent the whole 11 months wishing I was at home. I'm afraid my German won't be any better, that I won't have made a lot of German friends that I'll get to stay in contact with over here, and that when all is said and done I'll feel like I wasted the year. That I'll live with the haunting feeling that if I had only just bucked up, sucked it up, and gotten out there, I might have had the year of my life and now it's over and there isn't a second chance.
I've said it before, but it's just as true now as it was then: this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Monday, November 7, 2005
Here Goes Nothing
We're starting a new week. I have t-minus 2.5 hours till my medieval German seminar and I still haven't translated this poem (which was our homework). I probably should do that.
Another week, another 7 days of the good life.
I need coffee.
Guitar is coming along WONDERFULLY. I can now switch between the 4 chords without looking, although I have to go very slowly. I have also learned that in order to play guitar you have to be the type of person who can tolerate playing and hearing the same thing over and over and over again.
Fortunately, I am just such a person.
Unforunately, the people living next to, below, and above me are not.
--edit--
I feel a need to keep writing. So how exactly IS the good life going, you may ask? Well, it's how the Germans describe something when it's "good" -- they say it's "okay." And it is. It's okay. It's life. I really don't know what else to say. I mean.....it's just...the daily grind. Sort of. Life is so much slower here that it's hard to feel like it's "the daily grind." I do less, but I think I the focus here has been more on quality than quantity. For example, I've been learning guitar, which is something I never would have had time for at ASU. Schoolwork has, thus far, occupied so little of my time that I'm getting worried. But I'm beginning to see why everyone has no homework during the semester and then is M.I.A. for the two weeks leading up to exams and papers -- all the work comes at the end.
The majority of my friends are still Americans and other internationals, and I am still not quite comfortable with this, but I'm getting there. I have loosened my priorities and my goals so much. I had originally intended to go cold turkey 100% immersion, but I've realized that's literally impossible here. I will be speaking at least some English every day whether I like it or not. Furthermore, it's simply more likely that I'm going to be closer with the other exchange students, partly because we're all sharing the same experience and partly because the Germans are so ridiculously hard to befriend. One of the DAAD people said that American friendships are like peaches. They're soft on the outside and thus easy to penetrate, but the core is a hard seed that is difficult to bore into. Germans, he said, are like coconuts. The outer shell is hard and seemingly impenetrable, but once you get through that, it's soft and juicy. Or milky. Whatever.
At any rate, I would sure love to know how the heck you crack open the coconut, because I'm not having a lot of success so far. I'm about ready to just ask a German, "Excuse me, but how the hell do you make friends here?" It's sure not like in the States, where I can spontaneously call up someone and say, "Hey, you wanna get coffee/food/whatever?" Germans seem to want to have planned appointments beforehand, and I have yet to see any German friends doing anything one-on-one. Just some observations.
Anyway I had a long thing after that about the whole politics subect, but sorry guys, I deleted it. I'm going to chew on that a little longer myself.
Another week, another 7 days of the good life.
I need coffee.
Guitar is coming along WONDERFULLY. I can now switch between the 4 chords without looking, although I have to go very slowly. I have also learned that in order to play guitar you have to be the type of person who can tolerate playing and hearing the same thing over and over and over again.
Fortunately, I am just such a person.
Unforunately, the people living next to, below, and above me are not.
--edit--
I feel a need to keep writing. So how exactly IS the good life going, you may ask? Well, it's how the Germans describe something when it's "good" -- they say it's "okay." And it is. It's okay. It's life. I really don't know what else to say. I mean.....it's just...the daily grind. Sort of. Life is so much slower here that it's hard to feel like it's "the daily grind." I do less, but I think I the focus here has been more on quality than quantity. For example, I've been learning guitar, which is something I never would have had time for at ASU. Schoolwork has, thus far, occupied so little of my time that I'm getting worried. But I'm beginning to see why everyone has no homework during the semester and then is M.I.A. for the two weeks leading up to exams and papers -- all the work comes at the end.
The majority of my friends are still Americans and other internationals, and I am still not quite comfortable with this, but I'm getting there. I have loosened my priorities and my goals so much. I had originally intended to go cold turkey 100% immersion, but I've realized that's literally impossible here. I will be speaking at least some English every day whether I like it or not. Furthermore, it's simply more likely that I'm going to be closer with the other exchange students, partly because we're all sharing the same experience and partly because the Germans are so ridiculously hard to befriend. One of the DAAD people said that American friendships are like peaches. They're soft on the outside and thus easy to penetrate, but the core is a hard seed that is difficult to bore into. Germans, he said, are like coconuts. The outer shell is hard and seemingly impenetrable, but once you get through that, it's soft and juicy. Or milky. Whatever.
At any rate, I would sure love to know how the heck you crack open the coconut, because I'm not having a lot of success so far. I'm about ready to just ask a German, "Excuse me, but how the hell do you make friends here?" It's sure not like in the States, where I can spontaneously call up someone and say, "Hey, you wanna get coffee/food/whatever?" Germans seem to want to have planned appointments beforehand, and I have yet to see any German friends doing anything one-on-one. Just some observations.
Anyway I had a long thing after that about the whole politics subect, but sorry guys, I deleted it. I'm going to chew on that a little longer myself.
Saturday, November 5, 2005
Well...
It's 12:02 pm local time, I woke up at 9:30 and haven't moved from my computer yet. You all know what this means: long rambling introspective post. It's been a while, so why not?
The tree outside my window is looking very sad without most of its leaves. It reminds me of those mangy stray dogs you sometimes see on the street, knowing that they would look so much healthier if somone would just give them a bath.
Life is going really well right now. I am having a good time in Germany. Classes are okay, I really should get some homework done today. I feel like I'm behind. I also really need to get a planner so that I can start writing things down. Either that or my iPod needs to hurry up and get through customs so I can sync it with Outlook. Speaking of the iPod, I am a little worried, because I realized that the package is unopened. Customs is going to notice that and I'm worried that they're going to hold the package somewhere and summon me to pay some sort of tax on importing it. Which really sort of ticks me off. Why should I pay taxes to support the EU when I'm not even an EU citizen? I should have had Erica open up the package and then re-tape it again. Oh well. It should be here soon I think.
Speaking of taxes, I learned something new the other day. Most items you buy in Germany are untaxed, but do you know where a lot of the revenue goes for the items that ARE taxed? To the EU. That's where the EU gets its budget. I had no idea but I find that fascinating. And creepy.
Right now I should be in the shower and getting dressed so that I can go to the grocery store and stock up on food. Sunday is tomorrow and the stores will be closed. Speaking of Sundays, today I am meeting up with Heinz to discuss the whole church thing. Sigh. I don't know what I'm going to tell him. I really hope he doesn't pressure me to stay. I hate being sold anything, least of all a church. The more that I think about it the more I think that TOS is not a good place for me to be this year. The thing that worries me though is that at this moment I'm totally unmotivated to search for a new church. I don't like that feeling.
Amazon.de is amazingly fast. I ordered a book off there late Thursday night and it arrived this morning, straight to my door. Why can't it be that fast in the States? Ridiculous. I want candy. I bought a bunch of snickers, Ritter Sport, and Milka on Halloween night but I've eaten it all already.
I feel that being in Europe has made me much more objective in the way that I look at politics. I could write a lot more on that theme, but I'm still thinking it over myself and so I don't want to go into it too much yet. Maybe later. Long story short: my political views are somewhat different than they were when I got here. I'll let you all chew on that for a while
Aaaaaaand I think I'm done.
The tree outside my window is looking very sad without most of its leaves. It reminds me of those mangy stray dogs you sometimes see on the street, knowing that they would look so much healthier if somone would just give them a bath.
Life is going really well right now. I am having a good time in Germany. Classes are okay, I really should get some homework done today. I feel like I'm behind. I also really need to get a planner so that I can start writing things down. Either that or my iPod needs to hurry up and get through customs so I can sync it with Outlook. Speaking of the iPod, I am a little worried, because I realized that the package is unopened. Customs is going to notice that and I'm worried that they're going to hold the package somewhere and summon me to pay some sort of tax on importing it. Which really sort of ticks me off. Why should I pay taxes to support the EU when I'm not even an EU citizen? I should have had Erica open up the package and then re-tape it again. Oh well. It should be here soon I think.
Speaking of taxes, I learned something new the other day. Most items you buy in Germany are untaxed, but do you know where a lot of the revenue goes for the items that ARE taxed? To the EU. That's where the EU gets its budget. I had no idea but I find that fascinating. And creepy.
Right now I should be in the shower and getting dressed so that I can go to the grocery store and stock up on food. Sunday is tomorrow and the stores will be closed. Speaking of Sundays, today I am meeting up with Heinz to discuss the whole church thing. Sigh. I don't know what I'm going to tell him. I really hope he doesn't pressure me to stay. I hate being sold anything, least of all a church. The more that I think about it the more I think that TOS is not a good place for me to be this year. The thing that worries me though is that at this moment I'm totally unmotivated to search for a new church. I don't like that feeling.
Amazon.de is amazingly fast. I ordered a book off there late Thursday night and it arrived this morning, straight to my door. Why can't it be that fast in the States? Ridiculous. I want candy. I bought a bunch of snickers, Ritter Sport, and Milka on Halloween night but I've eaten it all already.
I feel that being in Europe has made me much more objective in the way that I look at politics. I could write a lot more on that theme, but I'm still thinking it over myself and so I don't want to go into it too much yet. Maybe later. Long story short: my political views are somewhat different than they were when I got here. I'll let you all chew on that for a while
Aaaaaaand I think I'm done.
Thursday, November 3, 2005
I Have A Guitar!!
I bought my guitar today! Oh man I'm so excited to start learning. It's a used one and it's made of cedar (I think) so it's got a sort of dark, rich look to it. It's beautiful and is resting on its stand next to my desk as we speak. Oh man.
We looked through the "teach yourself guitar" books at the store but didn't find any that were really good and worth spending a 20 bucks on. Does anyone know any good online resources to start learning chords/notes/songs/etc? I'm so anxious to get started I'll start with anything!
Shoot. I forgot to get a pick.
--edit--
I've been practicing scales and chords. So far the only chord I can play without wincing in pain is D major. I've even come up with a small variation of D by lifting my first finger from the second fret as I strum. It's simple but it sounds good. C and G hurt like heck and are actually darn near impossible. I think it's combination of the fact that I have very small hands for a guy and this guitar has a wide neck. But regardless, how do people bend their fingers this way???
We looked through the "teach yourself guitar" books at the store but didn't find any that were really good and worth spending a 20 bucks on. Does anyone know any good online resources to start learning chords/notes/songs/etc? I'm so anxious to get started I'll start with anything!
Shoot. I forgot to get a pick.
--edit--
I've been practicing scales and chords. So far the only chord I can play without wincing in pain is D major. I've even come up with a small variation of D by lifting my first finger from the second fret as I strum. It's simple but it sounds good. C and G hurt like heck and are actually darn near impossible. I think it's combination of the fact that I have very small hands for a guy and this guitar has a wide neck. But regardless, how do people bend their fingers this way???
Wednesday, November 2, 2005
HECK YES!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? I'm buying a guitar!!! Yes!! Used, classical guitar, nylon strings, comes with a stand, a bag, and everything else...180 euro. Heck yes baby. I'm so excited! I've wanted to learn to play forever and now I finally will! My buddy Almir is gonna teach me.
Life in Germany is rocking my socks off right now. I LOVE it here. A bunch of us are going to Heidelberg and Konstanz this weekend. It shall be awesome.
Man life just ROCKS!!!
Life in Germany is rocking my socks off right now. I LOVE it here. A bunch of us are going to Heidelberg and Konstanz this weekend. It shall be awesome.
Man life just ROCKS!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Holy Cow
Holy cow tonight was fun. Too bad my train leaves in 4 hours. Oohhhhh tired Matthew on the train tomorrow...(today).
Ugh.
Yes, that pretty much sums things up right now. Plan for today: errands, class, more errands, then bar hopping wth StudIT, and then maybe the weekly thursday party at the Clubhaus, also with StudIT. I'm not feeling very up to any of that at the moment. Friday morning I leave for Bonn to go to the DAAD meeting, and when I say morning I mean 5:06 am. Yes, my train leaves at 5:06 am, because I have to be in Bonn by 11am. And that means that in order to catch my train I have to take the 3am bus down to the station (the last night bus, actually) and wait there till my train leaves. This effectively means I'm not sleeping tonight.
Oh yay. Back from Bonn on Saturday night around 11, at which time I will more than likely collapse exhausted into my bed. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
Oh yay. Back from Bonn on Saturday night around 11, at which time I will more than likely collapse exhausted into my bed. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Thank Goodness It's Over
My incredibly insane Tuesday is over. Almost. But here's a recap: 9am to 6pm with continuous classes, except for a 1 hour break. Shoot me now. My morning lecture on medieval lit was canceled (okay so it wasn't REALLY 9am today, but in the future it will be, and it still counts because I had to get up) and so my first class of the day was my Political System of the EU lecture.
The prof is good, he's very knowledgeable. But the class itself was a stress. You cannot know what I mean unless you have ever sat in on an actual college-level class in a foreign language -- and not just that, but COLLEGE-level foreign language. Uni-speak. I could understand most of what the prof said, but the problem comes in when you're trying to listen AND take notes. At this point it is extremely difficult for me, in fact near impossible, to write and listen to the prof at the same time. Then comes the question of whether I should write in English or German. My notes from today are jumble of both, because I wrote down whatever words came fastest. I've discovered that, unlike having lectures in my mother language, I cannot hold what the professor says in my head for more than 10 seconds, even if the words are familiar to me. It's the must frustrating feeling of helplessness I've ever felt. With it being so difficult to keep all that material in your brain, it's extremely difficult at the end of the lecture to have a sense of exactly what you just heard. Summarizing is difficult.
My other classes went well because I didn't have to take as many notes. In fact my Theological Readings for Non-Native Speakers class was actually quite easy as the prof speaks slowly and frankly has a very strong American accent.
During my break I was sitting by the fountain in front of the library trying to gather my thoughts and this girl selling newspapers comes up to me. The following conversation ensued (in German of course):
Girl: Do you perhaps have interest in signing up for a subscription to The Times? (Newspaper)
Me: No, thanks.
Girl: Why not?
Me: I can't read. I'm an exchange student.
Girl [confused]: But you're speaking German.
Me: I know. I can speak German, but I can't read it.
Girl: Don't you want to practice your reading skills with a newspaper?
Me: No.
I was that tired and that stressed. It was easier to just tell her I was illiterate than to actually argue with her. I HATE being sold things.
Now it's off to get my Schein from my language course and then we have a floor meeting later tonight. After that I am collapsing into bed. Uuuuuuuuuugh......
The prof is good, he's very knowledgeable. But the class itself was a stress. You cannot know what I mean unless you have ever sat in on an actual college-level class in a foreign language -- and not just that, but COLLEGE-level foreign language. Uni-speak. I could understand most of what the prof said, but the problem comes in when you're trying to listen AND take notes. At this point it is extremely difficult for me, in fact near impossible, to write and listen to the prof at the same time. Then comes the question of whether I should write in English or German. My notes from today are jumble of both, because I wrote down whatever words came fastest. I've discovered that, unlike having lectures in my mother language, I cannot hold what the professor says in my head for more than 10 seconds, even if the words are familiar to me. It's the must frustrating feeling of helplessness I've ever felt. With it being so difficult to keep all that material in your brain, it's extremely difficult at the end of the lecture to have a sense of exactly what you just heard. Summarizing is difficult.
My other classes went well because I didn't have to take as many notes. In fact my Theological Readings for Non-Native Speakers class was actually quite easy as the prof speaks slowly and frankly has a very strong American accent.
During my break I was sitting by the fountain in front of the library trying to gather my thoughts and this girl selling newspapers comes up to me. The following conversation ensued (in German of course):
Girl: Do you perhaps have interest in signing up for a subscription to The Times? (Newspaper)
Me: No, thanks.
Girl: Why not?
Me: I can't read. I'm an exchange student.
Girl [confused]: But you're speaking German.
Me: I know. I can speak German, but I can't read it.
Girl: Don't you want to practice your reading skills with a newspaper?
Me: No.
I was that tired and that stressed. It was easier to just tell her I was illiterate than to actually argue with her. I HATE being sold things.
Now it's off to get my Schein from my language course and then we have a floor meeting later tonight. After that I am collapsing into bed. Uuuuuuuuuugh......
If You're an Idiot, Please Raise Your Hand
I had my first real German seminar today, "Translation from Medieval High German." To describe the 3-hour session in short.....
Oh my goodness. I wanted to cry. Okay not really but I definitely felt like screaming. Take German, put marbles in your mouth, and then jumble up the letters, and you've got medieval German. It's barely even recognizable as German. I don't know how I'm going to do this. It's a completely different language in and of itself, with a totally different set of phonetics and everything. The worst part was when the professor passed out a sonnet that was written in medieval German and went around the room having us take turns reading it. My heart was pounding so hard I honestly was wondering if people could see it through my shirt.
In other news, I've also realized that I've signed up for my classes in such a way that I have almost everything on Tuesdays. From 9am to 6pm, I will be in class continuously with the exception of a 1-hour break. I have no choice, because I have to take these classes, and the wonderful German university system only offers one or two sections of each seminar/lecture.
So basically the overall feeling right now is sort of stressed out. I need a planner desperately and I can't find one anywhere in this city that has 2005 in it. There is so much to do this week and I'm afraid I've forgotten half of it already for not having something to write it all in. Other than that I just really feel a need to do something to de-stress. It'd be nice to kick back with a beer or three and a book or something, but that's going to have to wait till tomorrow night or Wednesday. I've got too much to do.
Oh my goodness. I wanted to cry. Okay not really but I definitely felt like screaming. Take German, put marbles in your mouth, and then jumble up the letters, and you've got medieval German. It's barely even recognizable as German. I don't know how I'm going to do this. It's a completely different language in and of itself, with a totally different set of phonetics and everything. The worst part was when the professor passed out a sonnet that was written in medieval German and went around the room having us take turns reading it. My heart was pounding so hard I honestly was wondering if people could see it through my shirt.
In other news, I've also realized that I've signed up for my classes in such a way that I have almost everything on Tuesdays. From 9am to 6pm, I will be in class continuously with the exception of a 1-hour break. I have no choice, because I have to take these classes, and the wonderful German university system only offers one or two sections of each seminar/lecture.
So basically the overall feeling right now is sort of stressed out. I need a planner desperately and I can't find one anywhere in this city that has 2005 in it. There is so much to do this week and I'm afraid I've forgotten half of it already for not having something to write it all in. Other than that I just really feel a need to do something to de-stress. It'd be nice to kick back with a beer or three and a book or something, but that's going to have to wait till tomorrow night or Wednesday. I've got too much to do.
Monday, October 24, 2005
iPod Update
At 6:30 pm EST on Sunday, Mr. iPod landed in Newark, NJ after the long trek from Anchorage, AK. Oh man I'm excited.
Also, classes officially start today. Woo hoo! Today I only have one, and zwar at 14:00 (2:00pm for you Amis still on the North American continent): History of the Geman Language and Translation of Medieval High German. It's gonna be a doozy. We'll see if I can manage it. When I tell Germans I'm taking this class and that German isn't my native langauge, their eyes get really big and they just sort of whistle. That makes me nervous.
But hey, while I'm on the subject, why not sure my class schedule with ya'll?
MY CLASSES THIS SEMESTER:
-Medieval Literature (Vorlesung)
-History of the German Language and Translation of Medeival High German (Seminar)
-Political System of the European Union (Uebung and Vorlesung)
-Scientific, Business, and Judicial German (Seminar)
-Preparation Course for the Little German Diploma from the Geothe Institut (basically literature course - we're reading novels!!!) (Seminar)
-Theological German Readings for Non-Native Speakers (Seminar)
All in all, that should keep me busy. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my busy days, as I only have one class on Mondays and Thursdays. No class on Fridays . I almost got away with no class on Thursday OR Friday, but that Theological Readings class sounded interesting and it's Tue/Thurs. I already have homework for it -- we're starting off with Dietrich Bonhoeffer's "Nachfolge."
Anyway, it's finally happened! Classes have started! Wooo Hoo!!! Matt can be insanely busy again! YES!! No, I really am happy. I've been going out of my mind not having homework or classes to attend. I need things to do!
Okay, now time to take a shower, get dressed, and go to the baker to get some Broetchen for breakfast. Ciao!
Also, classes officially start today. Woo hoo! Today I only have one, and zwar at 14:00 (2:00pm for you Amis still on the North American continent): History of the Geman Language and Translation of Medieval High German. It's gonna be a doozy. We'll see if I can manage it. When I tell Germans I'm taking this class and that German isn't my native langauge, their eyes get really big and they just sort of whistle. That makes me nervous.
But hey, while I'm on the subject, why not sure my class schedule with ya'll?
MY CLASSES THIS SEMESTER:
-Medieval Literature (Vorlesung)
-History of the German Language and Translation of Medeival High German (Seminar)
-Political System of the European Union (Uebung and Vorlesung)
-Scientific, Business, and Judicial German (Seminar)
-Preparation Course for the Little German Diploma from the Geothe Institut (basically literature course - we're reading novels!!!) (Seminar)
-Theological German Readings for Non-Native Speakers (Seminar)
All in all, that should keep me busy. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my busy days, as I only have one class on Mondays and Thursdays. No class on Fridays . I almost got away with no class on Thursday OR Friday, but that Theological Readings class sounded interesting and it's Tue/Thurs. I already have homework for it -- we're starting off with Dietrich Bonhoeffer's "Nachfolge."
Anyway, it's finally happened! Classes have started! Wooo Hoo!!! Matt can be insanely busy again! YES!! No, I really am happy. I've been going out of my mind not having homework or classes to attend. I need things to do!
Okay, now time to take a shower, get dressed, and go to the baker to get some Broetchen for breakfast. Ciao!
Saturday, October 22, 2005
The First Step To Recovery Is Admitting You Have A Problem
Today our mentoring group took a trip to Ludwigsburg to see the palace there. It was pretty cool, but I've seen so many castles and palaces in Europe by now that they're all starting to blend together. They all seem to be the same (with the exception of Ludwig's palaces in Bavaria).
Anyway we naturally had to go through Stuttgart with the train. Stuttgart, being a big scity, is the only city within 300 miles of Tübingen that is in possession of a Starbucks. We passed through Stuttgart and were almost back to Tübingen when 3 of us decided we really wanted Starbucks. So what did we do?
We got off the train, found the next train to Stuttgart, and went all the way back just to get Starbucks. It took about an hour to get there, an hour to enjoy our coffee and grab a Doener for dinner on our way back to the train station, and an hour to get back.
Man....It was so worth it. I swear, if it didn't cost 10 euros round trip, I would go to Stuttgart every morning just to get my coffee there.
My name is Matthew, and I am a Starbuckaholic.
Also: You Knew It Was Coming...
I gave you all up-to-the-minute updates on the status of my DJ when I was waiting for it, didn't I? Well, we're going to repeat that little tradition with my iPod. As of 43 minutes ago, Mr. iPod has arrived in Anchorage, Alaska fresh from the factory in Shanghai. He is now being sorted and loaded on whatever plane is heading to Pennsylvania.
Man, I freaking love FedEx tracking. It's perfect for OCD perfectionist control freaks such as myself.
And Of Course Your Daily Dose of Ann:
"The sickness of what liberals have done to America is that so many citizens — even conservative citizens — seem to believe the job of a Supreme Court justice entails nothing more than "voting" on public policy issues. The White House considers it relevant to tell us Miers' religious beliefs, her hobbies, her hopes and dreams. She's a good bowler! A stickler for detail! Great dancer! Makes her own clothes!
That's nice for her, but what we're really in the market for is a constitutional scholar who can forcefully say, "No — that's not my job."
We've been waiting 30 years to end the lunacy of nine demigods on the Supreme Court deciding every burning social issue of the day for us, loyal subjects in a judicial theocracy. We don't want someone who will decide those issues for us — but decide them "our" way. If we did, a White House bureaucrat with good horse sense might be just the ticket.
Admittedly, there isn't much that's more important than ending the abortion holocaust in America. (Abortionist casualties: 7; Unborn casualties 30 million.) But there is one thing. That is democracy.
Democracy sometimes leads to silly laws such as the one that prohibited married couples from buying contraception in Connecticut. But allowing Americans to vote has never led to creches being torn down across America. It's never led to prayer being purged from every public school in the nation. It's never led to gay marriage. It's never led to returning slaves who had escaped to free states to their slavemasters. And it's never led to 30 million dead babies.
We've gone from a representative democracy to a monarchy, and the most appalling thing is — even conservatives just hope like the dickens the next king is a good one."
Anyway we naturally had to go through Stuttgart with the train. Stuttgart, being a big scity, is the only city within 300 miles of Tübingen that is in possession of a Starbucks. We passed through Stuttgart and were almost back to Tübingen when 3 of us decided we really wanted Starbucks. So what did we do?
We got off the train, found the next train to Stuttgart, and went all the way back just to get Starbucks. It took about an hour to get there, an hour to enjoy our coffee and grab a Doener for dinner on our way back to the train station, and an hour to get back.
Man....It was so worth it. I swear, if it didn't cost 10 euros round trip, I would go to Stuttgart every morning just to get my coffee there.
My name is Matthew, and I am a Starbuckaholic.
Also: You Knew It Was Coming...
I gave you all up-to-the-minute updates on the status of my DJ when I was waiting for it, didn't I? Well, we're going to repeat that little tradition with my iPod. As of 43 minutes ago, Mr. iPod has arrived in Anchorage, Alaska fresh from the factory in Shanghai. He is now being sorted and loaded on whatever plane is heading to Pennsylvania.
Man, I freaking love FedEx tracking. It's perfect for OCD perfectionist control freaks such as myself.
And Of Course Your Daily Dose of Ann:
"The sickness of what liberals have done to America is that so many citizens — even conservative citizens — seem to believe the job of a Supreme Court justice entails nothing more than "voting" on public policy issues. The White House considers it relevant to tell us Miers' religious beliefs, her hobbies, her hopes and dreams. She's a good bowler! A stickler for detail! Great dancer! Makes her own clothes!
That's nice for her, but what we're really in the market for is a constitutional scholar who can forcefully say, "No — that's not my job."
We've been waiting 30 years to end the lunacy of nine demigods on the Supreme Court deciding every burning social issue of the day for us, loyal subjects in a judicial theocracy. We don't want someone who will decide those issues for us — but decide them "our" way. If we did, a White House bureaucrat with good horse sense might be just the ticket.
Admittedly, there isn't much that's more important than ending the abortion holocaust in America. (Abortionist casualties: 7; Unborn casualties 30 million.) But there is one thing. That is democracy.
Democracy sometimes leads to silly laws such as the one that prohibited married couples from buying contraception in Connecticut. But allowing Americans to vote has never led to creches being torn down across America. It's never led to prayer being purged from every public school in the nation. It's never led to gay marriage. It's never led to returning slaves who had escaped to free states to their slavemasters. And it's never led to 30 million dead babies.
We've gone from a representative democracy to a monarchy, and the most appalling thing is — even conservatives just hope like the dickens the next king is a good one."
Fall in Tübingen
Wow. Fall has descended upon Tübingen and let me tell you, it's amazingly gorgeous. Being from Seattle, I've not had much experience with real "seasons" (we have two: "rainy" and "very rainy"). It's been amazing to watch the trees change and the leaves slowly start to fall. Today Addy and I were walking through the Altstadt and as we crossed the Neckar bridge, we noticed that the lane of sycamores that is on the island in the middle of the river was just gorgeous (or rather, Addy noticed it, haha).
We went down there, and it was just phenomenal. The golden brown leaves covered the ground and the late afternoon sun shone softly through the branches of the tall sycamores. I walked along, dragging my feet in the grass to kick the leaves as I went. The Neckar, clearer than I've ever seen it, was flowing peacefully by on both banks, and the air was amazingly warm. I probably didn't even need my jacket.
Through the trees on the other side of the island I could see the colorful pastel paints of the houses lining the river against an unbelievably blue sky. Meanwhile, Addy started throwing leaves in the air.
It was, as Addy put it, the perfect fall day. It really was. I wish I could have just sat there for hours and read a book or just looked at it or something, and I'm kicking myself for not having my camera with me. Tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice, so I'm definitely going back to attempt to capture it for you all -- and for myself.
As we leaned against a park bench taking it all in, Addy summed it up best: "This is why I came to Tübingen -- whether I knew it or not."
Indeed.
We went down there, and it was just phenomenal. The golden brown leaves covered the ground and the late afternoon sun shone softly through the branches of the tall sycamores. I walked along, dragging my feet in the grass to kick the leaves as I went. The Neckar, clearer than I've ever seen it, was flowing peacefully by on both banks, and the air was amazingly warm. I probably didn't even need my jacket.
Through the trees on the other side of the island I could see the colorful pastel paints of the houses lining the river against an unbelievably blue sky. Meanwhile, Addy started throwing leaves in the air.
It was, as Addy put it, the perfect fall day. It really was. I wish I could have just sat there for hours and read a book or just looked at it or something, and I'm kicking myself for not having my camera with me. Tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice, so I'm definitely going back to attempt to capture it for you all -- and for myself.
As we leaned against a park bench taking it all in, Addy summed it up best: "This is why I came to Tübingen -- whether I knew it or not."
Indeed.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
I'm Going to Miss This
Riding on the train is one of my favorite things to do in Germany. There is something unbelievably cool about sitting there in your seat next to a big huge window, watching the countryside roll by, shoving the window down and sticking your head out to feel the wind in your hair. It's a feeling of freedom -- the type of feeling you get on a beautiful day while driving your car with the windows down, the sunroof open, and your favorite song on the stereo. Tomorrow isn't ever going to come, because the moment seems eternal.
Freedom. I'm young, I'm carefree, I've got my whole future ahead of me, and I'm in Europe. Life could not get much better.
Side note: Holy crap I miss my dogs.
Freedom. I'm young, I'm carefree, I've got my whole future ahead of me, and I'm in Europe. Life could not get much better.
Side note: Holy crap I miss my dogs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
